My friend Alan is putting together a zine about the holidays. Since I got too sentimental on the baseball issue of Foul I decided to rework "The Night Before Christmas".
Side note: Blame Aaron and Kate
Side note 2: I wrote a piece on R. Kelly in 2002. It pretty much said that people shouldn't fuck with the guy because he pisses on under aged girls. It was sarcastic. A guy in one of my classes happened to share the same lawyer as R. Kelly and the kid told me that if I didn't stop writing pieces like that I was going to get sued. Here's another piece like that.
An R. Kelly X-Mas
by Brandon Wetherbee
'Twas an R. Kelly Xmas, when all through the house,
Children were moaning and using their mouths;
The stocking were hung in the sauna with care,
In hopes that the Pied Piper would soon be there;
The children were soaked on skin so bare,
While visions of happy people two stepped in their heads,
And mama in her room and R being trapped,
Had just entered a closet for a long X-Mas rap,
When out in the sauna there arouse such a clatter,
R sprang from his studio to see what was the matter,
Away to the floor R danced like a flash,
Tore open the condoms and threw up the wrap.
TV glare on the breast of the new-teens chest,
Gave the lustre of pee to a hairless below,
When, what to R's wondering eyes should appear,
But a BET award, and eight tiny pre-teens,
With a little dead wife, so lifeless and sick,
R knew in a moment it was "the best" in Arabic.
More rapid than eagles his juices they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and performed them by name;
"Now, anal! now, leapfrog! now, doggy and cross!
On, cowgirl! on T-square! on shocker and fisting!
To the top of the shaft! to the base of my balls!
Now suck away! suck away! suck away all!"
As R. Kelly penned "I Believe I Can Fly",
When he meets with an obstacle, he can touch the sky.
So down to McDonalds the Escalade he flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and the Pied Piper too.
And then, in a twinkling, kids moistened their kooch
The groanings and moanings of each little hooch.
As R drew in his pants, and was dancing around,
Out from the drive-thru R. Kelly came with a bound.
He was dressed in all white, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all stained with jism and gook;
A bundle of preteens he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a molester just opening his pants.
His eyes - how they leered! his dimples so eerie!
His chapters were like opera, his words hip-hopera!
His mouth was moist with thoughts of menstrual flow,
And the thoughts behind his mask a desire to know.
The stump of a story he sold on the street,
And the laughs he ignored was some kind of feat,
He had a thick skull and a fetish quite smelly,
That filmed, when he came on a female named Kelly.
He was happy and soulful, a man sure of himself,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of the tape I watched of him having sex with underage girls and peeing on them, on the shelf;
A tinkle in their eyes and a twist on his bed,
Soon gave me to know this man's not right in the head;
He sang not a word, but went straight to his quirk,
And filled all the holes; then turned and he jerked,
And spreading his love inside of her nose,
And giving a nod, up the vagina he rose;
He sprang to his sauna, to his teen gave a whistle,
And away it flew down her down her throat like a missile.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he penetrated like a knife,
"An R. Kelly X-Mas to all, and to all a good-night!"
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
As honorable as Trump
I'm going to win the next Miss USA and blow every strip club owner from Maine to California because it's the American way. I'll also do body shots with every bartender because everyone could use a shot.
I'm going to be interviewed on "Extra" and talk about how I could have gave up and I thought about giving up but I didn't give up because you shouldn't give up.
I'm going to join as many gangs as possible.
I'm going to be interviewed on "Extra" and talk about how I could have gave up and I thought about giving up but I didn't give up because you shouldn't give up.
I'm going to join as many gangs as possible.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Cancer
I'm bored out of my mind. Always bored. BORED. bored.
It's never sunny. It's never that warm. It's ugly. There isn't green anything. Damn.
56. James M. Cain "The Postman Always Rings Twice"
Eric and I had a great time at 3am. We went to the Second City 24-hour benefit thing and saw Shellac on the ETC. stage. We were in the first row, in front of the kick drum. I can't speak for Eric but my hearing was damaged in a good way.
Amy got me the Black Sabbath, Ozzy only years, box set for my birthday. I've wanted this thing since it came out and I'm glad I didn't have to shell out $100 for it.
That should be enough name dropping for a while.
Bored and broke. I'm an asshole to boot.
Check out The Machine site if you can and give me some feedback. I don't know how to fix the front page but I added events and fixed up a few images and information. That information is boring.
It's never sunny. It's never that warm. It's ugly. There isn't green anything. Damn.
56. James M. Cain "The Postman Always Rings Twice"
Eric and I had a great time at 3am. We went to the Second City 24-hour benefit thing and saw Shellac on the ETC. stage. We were in the first row, in front of the kick drum. I can't speak for Eric but my hearing was damaged in a good way.
Amy got me the Black Sabbath, Ozzy only years, box set for my birthday. I've wanted this thing since it came out and I'm glad I didn't have to shell out $100 for it.
That should be enough name dropping for a while.
Bored and broke. I'm an asshole to boot.
Check out The Machine site if you can and give me some feedback. I don't know how to fix the front page but I added events and fixed up a few images and information. That information is boring.
Monday, December 11, 2006
I'm siding with a man named Warrior
The Ultimate Warrior was my favorite wrestler after Jake the Snake Roberts and before The Undertaker. He was not certifiably insane, but definitly not a "normal" wrestler. He quit the WWF over money issues, legally changed his name to Warrior to protect his merchandising propects and has had conflicts with pretty much everyone he's worked with. Regardless, I am agreeing with Warrior.
In April of 2005 Warrior gave a lecture sponsored by campus Republicans at the University of Connecticut. The reading was supposed to be no different than the other speaking engagements he had done. The Tent Group, a left-leaning campus group made sure their presence was known. The Warrior is a politically incorrect right wing conservative. Forty-five minutes into the lecture the Warrior says "queering doesn't make the world work". This elicited a not-so positive reaction from the Tent Group. (The Warrior never has come out and said that homosexuality is "wrong," he has said that the statement is in reference to the world's population)
Though I don't agree with most of the Warriors beliefs, I found myself rooting for the guy when watching the clip on YouTube. It's difficult to have any sympathy for a democratic group at the University of Connecticut, especially when they're all white.
