Thursday, December 31, 2009


104. "World's Greatest Dad"
I don't want to ruin the film by writing about the plot. It's better to have no idea what's going to happen.

Bobcat Goldwaith's third film (yes, the comic with the odd voice) is an excellent director. He knows where to put the camera. He didn't ruin a film that could have been packed with cliches. There is room for improvement but considering the budget of this film, he couldn't have done much more.

See this movie. Probably the most realistic dialogue between 15 year old males I've seen on film.

I hate the poster/ad campaign

103. "District 9"
I'm not a fan of science fiction (I tend to like the 'mainstream' stuff like "Hitchhiker's Guide" and "X-Files" but don't pay any heed to shows like "Dr. Who") so I was surprised that I even saw this film (which also doesn't make any sense since I rented it). It was much better than I anticipated.

The film paints with broad strokes. It's damn near impossible to ignore the modern day overtones. That being said, it's ambitious enough to have a message and a summer release date and budget. Kudos to having balls.

If you're able to suspend certain realities and don't let personal politics infiltrate your film going psyche, this is an extremely enjoyable film.

Evil Santa Baby

102. "Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2"
Thanks to the kind folks at Everything is Terrible I have now seen this thing. I'm pretty sure it revolves around a murderous psyche patient that has Hulk-like strength and a whole lotta hatred. It also involves a Santa suit and a nun. And rape. Way too many rape/almost rape scenes for my Santa murder book.

This movie was the second in a series of five. Determination will get you far.

School of drugs/prostitutes/fun times with a hip teach

101. "Half Nelson"
There will be no happy ending. There will be mediocre endings to complex stories and that's how it should be. Kudos to the filmmakers for not turning this film into "Dangerous Minds".

Gosling is great, the kids are great, the story is solid and the drug use looks real. See this film. It will not make you feel good.

Gay joke here

100. "Brokeback Mountain"
One of the most beautiful films I've seen. Excellent performances, a great story, good pacing and well edited. It deserved all the acclaim it received.

The film is more about loneliness than being gay, at least in my humble opinion. Keep in mind that I am a straight, white male so, well, I don't know.

Ball, the word ball is used a lot

99. "Love and Basketball"
It's everything you expect from a movie called "Love and Basketball". It's not too bad, it's far from good and there are multiple slow motion scenes of both missed and made baskets. My favorite part is the ending. Our protagonists end up happily ever after and thanks to a magical, made up league called the WNBA, all is well. That is crazy. The WNBA has never been anyone's happy ending.


98. "I'm Not There"
A film only a Dylan and/or uber-indie auteur could appreciate. Seemingly pointless stories about characters that make up Dylan come together in a musical way. There is no way to explain this film. You'll either love it or not completely hate it. I can't see anyone that isn't a Dylan fan attempting to watch this thing.

The cinematography is brilliant. I'll give it that. Cate Blanchett deserved the Best Actress nomination. The rest was eh. I think I prefer my David Cross as an evil henchman to Alvin and the Chipmunks to William Ginsberg.


97. "Suburban Commando"
One of the worst films I've ever seen. I watched it because it was a birthday gift. It was a joke gift. That did not matter to me. I decided to tough it out and see the Hulkster do whatever he does. It took seven separate viewings to finish the thing. It was only completed because The Undertaker pops up near the middle and it was 3am, I was really intoxicated and Doug was over. We did not find this movie so bad it was good. We found ourselves talking about a cage match between the Undertaker and Mankind.

We found ourselves.

There is a god. His name is Hogan. Hogan's only son killed people with his car. We found ourselves.

I can not watch this movie ever again. The fact that people got SAG cards from it is depressing.

Contact me

25. Nathan Rabin "The Big Rewind"
I really enjoyed this memoir. Once Rabin landed his job at The Onion it lost a little of its appeal, but that's a good thing. If the guy was still stuck in a mental ward the book wouldn't exist. It's a double-edged sword.

Though I doubt this forum will help me get to the man, I would really like to have Rabin on the podcast. If you have any idea how to send the man an email, please let me know. Do not tell me to contact the AV Club or his publisher. I've tried that.

