Thursday, November 26, 2009

A real time review on Thanksgiving

79. "Obsessed"
The dialogue in the first scene is laughable. The song is boring. The font used for titles looks like it should be on a greeting card you would make on a computer in 1994.

Buzz words for the economy in the first ten minutes.

"Sharon, you're so bad."
"Like that's not why you married me."

Why does a score like this exist? Is there a master file that's used in all Lifetime movies that I don't know about?

"I think you'll find I'm not your typical temp."

It's a shame when something can be so wrong, so predictable so quickly.

If my girlfriend still finds Idris Elba attractive after this role I will lose some respect. "The Wire" does not forgive future sins.

My mother: See, women know.
What do they know? What the fuck are you talking about? I want to be drunk right now. I am going to drink tonight. How can you watch this? How? Shouldn't any self-respecting woman understand that these stereotypes are harmful?
My mother: Ain't this a good show?

The use of Estelle's "American Boy" was a nice touch. Idris Elba is British. He plays an American in this thing. I doubt this was considered when scoring the film.

Finally, a gay stereotype. It took a whole 15 minutes. "If you think you can pump me full of a couple of cosmos for information, you're right."

From here on out, I will refer to Elba as Stringer Bell. Maybe if I think of good things everything else will seem better.

It's difficult to shoot party scenes in large spaces. It makes the most exciting event seem poorly attended.

My mother: She went in the boys bathroom! Look what she did!

Is Tone Loc's "Wild Thing" about $100 to clear for usage?

The dream/rape scene is odd. It would fit in Tim Burton's "Batman."

My mother: Watch her be dead now. It'll be hilarious.

God damn, Beyonce. I hope Jay-Z is fucking everyone else but you. Leave the husband alone. He's making a ton of money, sends you flowers every week and is quiet around the house when the baby is sleeping. You ignore that a woman is obviously not stable and you're focusing on "Naked!" Fuck you. Why are you believing a woman you hate but not the man who makes a ton of money and is married to you. Fuck everyone in this. Except Jerry O'Connell. I like the guy. Remember that show "Sliders" from the late 90s? That show was pretty decent.

My mother: Well, sometimes we're all delusional. Isn't that right Brandon? You always tell me that I'm delusional. This show is so good. Aren't you glad I picked this out? You just don't want to admit it.

Stringer, take some fucking control. This is getting ridiculous.

Should people use the word 'lover' more often? It's odd to hear in current, American movies.

My mother: You oughta make something like this.

Holy shit! Three months living in a hotel! For something you didn't do! You should've murdered both women.

Using lamps instead of overhead lights portray people as crazy.

Why won't this end?

Why would you turn your back on someone that broke in?

Both women should have died at least twice during this fight.

Why would you go to the attic? There's one entry and inevitably the person has to come down. Fucking wait.

Finally, the Beyonce song we've all been waiting for.

It ends on a freeze frame? Fuck you.

Fuck you, Stringer Bell.

Working class hero

78. "Look Back in Anger"
It's great. I prefer the Branagh version but only because I saw that first. Watch this. It's great art. Every actor is perfect in their role, each location was used well and the pacing should be studied in both film and theatre classes.

I used to identify with this film. With each viewing I feel the need to write all women that ever gave me the time of day an apology letter. I have not done that. I will not. They'll think I'm in AA.

It reminded me of Neko Case's version of "In California" for no reason

77. "Niagara Motel"
I really enjoyed this low budget indie. Three stories connect to the Niagra Motel. Each character has a back story and doesn't exist in stereotypes. The cinematography is simple. It fits the story. The performances aren't over the top. The soundtrack doesn't get in the way. I highly recommend this film. It probably won't be anyone's favorite film but it will please most.

The pre-monsters act is the highlight

76. "Where the Wild Things Are"
It didn't work. It looked great but just didn't do anything for me. The art direction deserves any award it garners but other than that, the film is forgettable.