After the event the Campus Republicans apologized for having the Warrior speak at the event the Warrior replied and said the Republicans have no backbone and that the campus group smelled like "patchouli oil and burnt flag".
I love the Warrior. I want him to go on a speaking tour with Monique. They would always smell like flowers and piss off everyone. Then the Warrior would Warrior Splash anyone that got out of control and Monique would let all the males fuck the fat between her arm and side.
In April of 2005 Warrior gave a lecture sponsored by campus Republicans at the University of Connecticut. The reading was supposed to be no different than the other speaking engagements he had done. The Tent Group, a left-leaning campus group made sure their presence was known. The Warrior is a politically incorrect right wing conservative. Forty-five minutes into the lecture the Warrior says "queering doesn't make the world work". This elicited a not-so positive reaction from the Tent Group. (The Warrior never has come out and said that homosexuality is "wrong," he has said that the statement is in reference to the world's population)
Though I don't agree with most of the Warriors beliefs, I found myself rooting for the guy when watching the clip on YouTube. It's difficult to have any sympathy for a democratic group at the University of Connecticut, especially when they're all white.
After the event the Campus Republicans apologized for having the Warrior speak at the event the Warrior replied and said the Republicans have no backbone and that the campus group smelled like "patchouli oil and burnt flag".
I love the Warrior. I want him to go on a speaking tour with Monique. They would always smell like flowers and piss off everyone. Then the Warrior would Warrior Splash anyone that got out of control and Monique would let all the males fuck the fat between her arm and side.
Monday, November 27, 2006
It may rain in the neighborhood but that's ok
My good friend Daniel Knox and I are both fans of Mr. Rogers. If all goes as planned we're going to have a celebration of Mr. Rogers life on Febuary 27 2007, the four year anniversary of his passing away. While doing research on Fred Rogers I began listening to an interview he did on The Diane Rehm Show in 2002.
Diane Rehm is a slow talker, similiar to Mr. Rogers. Her voice is fragile and sounds even weaker when filtered through RealPlayer. The host and her guest together is an odd pairing. Imagine an ordinary interview on WBEZ played at half-speed. Anyways, Mr. Rogers is an excellent guest. Mrs. Rehm asks her guest about his characters in the Land of Make Believe and Mr. Rogers presents some of them. The second half of the show is for calls. No one calls with a question. Mother after mother give accounts of how Mr. Rogers has helped them raise their children. The second caller had me in tears.
I used to ridicule my mother because of her love for Mr. Rogers. At 10 years old I didn't want to hear some old guy sing songs. At 23 I want to hear some old guy sing songs.
Things don't seem so bad with Mr. Rogers. He never shied away from difficult issues. Anger was a common theme on his show and there were multiple special episodes that dealt with death, divorce, war, murder and more. It's all going to be ok and if Mr. Rogers believed it, I'll believe it too.
Diane Rehm is a slow talker, similiar to Mr. Rogers. Her voice is fragile and sounds even weaker when filtered through RealPlayer. The host and her guest together is an odd pairing. Imagine an ordinary interview on WBEZ played at half-speed. Anyways, Mr. Rogers is an excellent guest. Mrs. Rehm asks her guest about his characters in the Land of Make Believe and Mr. Rogers presents some of them. The second half of the show is for calls. No one calls with a question. Mother after mother give accounts of how Mr. Rogers has helped them raise their children. The second caller had me in tears.
I used to ridicule my mother because of her love for Mr. Rogers. At 10 years old I didn't want to hear some old guy sing songs. At 23 I want to hear some old guy sing songs.
Things don't seem so bad with Mr. Rogers. He never shied away from difficult issues. Anger was a common theme on his show and there were multiple special episodes that dealt with death, divorce, war, murder and more. It's all going to be ok and if Mr. Rogers believed it, I'll believe it too.
I'm 14
Kill Hannah is on 'JBTV'. They're talking about the Smashing Pumpkins. The only difference between 2006 and 1996 is I'm a hell of a lot heavier and know about a few more bands.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
I (kind of) reached the goal
52. Jake Austen "TV-a-Go-Go: Rock on TV from American Bandstand to American Idol"
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Ladytron
I spent a few hours making a back-up playlist for the fashion show. When I opened said list while setting up sound equipment I erased my work with one Chaka Kahn song. That kind of sums up the fashion show. Kelsey, Eric and I got to play music for about 15-minutes while dealing with MCing an event we knew nothing about.
I stayed up til 6am on accident. I'm afraid of writing anything too exciting or downright depressing in this space in case one of my students finds this nook of the Internet. Stinkin' kids, never letting me ruin amusement parks.
I'm convinced that art is not all around us nor is revolution. One would be hard pressed after traveling the globe to find either. Than again, I haven't seen the Lake up close in over a year and I live less than a mile away so all that I really know is that I'm full of shit.
He IS the father.
I stayed up til 6am on accident. I'm afraid of writing anything too exciting or downright depressing in this space in case one of my students finds this nook of the Internet. Stinkin' kids, never letting me ruin amusement parks.
I'm convinced that art is not all around us nor is revolution. One would be hard pressed after traveling the globe to find either. Than again, I haven't seen the Lake up close in over a year and I live less than a mile away so all that I really know is that I'm full of shit.
He IS the father.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
I am an accomplished author that will influence generations to come
Eight copies of issue 17 of Foul were sold at Chicago Comics. I got $6 for my writings. I bought a sweater with my earnings. Suck my dick John Grisham.