I am not a child and don't have one

96. "Night at the Museum"
Thanks cable, you helped me get through Christmas without drinking too much. This film wasn't bad enough to make me want to drink more, so that was a bit of a surprise. I'm guessing Steve Coogan and a non-annoying Robin Williams helped.

Has Ben Stiller ever been funny? I really like his films ("The Cable Guy", "Zoolander", "Tropic Thunder") but I can't think of one performance where I was glad he's the leading man. I'm sure this really stings the guy. He only has 11 projects currently in development, is a millionaire, had a wife way too attractive to be married to him in 'real' life and a seemingly endless string of luck with kids films. I should really back off on the guy. Comments made by someone closer to 30 than 20 who watched this film on Christmas really sting.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Worth every cent (get it, punny, right?)

95. "Millions"
Danny Boyle can do anything. "Trainspotting" still holds up. "Slumdog Millionaire" is ambitious enough to be a poverty drama and a musical. "A Life Less Ordinary" made me want to make films at 14. "Millions" makes me want to try new things with light and camera speed, try to write a film that's family friendly but not a kids film and not be afraid to keep things quiet. Boyle's film making isn't easy to spot and maybe that's what makes him so great. He has no Tarintino schtick, but he can sure tell a story. I will be watching this film again, taking full advantage of the director's commentary.

Your parents fucking

94. "Woodstock: 3 Days of Peace, Love and Music"
Apparently, I am not a fan of peace, love and music.

When the next Woodstock takes place (there is no way aging, rich hippies that own the rights to the name aren't going to host another Woodstock), a documentary could go on for 60 years and no footage would have to be used again. If 200,000 people attend a show, most will be in possession of a digital camera and/or phone with video capabilities. This is what I thought about during "Woodstock".

This film should be shown with a scratch and sniff card. Maybe patchouli should be piped in.

It's boring. The use of the split screen is the only good aspect of this nostalgia fest.

I had to be there. I was not there. I am glad I was not there.

Goo, like the Sonic Youth album

93. "Happy Endings"
It's an LA film, the same way "The Anniversary Party" is one. Stories that intertwine, shot in LA, talk about the weather, someone in the film industry, blah blah blah. It's much better than "The Anniversary Party" but falls really short of another Don Roos film I really like, "The Opposite of Sex". I probably will never watch it again but I did not leave a bad feeling. I guess that's a compliment.


92. "Advertising Rules"
The film is called "Viktor Vogel" in other countries. That is a better title.

I purchased this used VHS tape roughly seven years ago. I have no idea why I put off watching it. It's not bad. It's far from great but it's definitely watchable. It's pacing is decent, the performances are good and the dialogue, at least what's translated, isn't bad. It was neat to watch something about advertising that isn't "Mad Men".

Lots of shots of sparking glass

91. "Fracture"
Anthony Hopkins plays Hannibal Lecter but it's still good. Ryan Gosling is a great actor that speaks with a random, I think, Southern accent. The score is so bad it almost takes you out of the film completely. It was something to watch on Christmas Eve. If it's on, watch it.

Juicy juice

90. "Bigger, Stronger Faster"
A pretty weak documentary on the role steroids play in the life of the 'modern' American man. If you were inspired by Hulk Hogan in the 80s to lift weights, try professional wrestling and take copious amounts of steroids, this movie is for you. If you were not dumb enough to have Hulk Hogan as an idol, this film is watchable.

Lots of baggy pants and blackface?

89. "College"
Buster Keaton is great. If you're impressed by physical comedy you should watch any/all of his films. That being said, "College" is just an excuse to watch the man do amazing feats of random gymnastics. It doesn't matter. It's still a treat to see.

There is not one decent reason to pass up this film

88. "Zombieland"
One of the best films of the year and my second favorite zombie film of all time ("Dawn of the Dead" is number one and yes, I've seen "Shaun of the Dead"). The entire cast is perfect. The pacing is ideal. The cameo is brilliant. Even the use of a Metallica song in the opening sequence worked. There is not one way for this film to be better. In a perfect world "Zombieland" would be nominated for Best Picture.

Girl power?

87. "Whip It"
After seeing "Hard Candy" I've been holding Ellen Page to an unrealistic standard. This film lowered that standard.

