I'd watch it again if they had a money ticker on the screen

96. "Armageddon"
Other: Brandon, haven't you seen this before?
Me: No. I avoided it when I came out in '98.
Other: So, why did you decide to watch it ten years later?
Me: I was bored at 1am.
Other: You stayed up til 1 to watch this flick?
Me: No, it started at 1. I stayed up til 4.
Other: 4am?
Me: Yea.
Other: Why?
Me: I wanted to look at money for three hours.
Other: What are you talking about?
Me: It's a Michael Bay movie. Every Bay movie looks like money.
Other: Do you know how much it cost?
Me: It cost $140 million to make and grossed over a half a billion dollars.
Other: Why do you know this?
Me: Because I know how to use a search engine.
Other: What did you think of the movie?
Me: I thought it was awful in every way.
Other: So why did you watch it?
Me: Because I couldn't stop thinking about the cast. Billy Bob Thorton got the part because of a small film he made called "Sling Blade". Ben Affleck got the part due to Kevin Smith flicks. Owen Wilson was cast because of "Bottle Rocket". It's like Michael Bay cherry picked every actor with a sliver of credibility and made them rich.
Other: But you could've came to that conclusion by looking up the cast list.
Me: You're right.
Other: Were you drinking?
Me: Not a drop of alcohol.
Other: Were you medicated?
Me: Not in any way.
Other: Suicidal?
Me: Nope.
Other: I'm confused.
Me: So am I.