World News Now delivers your morning papers, or: the male anchor is a fucking dick
I don't want to get involved with the virtual world phenomenon. I'm about to pull myself out of Facebook and I've only been on the site for a few weeks. I'm regretting ever getting an email address. It's hard to want to move forward with technology when I have health problems that were solved a hundred of years ago. I have the equivalent of mouth scurvey and it's been with me for the last four apartments.
My time has been filled with relatively creative things that will pay the bills, an oddity. One bedroom has no heat and one is much too warm. It's a good feeling to be not on fire.
My schedule allows for daily "Maury" viewings and I'm taking advantage of the luxury. I am 500% sure that he is the father.
My time has been filled with relatively creative things that will pay the bills, an oddity. One bedroom has no heat and one is much too warm. It's a good feeling to be not on fire.
My schedule allows for daily "Maury" viewings and I'm taking advantage of the luxury. I am 500% sure that he is the father.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
The Idiot
Kim Gordon, circa now, looks a lot like Iggy Pop, circa now. Thurston Moore is kinda married to his idol.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Flashing lights
Three guys are installing a railing on the porch. Only one is wearing any sort of eye wear. It looks like the Fourth of July through my windows. Those guys have balls.
My record player has never sounded louder. Little Walter singing sounds like Little Walter screaming. It's great.
The cologne I obtained at Lollapalooza is leaking or has leaked or something and now the box I'm going to reside in smells like 7th grade. Luckily, I enjoyed 7th grade.
My record player has never sounded louder. Little Walter singing sounds like Little Walter screaming. It's great.
The cologne I obtained at Lollapalooza is leaking or has leaked or something and now the box I'm going to reside in smells like 7th grade. Luckily, I enjoyed 7th grade.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
Friday, October 13, 2006
Zineeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy
Thanks to Kelsey I have about 30 copies of Issue 18 of Foul. I have to transcribe four interviews for Issue 19 and my goal for this evening is to have the writing part of Issue 20 done by the time I pass out. Unlike the first 10 issues of Foul I'm not listening to Bad Religion. It would seem odd to hear anything political while writing about the time I was crucified in church.
The heat got turned on. Now it's too hot. My cheeks are red.
I'm still trying to understand Dane Cook's popularity.
The heat got turned on. Now it's too hot. My cheeks are red.
I'm still trying to understand Dane Cook's popularity.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Her distance made me appreciate
The Nightmare Before Christmas is getting a re-release as a 3-D film later this month. To cash in Disney is re-releasing the soundtrack with covers by Marilyn Manson, Fiona Apple, Fall Out Boy, She Wants Revenge and Panic! At the Disco. Four of these tunes are on the Nightmare myspace page. I've been listening to Fiona Apple's version of "Sally's Song" for almost an hour.
The song plays an integral part in the movie but it never stood out. With Jon Brion's production (I think he produced it) and extremely melancholy lyrics the ditty sounds like it could only be from Apple.
God damn, this is a great song.
A van is on fire in Hickory Hills and the children upstairs are running.
The song plays an integral part in the movie but it never stood out. With Jon Brion's production (I think he produced it) and extremely melancholy lyrics the ditty sounds like it could only be from Apple.
God damn, this is a great song.
A van is on fire in Hickory Hills and the children upstairs are running.
I tend to agree with the man
47. Jim Derogatis "Milk It!: Collected Musings on the Alternative Music Explosion of the '90s"
Monday, October 09, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Harvard
"The Simpsons" shouldn't make fun of hip-hop. The one's with The Who and Elvis Costello work because like The Who and Elvis Costello, "The Simpsons" writers are rich, old and white.
Post job interview/burrito
The cat is aggressively liking himself to Queens of the Stone Age "The Sky Is Fallin'".
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Amazon.com is wonderful
44. Adam Langer "The Washington Story"
I was happy to find out Langer wrote a sequel to his debut "Crossing California". I enjoyed both books and hope the author pounds out a third novel.
I'm watching "Oprah".
I was happy to find out Langer wrote a sequel to his debut "Crossing California". I enjoyed both books and hope the author pounds out a third novel.
I'm watching "Oprah".
Monday, October 02, 2006
DJ Set - The Continental - September 29 2006 - 9:15pm-3:45am
Request
Steve Burns "Mighty Little Man"
Carpenters "Superstar"
PJ Harvey "Big Exit"
White Stripes "Apple Blossom"
Sam Cooke with the Soul Stirrers "Jesus Wash Away My Troubles"
Dandy Warhols "Hells Bells"
Iggy Pop "Tiny Girls"
Rogue Wave "Publish My Love"
Bobby Vinton "Blue Velvet"
Neko Case "That Teenage Feeling"
The Beach Boys "Don't Worry Baby"
Bjork "Hunter"
...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead - "Ode to Isis/Will You Smile Again?"
The Beatles "Rain"
Local H "Birth, School, Work, Death"
Sonic Youth "100%"
Foo Fighters "The Colour and the Shape"
Angels "My Boyfriend's Back"
Horrorpops "It's Been So Long"
New Black "Angel With Cockroach Wings"
Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds "Deanna"
Buddy Holly "Peggy Sue"
The Hollies "Carrie Ann"
Queens of the Stone Age "Little Sister"
The Ramones "Sheena is a Punk Rocker"
The Shirells "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow"
Detroit Cobras "Slippin' Around"
The Hives "Two-timing Touch and Broken Bones"
MC5 "Kick Out the Jams"
Against Me! "Cliche Guevara"
Reptoids "FU"
Twin Wrecks the Memory "Alcohol and Rock and Roll"
Bad Religion "American Jesus"
The Clash "I'm So Bored with the U.S.A."
The Bobby Fuller Four "I Fought the Law"
Gene Vincent "Be-Bop-A-Lu-La"
Chuck Berry "Brown-eyed Handsome Man"
Fats Domino "I'm Ready"
Dick Dale & His Del-Tones "Misirlou"
Bo Diddley "Who Do You Love?"