Drew Barrymore's directorial debut isn't awful. That being said, I doubt anyone will be digging this out of their DVD collections a few years from now. Nothing memorable and a lot of manufactured teen angst played by not teenagers.

The film is set in the present day. Apparently, everyone in Texas wears clothes that look like they were made in 1976 and never worn.

If I was told that there would be a film about women's roller derby when I was in high school I would assume that I would love it, especially if the lead was played by someone like Page. I guess some things just work better on paper and in alternate time realities.

Blame Canada

86. "Dear Zachary"
Far from a documentary, this heartfelt film is about a man's murdered friend. Zachary is the friend's unborn child. Zachary will never see this film because he was also murdered. It's a feel good film about the madness of the Canadian government. That last sentence is true.

I liked this film enough. Some of the editing techniques would fit in well for shows like "Dateline" and "Primetime: Live" and that's not a good thing. It's hard to hate this film considering the circumstances.

I would like it a hell of a lot more if the directors next film wasn't titled "Shuffle".

The blue X-Man that has a tail

85. "The Anniversary Party"
I owned this on VHS when I went to college. I did not watch it in college. I don't regret my decision.

I wanted to like this film. I like the pseudo-indie feel. (Pseudo because it's written and directed by people that make their living from films and to me that's someone well off and well off people can't be indie because I hold on to dumb ideas about DIY stuff and need to get past it.) I like films that are ambitious enough to try to weave multiple stories into one. I liked a lot of things going into the viewing. I did not like these things once it was over.

Stories about life being hard because of too much success at a young age don't do much for me.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I want to hire the cinematographer

84. "Hard Candy"
Ellen Page is a good actress and this well acted, perfectly shot and brilliantly paced film is the proof. I've seen it for the first time a few days ago and I'm still thinking about it. It did it's job.

The first twenty minutes or so make you consider walking out. It's not bad, it's not good, it's just there. The dialogue is text-book teen tripe, but it all pays off. I don't want to spoil it even though it was released years ago. I like it that much.

The film is as good as the poster. See this film.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

All the voices?

83. "The Polar Express"
It's not nearly as creepy as the trailer made it seem. In fact, it's nice. The book always gave me a warm feeling, the kind you get after coming in from sledding. This film does the same. It's not perfect. Far from it. Some voices are awful, the songs don't need to be there and, unless you're six to eleven, you're going to get bored. Nonetheless, it's not a bad Christmas film.

Monday, December 07, 2009

PC wins

82. "Accepted"
It's bad in the way every bad film is bad. Anything that could have been funny is done poorly. There is no reason anyone should ever see this film. Unless they're on a plane. I was on a plane.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

The sad smokers roof, Terminal 5, Manhattan, New York, December 4 2009

Greenpoint, Brooklyn, New York, December 4 2009

Greenpoint, Brooklyn, New York, December 4 2009

Greenpoint, Brooklyn, New York, December 4 2009

Greenpoint, Brooklyn, New York, December 4 2009

Turtle, Greenpoint, Brooklyn, New York, December 4 2009

Greenpoint, Brooklyn, New York, December 4 2009

Greenpoint, Brooklyn, New York, December 4 2009

He sees you when you're sleeping, Greenpoint, Brooklyn, New York, December 4 2009

Ok. Greenpoint, Brooklyn, New York, December 4 2009

Littlefield, Brooklyn, New York, December 3 2009

A very unsafe cemetary, Brooklyn, New York, December 3 2009

Not a good sign, JFK Airport, New York, December 3 2009

Saturday, December 05, 2009


The airport has Christmas songs on. I don't mind. They're nice in moderation and even the bad ones remind me of the good ones. My friend Amy asked me what Christmas song is my favorite. I think the Flaming Lips version of "White Christmas" is mine. The arrangement is basic, stays true to the Crosby version and is not ironic. If you have a few minutes, watch it.

Friday, December 04, 2009


This song is perfect. I've been listening to it quite a bit around the 8 o'clock hour.

Devil up your sleeve

I haven't been sad in a while yet I've had this song in my head for weeks.

The answer is to skate around with just a jock strap

81. "Slap Shot"
My girlfriend did not like the film. I did. The story has gigantic holes. The dialogue is super homophobic. The pacing is atrocious and the film goes on 30 minutes too long. I did like the film.