To prove that I am somewhat of a hipster I should mention that I do have strong memories of this book. My mother read it to me as a small child. In first grade or so she took me to the Magic Tree bookstore (the bookstore featured in the film "Rookie of the Year") for a reading of the book. At the end of the reading Domino's Pizza was delivered. It was nice. I remember it clearly. The book, though not good, resonated for quite some time based on the memory. Therefore, I was expecting, well, something good from the film.

The main problem with the film, at least in my experience, is expectations. The book is short. If the film was faithful to the text it would have a run time of 7 minutes. Max is an asshole. He's a brat which makes him unlikeable. Childhood memories are fuzzy and with time, take on a magical quality. In other words, unless the film made me feel like I was in a crib, suckling on a bottle of warm milk and gave me reassurance that no one ever would die or be sad, it would be a disappointment. At the same time, so what? It's just a book. Any book can be a film. Nothing is sacred and with that in mind, the film is just eh.

The trailer is perfect. Just watch it over and over and over until you want to run in a field and laugh like a kid. The film will make you glad that you are no longer a child and extremely glad you don't have a ten year old boy.

Budget envy

75. "The Man in the Iron Mask"
DiCaprio isn't a good actor. He plays two roles in this period piece aimed at teenage girls. (Why are period pieces made for teenage girls?) Each character has one emotion. The guy not in the iron mask is angry. The guy in the iron mask is sad. Some characters adopt French accents, some do not. The entire thing is heavy handed, looks way too bright, boring, odd and boring again.

I do realize that it's absurd to be writing this eleven years after it was released as Leo's post "Titantic" vehicle.

It is a joy to see Malkovich act in an otherwise forgettable film. That's a decent reason to not change WGN on Sunday nights at 11pm.

Very special effects

74. "Boarding House"
This film was shown as part of the YMTE series at the Hungry Brain. The good people at Everything is Terrible!!! curated the night. They did a good job. The film is awful and hilarious. The plot structure made little to no sense. The story made little to no sense. The performances were hilariously bad. The music was awful. The neat part is that it was one of the first films to be shot on VHS.

Do not see this film. Any film about a man that has 5 female roommates that all sleep with him and the guy decides to have a party and invite no women and is not gay makes no sense.


73. "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation"
I would have enjoyed this movie when it was released. The plot was fluid, the bits were funny and freestanding and nothing in it dragged. The only odd part is the theme song and animation. I bought a VHS copy for $1. It was worth it. I wish I also bought a Griswald Blackhawks jersey for $1.

The Nintendo game was impossibly difficult

72. "Top Gun"
Soooooooooooo bad. Wonderfully homoerotic and homophobic. Meg Ryan looks great. Anthony Edwards is good. The film should have been about those two. I bought a VHS copy for $1. It was only worth it when I gave it away and people laughed.


71. "Superstar"
Not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Tom Green's small part is absurd. The entire thing is absurd. In a good way. Harland Williams doesn't get to speak until an hour into the 80 minute movie. I liked it. I bought a VHS copy for $1. It was worth it.

I've been staring at a version of this poster for years

70. "Butch Camp"
This film was shot at the Hungry Brain before it was open. That is why I watched it. It is awful. Not so awful it's good. Just painfully bad. I want to die when I know that things like this exist.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Kind of back up

Thanks to Doug, I have a semi-working computer. I'm in the process of cleaning it up. It'll take a while before regular episodes of YMTE are back up. The YMTE Chicago Music Podcast should be back on a regular schedule this week.

The film, the one without a good working title, has not been worked on since shooting wrapped due to the stolen computer(s). I will be cataloguing and will begin cutting soon after Thanksgiving.

Kelsey is going to Washington DC for ten weeks this spring. While she's gone I will begin and hopefully be done shooting, work on a documentary short. I've been pushing this project back and back in order to learn some basic film making techniques. I think I have learned a few things.

Thanks to everyone that volunteered time and computers.