Screamin' Jay Hawkins "I Put A Spell On You"
James Brown "Soul Power, Pt. 1"
The Isley Brothers "It's Your Thing"
Curtis Mayfield "Pusherman"
Ladytron "Destroy Everything"
Miss Kitten "Requiem for a Hit"
Deftones "Feiticeira"
hewhocorrupts "She's a Fire Engine"
Motley Crue "Girls, Girls, Girls"
Marilyn Manson "The Dope Show"
Howlin' Wolf "Spoonful"
Nine Inch Nails "The Perfect Drug"
Donna Summer "I Feel Love"
Queen "Fat Bottom Girls"
Bill Cosby "I Got A Woman"
Spinal Tap "Big Bottom"
Spank Rock "Put That Pussy On Me"
Heart "Magic Man"
Mission of Burma "That's When I Reach For My Revolver"
Joy Division "Love Will Tear Us Apart"
The Breeders "Cannonball"
Girls Against Boys "Super-Fire"
My Bloody Valentine "Only Shallow"
Sally "Do You"
Clinic "Walking With Thee"
TV On the Radio "The Wrong Way"
Sleater-Kinney "The Fox"
Gnarls Barkley "Smiley Faces"
Franz Ferdinand "The Fallen"
Gang of Four "Outside The Trains Don't Run On Time"
Interpol "Slow Hands"
The Impressions "Check Out Your Mind"
Bo Diddley, Muddy Waters and Little Walter "Who Do You Love"
David Bowie "Golden Years"
The Kinks "I Am Free"
Urge Overkill "Goodbye to Guyville"
Cheap Trick "Surrender"
The Cars "Shake It Up"
Joy Division "Transmission"
Chamillionaire "Ridin'"
Sage Francis "Sea Lion"
Justin Timberlake "Sexy Back"
"No hip-hop."
Blondie "Rapture"
Bjork "Army of Me"
Gogol Bordello "Immigrant Punk"
Man Man "Van Helsing Boombox"
Built To Spill "Center Of The Universe"
William Shatner "Common People"
Pixies "Break My Body"
Stevie Wonder "Living For The City"
Motohead "Ace of Spades"
Black Sabbath "Sweat Leaf"
Burning Brides "Arctic Snow"
The Smashing Pumpkins "Dross"
Gorillaz "M1A1"
AC/DC "Highway To Hell"
Eagles of Death Metal "I Want You So Hard (Bad Boys News)"
Ministry "Everyday Is Halloween"
The Monkees "Porpoise Song"
Dinosaur Jr. "Feel The Pain"
Blood on the Wall "Mae Abiline"
Bobby Conn "Never Get Ahead"
The B52's "Party Out of Bounds"
Art Brut "Formed A Band"
Elvis Costello "Radio, Radio"
Dressy Bessy "Electrified"
Michael Jackson "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough"
Mates of State - 3 team boo
The Go! Team "Bottle Rocket"
Beastie Boys "Sabotage"
LAST CALL
Jimi Hendrix Experience "Crosstown Traffic"
Go-Go's "We Got the Beat"
Steve Burns "Mighty Little Man"
Carpenters "Superstar"
PJ Harvey "Big Exit"
White Stripes "Apple Blossom"
Sam Cooke with the Soul Stirrers "Jesus Wash Away My Troubles"
Dandy Warhols "Hells Bells"
Iggy Pop "Tiny Girls"
Rogue Wave "Publish My Love"
Bobby Vinton "Blue Velvet"
Neko Case "That Teenage Feeling"
The Beach Boys "Don't Worry Baby"
Bjork "Hunter"
...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead - "Ode to Isis/Will You Smile Again?"
The Beatles "Rain"
Local H "Birth, School, Work, Death"
Sonic Youth "100%"
Foo Fighters "The Colour and the Shape"
Angels "My Boyfriend's Back"
Horrorpops "It's Been So Long"
New Black "Angel With Cockroach Wings"
Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds "Deanna"
Buddy Holly "Peggy Sue"
The Hollies "Carrie Ann"
Queens of the Stone Age "Little Sister"
The Ramones "Sheena is a Punk Rocker"
The Shirells "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow"
Detroit Cobras "Slippin' Around"
The Hives "Two-timing Touch and Broken Bones"
MC5 "Kick Out the Jams"
Against Me! "Cliche Guevara"
Reptoids "FU"
Twin Wrecks the Memory "Alcohol and Rock and Roll"
Bad Religion "American Jesus"
The Clash "I'm So Bored with the U.S.A."
The Bobby Fuller Four "I Fought the Law"
Gene Vincent "Be-Bop-A-Lu-La"
Chuck Berry "Brown-eyed Handsome Man"
Fats Domino "I'm Ready"
Dick Dale & His Del-Tones "Misirlou"
Bo Diddley "Who Do You Love?"
Screamin' Jay Hawkins "I Put A Spell On You"
James Brown "Soul Power, Pt. 1"
The Isley Brothers "It's Your Thing"
Curtis Mayfield "Pusherman"
Ladytron "Destroy Everything"
Miss Kitten "Requiem for a Hit"
Deftones "Feiticeira"
hewhocorrupts "She's a Fire Engine"
Motley Crue "Girls, Girls, Girls"
Marilyn Manson "The Dope Show"
Howlin' Wolf "Spoonful"
Nine Inch Nails "The Perfect Drug"
Donna Summer "I Feel Love"
Queen "Fat Bottom Girls"
Bill Cosby "I Got A Woman"
Spinal Tap "Big Bottom"
Spank Rock "Put That Pussy On Me"
Heart "Magic Man"
Mission of Burma "That's When I Reach For My Revolver"
Joy Division "Love Will Tear Us Apart"
The Breeders "Cannonball"
Girls Against Boys "Super-Fire"
My Bloody Valentine "Only Shallow"
Sally "Do You"
Clinic "Walking With Thee"
TV On the Radio "The Wrong Way"
Sleater-Kinney "The Fox"
Gnarls Barkley "Smiley Faces"
Franz Ferdinand "The Fallen"
Gang of Four "Outside The Trains Don't Run On Time"
Interpol "Slow Hands"
The Impressions "Check Out Your Mind"
Bo Diddley, Muddy Waters and Little Walter "Who Do You Love"
David Bowie "Golden Years"
The Kinks "I Am Free"
Urge Overkill "Goodbye to Guyville"
Cheap Trick "Surrender"
The Cars "Shake It Up"
Joy Division "Transmission"
Chamillionaire "Ridin'"
Sage Francis "Sea Lion"
Justin Timberlake "Sexy Back"
"No hip-hop."