I learned that the biggest insult in 1976 is to call someone a fag.

I like that it's never quite clear if the Hanson brothers are mentally challenged. They sure as shit ain't no fags.

Paul Newman is great. I would love to drink with the guy, the 1976 version.

I will not see the sequel starting a Baldwin.


80. "Toy Story"
The film is great. It deserves all the acclaim that's been heaped on it. It made me not hate Tim Allen. The jokes Don Rickles delivers are great. The one thing I don't really understand is the moral. What is it? Treat your toys well? I was drinking and came up with a possible moral, but it's a stretch. Buzz represents post World War II America. Woody is 1920s America. Both are thrown into the modern day. Buzz doesn't know he's one of a million, a product of industrialization. Woody is happy to be someone's favorite, taking satisfaction in his small world, not worrying about much of anything outside his room.

I told you I was drinking.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

I like trees, South Loop, Chicago, November 2009,

Spooky, scary, North Center, Chicago, November 2009

I'm glad I'm not single, Walgreens, Lakeview, Chicago, Il 2009

Washington Park, Chicago, November 2009

Washington Park, Chicago, November 2009

Community is nailing it, Northeastern, Chicago, November 2009

Drum Circle, Northeastern, Chicago, November 2009

This exists, North Center, Chicago, October 2009

Thursday, November 26, 2009

A real time review on Thanksgiving

79. "Obsessed"
The dialogue in the first scene is laughable. The song is boring. The font used for titles looks like it should be on a greeting card you would make on a computer in 1994.

Buzz words for the economy in the first ten minutes.

"Sharon, you're so bad."
"Like that's not why you married me."

Why does a score like this exist? Is there a master file that's used in all Lifetime movies that I don't know about?

"I think you'll find I'm not your typical temp."

It's a shame when something can be so wrong, so predictable so quickly.

If my girlfriend still finds Idris Elba attractive after this role I will lose some respect. "The Wire" does not forgive future sins.

My mother: See, women know.
What do they know? What the fuck are you talking about? I want to be drunk right now. I am going to drink tonight. How can you watch this? How? Shouldn't any self-respecting woman understand that these stereotypes are harmful?
My mother: Ain't this a good show?

The use of Estelle's "American Boy" was a nice touch. Idris Elba is British. He plays an American in this thing. I doubt this was considered when scoring the film.

Finally, a gay stereotype. It took a whole 15 minutes. "If you think you can pump me full of a couple of cosmos for information, you're right."

From here on out, I will refer to Elba as Stringer Bell. Maybe if I think of good things everything else will seem better.

It's difficult to shoot party scenes in large spaces. It makes the most exciting event seem poorly attended.

My mother: She went in the boys bathroom! Look what she did!

Is Tone Loc's "Wild Thing" about $100 to clear for usage?

The dream/rape scene is odd. It would fit in Tim Burton's "Batman."

My mother: Watch her be dead now. It'll be hilarious.

God damn, Beyonce. I hope Jay-Z is fucking everyone else but you. Leave the husband alone. He's making a ton of money, sends you flowers every week and is quiet around the house when the baby is sleeping. You ignore that a woman is obviously not stable and you're focusing on "Naked!" Fuck you. Why are you believing a woman you hate but not the man who makes a ton of money and is married to you. Fuck everyone in this. Except Jerry O'Connell. I like the guy. Remember that show "Sliders" from the late 90s? That show was pretty decent.

My mother: Well, sometimes we're all delusional. Isn't that right Brandon? You always tell me that I'm delusional. This show is so good. Aren't you glad I picked this out? You just don't want to admit it.

Stringer, take some fucking control. This is getting ridiculous.

Should people use the word 'lover' more often? It's odd to hear in current, American movies.

My mother: You oughta make something like this.

Holy shit! Three months living in a hotel! For something you didn't do! You should've murdered both women.

Using lamps instead of overhead lights portray people as crazy.

Why won't this end?

Why would you turn your back on someone that broke in?

Both women should have died at least twice during this fight.

Why would you go to the attic? There's one entry and inevitably the person has to come down. Fucking wait.

Finally, the Beyonce song we've all been waiting for.

It ends on a freeze frame? Fuck you.

Fuck you, Stringer Bell.