Blondie "Rapture"
Bjork "Army of Me"
Gogol Bordello "Immigrant Punk"
Man Man "Van Helsing Boombox"
Built To Spill "Center Of The Universe"
William Shatner "Common People"
Pixies "Break My Body"
Stevie Wonder "Living For The City"
Motohead "Ace of Spades"
Black Sabbath "Sweat Leaf"
Burning Brides "Arctic Snow"
The Smashing Pumpkins "Dross"
Gorillaz "M1A1"
AC/DC "Highway To Hell"
Eagles of Death Metal "I Want You So Hard (Bad Boys News)"
Ministry "Everyday Is Halloween"
The Monkees "Porpoise Song"
Dinosaur Jr. "Feel The Pain"
Blood on the Wall "Mae Abiline"
Bobby Conn "Never Get Ahead"
The B52's "Party Out of Bounds"
Art Brut "Formed A Band"
Elvis Costello "Radio, Radio"
Dressy Bessy "Electrified"
Michael Jackson "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough"
Mates of State - 3 team boo
The Go! Team "Bottle Rocket"
Beastie Boys "Sabotage"
LAST CALL
Jimi Hendrix Experience "Crosstown Traffic"
Go-Go's "We Got the Beat"
Thursday, September 28, 2006
She laughed too
A woman whose husband was convicted as a pedophile said the funniest thing I'll hear all day. When Oprah asked her what she told her children, she said, "Your dad is a pedophile." When Oprah asked her what her children said, the woman replied, "My little 8-year old girl said, 'Boy, I sure am glad I'm not a boy.'"
BAM!
BAM!
The Grand Prize Game
On mornings when I wake up too early and can't go back to sleep I wish I could trade in the internet for the Bozo the Clown show. There's nothing on television that I want to watch so I end up going to and from local news shows and "Saved By The Bell".
I watched the Bozo show every morning in grade school. When WGN decided to do a morning news show and just give Bozo Sunday mornings I didn't care, I was in 6th grade or something. Only at the end of high school, when the fledging Sunday show was taken off the air that I remembered that Bozo was exactly what I should have been watching every weekday morning for the rest of my life.
Here are my television options right now.
2 "The Early Show"
5 "The Today Show"
7 "Good Morning America"
9 "WGN Morning News"
11 "Postcards from Buster"
20 documentary from the early 80s about math and San Francisco
23 "Laverne and Shirley"
26 "One on One"
32 "Fox Thing In The Morning"
38 some Christian show
44 "Cada DÃa con MarÃa Antonieta"
50 "Cheers"
These are not good options. If you watch 10 minutes of the morning news you've seen everything. I don't want to watch two sitcoms with beer in it, a boring documentary, propaganda, a language I don't understand or a children's cartoon. So, I'm on the internet. I've watched the new Deftones video (not good), looked up who played Chicago's Bozo (Joey D'Auria is my favorite) and found out when the Aurora bound train leaves Union Station. If Bozo was on I wouldn't have this problem.
Bozo seemed stuck somewhere between the mid-60s and 70s. The skits were recycled, the cartoons were way behind the most popular of the day and the clowns didn't seem to give a fuck whether or not they were funny. None of that mattered. I loved the show. I watched it way behind the target age. The news and current cartoons didn't hold my interest. Staring at a 40-something dressed in an orange wig calmed the soul.
I want to watch Mr. Rogers at 7am and Bozo from 7:30 to 9am.
I watched the Bozo show every morning in grade school. When WGN decided to do a morning news show and just give Bozo Sunday mornings I didn't care, I was in 6th grade or something. Only at the end of high school, when the fledging Sunday show was taken off the air that I remembered that Bozo was exactly what I should have been watching every weekday morning for the rest of my life.
Here are my television options right now.
2 "The Early Show"
5 "The Today Show"
7 "Good Morning America"
9 "WGN Morning News"
11 "Postcards from Buster"
20 documentary from the early 80s about math and San Francisco
23 "Laverne and Shirley"
26 "One on One"
32 "Fox Thing In The Morning"
38 some Christian show
44 "Cada DÃa con MarÃa Antonieta"
50 "Cheers"
These are not good options. If you watch 10 minutes of the morning news you've seen everything. I don't want to watch two sitcoms with beer in it, a boring documentary, propaganda, a language I don't understand or a children's cartoon. So, I'm on the internet. I've watched the new Deftones video (not good), looked up who played Chicago's Bozo (Joey D'Auria is my favorite) and found out when the Aurora bound train leaves Union Station. If Bozo was on I wouldn't have this problem.
Bozo seemed stuck somewhere between the mid-60s and 70s. The skits were recycled, the cartoons were way behind the most popular of the day and the clowns didn't seem to give a fuck whether or not they were funny. None of that mattered. I loved the show. I watched it way behind the target age. The news and current cartoons didn't hold my interest. Staring at a 40-something dressed in an orange wig calmed the soul.
I want to watch Mr. Rogers at 7am and Bozo from 7:30 to 9am.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
The Marvin Gaye one was the worst book this year thus far
42. Michael Eric Dyson "Mercy, Mercy Me: The Art, Loves and Demons of Marvin Gaye"
41. Ben Hecht "A Thousand and One Afternoons in Chicago"
41. Ben Hecht "A Thousand and One Afternoons in Chicago"
Friday, September 22, 2006
His father was a goat-herder
40. Barack Obama "Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance"
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
Vroom-Vroom
Max and I went to the Dutch version of an American sports bar. They did not have the Bears game. That's ok. The Bears won.
There are signs all over Amsterdam warning people that there are pickpockets. The cartoon pickpockets look like they're stealing engines.
I'm going to steal an engine.
There are signs all over Amsterdam warning people that there are pickpockets. The cartoon pickpockets look like they're stealing engines.
I'm going to steal an engine.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Two books read in Europe about Chicago (kinda)
37. Dan Aykroyd and Ben Manilla "Elwood's Blues: Interviews with the Blues Legends and Stars"
Friday, September 15, 2006
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Warm, Feverish Midwestern Season
This week's "Anti-Social" Reader column is about Jessica Hopper's disappointing summer. Don't most summers seem disappointing, at least in the first few weeks of the fall?
My summer was disappointing. It got worse and the months progressed. Oh well. Once again, I bet most people feel this way. By the time August rolled around there were no more adventures. Nothing dangerous, exotic or exciting. It wasn't horrible but it wasn't great. It was the month that established a routine. Wake up, look for work, watch network television, consider what to eat, not eat, allude to exciting possibilities, decide to not do much of anything, give up on the day around 7, begin reading at 7:15...It's not a particularly bad day, but it's far from life changing. I didn't take any walks or ride a bike or skateboard. Going outside means spending money and that was not part of the agenda.
As soon as I begin a steady job I'll miss not doing anything (not that I'll be doing anything at the job, but it'll be outside a 8x12 foot room).
It's funny when Alex Trebeck gets excited. It's sad that I've seen this happen many times in the past few weeks.
My high school's five-year reunion was last Saturday. I did not attend. I was working. If I was not working I would not have attended. Since I first learned about reunions I decided that I would only attend if I had a better life than at least half of the people there. Unemployed meant not going. Running a successful business meant going. But why? If you only see these people every five or ten years who cares what they think? I think I'll go to the ten-year reunion with another guy and tell everyone that I was in the army but my love of my fellow man at arms led me astray. Then I'll drink a lot of booze.
Maybe if I went on more adventues I wouldn't be thinking about my high school reunion while watching Jeopardy!.
My summer was disappointing. It got worse and the months progressed. Oh well. Once again, I bet most people feel this way. By the time August rolled around there were no more adventures. Nothing dangerous, exotic or exciting. It wasn't horrible but it wasn't great. It was the month that established a routine. Wake up, look for work, watch network television, consider what to eat, not eat, allude to exciting possibilities, decide to not do much of anything, give up on the day around 7, begin reading at 7:15...It's not a particularly bad day, but it's far from life changing. I didn't take any walks or ride a bike or skateboard. Going outside means spending money and that was not part of the agenda.
As soon as I begin a steady job I'll miss not doing anything (not that I'll be doing anything at the job, but it'll be outside a 8x12 foot room).
It's funny when Alex Trebeck gets excited. It's sad that I've seen this happen many times in the past few weeks.
My high school's five-year reunion was last Saturday. I did not attend. I was working. If I was not working I would not have attended. Since I first learned about reunions I decided that I would only attend if I had a better life than at least half of the people there. Unemployed meant not going. Running a successful business meant going. But why? If you only see these people every five or ten years who cares what they think? I think I'll go to the ten-year reunion with another guy and tell everyone that I was in the army but my love of my fellow man at arms led me astray. Then I'll drink a lot of booze.
Maybe if I went on more adventues I wouldn't be thinking about my high school reunion while watching Jeopardy!.
Monday, September 11, 2006
We Could Drag It Out, But That's For Other Bands To Do
"Ask Me Anything" by The Strokes is the song that made me re-examine my dislike of the band. The seventh song on the band's third release "First Impressions of Earth," it's three minutes and twelve seconds of Julian Casablancas singing about how he's got "nothing to say" over a Mellatron (I'm not exactly sure what this is or what it looks like but I do know it's kind of like a piano and it would sound cool providing the score to a 1960s sci-fi b-film.). There's no guitar, bass or drums. The lyrics are full of self-loathing but performed in a way that doesn't seem juvenile or, well, self-loathing.
"Ask Me Anything" is possibly the best song on any album that has been in the American Top 10 of 2006. The problem with the song is the placement on the album. "First Impressions of Earth" has 14 songs. "Ask" comes in the middle. Once heard, it's difficult to enjoy the rest of the album. I understand why the band didn't want to hide the song last, but it belongs last. The first song and the last song on an album can and sometimes should sound nothing like the rest of the album. In this case, it wouldn't have worked perfectly but it wouldn't make other songs sound like a let down, which brings us to our next point...The Stokes let me down again.
I hated The Strokes when they first came out because of their background. The members come from New York City, well-to-do families and connections with models. I hated the leather jackets and Velvet Underground comparisons. It took almost five years for me to get past this (I realize that this is my problem, not the bands, but please don't stop reading). I finally liked their third album. Then they recorded a Marvin Gaye's "Mercy Mercy Me" for a B-side with Eddie Vedder and Josh Homme. I love Pearl Jam, QOTSA, EODA and Marvin Gaye. I don't love when they come together.
Disappointment and satisfaction. These are words that shouldn't describe one's love or disdain for pop music. Using said words make me seem unstable. I should've spelled unstable incorrectly, it might have been funny.
I love "Ask Me Anything".
"Ask Me Anything" is possibly the best song on any album that has been in the American Top 10 of 2006. The problem with the song is the placement on the album. "First Impressions of Earth" has 14 songs. "Ask" comes in the middle. Once heard, it's difficult to enjoy the rest of the album. I understand why the band didn't want to hide the song last, but it belongs last. The first song and the last song on an album can and sometimes should sound nothing like the rest of the album. In this case, it wouldn't have worked perfectly but it wouldn't make other songs sound like a let down, which brings us to our next point...The Stokes let me down again.
I hated The Strokes when they first came out because of their background. The members come from New York City, well-to-do families and connections with models. I hated the leather jackets and Velvet Underground comparisons. It took almost five years for me to get past this (I realize that this is my problem, not the bands, but please don't stop reading). I finally liked their third album. Then they recorded a Marvin Gaye's "Mercy Mercy Me" for a B-side with Eddie Vedder and Josh Homme. I love Pearl Jam, QOTSA, EODA and Marvin Gaye. I don't love when they come together.
Disappointment and satisfaction. These are words that shouldn't describe one's love or disdain for pop music. Using said words make me seem unstable. I should've spelled unstable incorrectly, it might have been funny.
I love "Ask Me Anything".
Suspend Reality For As Long As You Possibly Can
"Flavor of Love," specifically season two, is the best fairy tale the 21st century has yet to produce. A forgotten court-jester re-enters the people conscious 15-years after his prime. After one run of joyful series featuring other familiar faces, the American public was granted a spin-off series co-staring a former vixen/current wreck. That spin-off was unleashed on us almost two years ago and the public is still in love with Public Enemy's light side.
The highest-rated show in the history of VH1 is a "reality" show similiar to "The Bachelor". Instead of roses, the contestants that advance get a giant clock. Flavor gives the holes* fun and random tasks, like cleaning up Warren G's mansion and dancing. The dancing sure was fun. Everyone lives in a mansion.
How is this a fairy tale?
1. Outside of Flav's pad is a dinosaur. With a giant clock around it's neck. And it's wearing a crown. And dark sunglasses.
2. The holes wear dresses in most scenes. Most holes wear at least two dresses per episode. Most females in fairy tales wear dresses. I'm not sure if this is true, but it sure sounds like it is. Whenever I picture fairy tales in my head there's at least one person in a dress.
3. Not only does the dinosaur wear a crown but Flav has headgear as well. A viking helmet. There's got to be a viking in some fairy tale.
4. The entire series is symbolism. For what, I'm not exactly sure. World peace? No, that's not it. That's not even funny. I apologize. The symbolism is about being as pure as one possibly can. In other words, it's supposed to be about being real. I've heard the word 'real' used at least 10 times in each episode. That's fucking real, G. Real.
5. Monsters are everywhere. Among the holes are monsters with secrets. Secrets like porn, accents, prison and singing.
6. Three gay men give commentary during commercial breaks. Gay men involved in hip-hop is mythical, something only believable in a fairy tale.
7. Names like Phil and Mary aren't used. Instead there are Krazy, Bootz and other words spelled incorrectly.
8. A hole took a shit on the floor. The hole was not a toddler. The book "Everybody Poops" is non-fiction, but it is kind of like a faity-tale. So, I'm counting the shit on the floor.
9. A hole that got kicked off within the first 20-minutes of the first episode threatened to beat another hole's ass in the name of her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I look at the Bible like a big fairy tale. Therefore, this one comes in strong at number nine.
10. Balconies. There are many shots on balconies. The kind of balconies that people climb down from in fairy tales. They usually climb down on fake hair, which brings us to...
11. Weaves.
There you have it, 11 reasons why "Flavor of Love" is the best fairy tale out there, at least until "Strange Love 2" comes out.
*The people on the show are not women. They're barely people. They are holes. Flav loves his holes. We all love Flav's holes. In fact, you can find most of the hole's hole's on the same interweb that you're on right now! It's both fun and haunting!
The highest-rated show in the history of VH1 is a "reality" show similiar to "The Bachelor". Instead of roses, the contestants that advance get a giant clock. Flavor gives the holes* fun and random tasks, like cleaning up Warren G's mansion and dancing. The dancing sure was fun. Everyone lives in a mansion.
How is this a fairy tale?
1. Outside of Flav's pad is a dinosaur. With a giant clock around it's neck. And it's wearing a crown. And dark sunglasses.
2. The holes wear dresses in most scenes. Most holes wear at least two dresses per episode. Most females in fairy tales wear dresses. I'm not sure if this is true, but it sure sounds like it is. Whenever I picture fairy tales in my head there's at least one person in a dress.
3. Not only does the dinosaur wear a crown but Flav has headgear as well. A viking helmet. There's got to be a viking in some fairy tale.
4. The entire series is symbolism. For what, I'm not exactly sure. World peace? No, that's not it. That's not even funny. I apologize. The symbolism is about being as pure as one possibly can. In other words, it's supposed to be about being real. I've heard the word 'real' used at least 10 times in each episode. That's fucking real, G. Real.
5. Monsters are everywhere. Among the holes are monsters with secrets. Secrets like porn, accents, prison and singing.
6. Three gay men give commentary during commercial breaks. Gay men involved in hip-hop is mythical, something only believable in a fairy tale.
7. Names like Phil and Mary aren't used. Instead there are Krazy, Bootz and other words spelled incorrectly.
8. A hole took a shit on the floor. The hole was not a toddler. The book "Everybody Poops" is non-fiction, but it is kind of like a faity-tale. So, I'm counting the shit on the floor.
9. A hole that got kicked off within the first 20-minutes of the first episode threatened to beat another hole's ass in the name of her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I look at the Bible like a big fairy tale. Therefore, this one comes in strong at number nine.
10. Balconies. There are many shots on balconies. The kind of balconies that people climb down from in fairy tales. They usually climb down on fake hair, which brings us to...
11. Weaves.
There you have it, 11 reasons why "Flavor of Love" is the best fairy tale out there, at least until "Strange Love 2" comes out.
*The people on the show are not women. They're barely people. They are holes. Flav loves his holes. We all love Flav's holes. In fact, you can find most of the hole's hole's on the same interweb that you're on right now! It's both fun and haunting!
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Artie Duncan and Co. got jobs through connections, if you are one of these connections please contact me
It's 4:38am. The morning after Labor Day. I just opened my first beer of the day/night. Kids around the city will be waking up for their first day of school in a few hours. I will, hopefully, be passed out. Until then I'm going to waste my time looking at the Men Seeking Men section of Craig's List.
I'm not sure where Kelsey is. Since I threatened to make her laptop wallpaper random cock she left the room. The dining room light is on and our new roommate is sleeping in her room for the first time. Nevermind. I hear Kelsey making some noise in the kitchen. The safe bet is on toast...I was correct.
---
When a male posts a photo of himself on Craig's List of just his ass, it's a safe bet to assume he's a bottom. Use some common sense.
Rather than count, Kelsey is pasting all of the posts for today (9/5, midnight to 4:43) in a Word document. 55 people have posted. Glory hole.
---
My chest feels like 1,000 lbs.
---
The morning news has begun. We won. Kids are suckers.
---
Spuds MacKenzie is now my wallpaper. She died in 1993 in North Riverside. Free Willy is dead too.
I found a photo of Spuds skiiing.
---
It's difficult to sit by and watch kids go to school when my mom has no school to go to. It's difficult not to cut someone's brakes. It's difficult but it wouldn't help. Calling schools with incorrect listings don't seem to help either. The older I get the more obvious it becomes, it's all who you know/blow.
---
People that are against immigrants probably own(ed) brown people. It's just a hunch.
---
Daisy Fuentes hasn't done much of anything in almost 10-years except sell workout tapes on informercials. I'd like to see Daisy Fuentes on the Men Seeking Men page.
---
Yeah and he's tradin' in his Chevy for a Cadillac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac
You oughta know by now (You oughta know by now)
---
Chuck Berry wrote a song that mentioned school. He did not write songs that mentioned watching women pee. If he did, he disguised his lyrics.
---
When scouring the seeking section of Craig's List it's heartbreaking to read a post with a photo that doesn't feature a lewd photo.
I'm not sure where Kelsey is. Since I threatened to make her laptop wallpaper random cock she left the room. The dining room light is on and our new roommate is sleeping in her room for the first time. Nevermind. I hear Kelsey making some noise in the kitchen. The safe bet is on toast...I was correct.
---
When a male posts a photo of himself on Craig's List of just his ass, it's a safe bet to assume he's a bottom. Use some common sense.
Rather than count, Kelsey is pasting all of the posts for today (9/5, midnight to 4:43) in a Word document. 55 people have posted. Glory hole.
---
My chest feels like 1,000 lbs.
---
The morning news has begun. We won. Kids are suckers.
---
Spuds MacKenzie is now my wallpaper. She died in 1993 in North Riverside. Free Willy is dead too.
I found a photo of Spuds skiiing.
---
It's difficult to sit by and watch kids go to school when my mom has no school to go to. It's difficult not to cut someone's brakes. It's difficult but it wouldn't help. Calling schools with incorrect listings don't seem to help either. The older I get the more obvious it becomes, it's all who you know/blow.
---
People that are against immigrants probably own(ed) brown people. It's just a hunch.
---
Daisy Fuentes hasn't done much of anything in almost 10-years except sell workout tapes on informercials. I'd like to see Daisy Fuentes on the Men Seeking Men page.
---
Yeah and he's tradin' in his Chevy for a Cadillac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac
You oughta know by now (You oughta know by now)
---
Chuck Berry wrote a song that mentioned school. He did not write songs that mentioned watching women pee. If he did, he disguised his lyrics.
---
When scouring the seeking section of Craig's List it's heartbreaking to read a post with a photo that doesn't feature a lewd photo.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
It Tastes Better
I read #32 in one day. It made me hungry for chicken. My pants smelled like Popeye's this morning.
32. Maurice Possley "The Brown's Chicken Massacre"
31. James Kochalka "American Elf: James Kochalka's Collected Sketchbook Diaries"
32. Maurice Possley "The Brown's Chicken Massacre"
31. James Kochalka "American Elf: James Kochalka's Collected Sketchbook Diaries"
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Blah Blah Blah, Lawyer
30. John Updike "Three Trips"
29. Luis J. Rodriguez "Always Running: La Vida Loca: Gang Days in L.A."
28. Henry Rollins "Roomanitarian"
27. Chris Ware "Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth"
26. Al Burian "Burn Collector"
I think that's it.
29. Luis J. Rodriguez "Always Running: La Vida Loca: Gang Days in L.A."
28. Henry Rollins "Roomanitarian"
27. Chris Ware "Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth"
26. Al Burian "Burn Collector"
I think that's it.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
The almost half-way point
25. "Chicago Noir" edited by Neal Pollack
It doesn't appear that I'll read 52 books in 2006.
Doug/The Machine Media will be hosting a few bashes in the next few weeks. I'm excited. I'm getting new music to dance to. God damn.
It doesn't appear that I'll read 52 books in 2006.
Doug/The Machine Media will be hosting a few bashes in the next few weeks. I'm excited. I'm getting new music to dance to. God damn.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
My Top 6 Lollapallooza Acts
1. eels
2. The Raconteurs
3. The Flaming Lips
4. Gnarls Barkley
5. Smoking Popes
6. Sleater-Kinney
24. Nick Hornby "The Polysyllabic Spree"
23. Nick Hornby "Songbook"
22. Brian Costello "The Enchanters vs. Sprawlberg Springs"
2. The Raconteurs
3. The Flaming Lips
4. Gnarls Barkley
5. Smoking Popes
6. Sleater-Kinney
24. Nick Hornby "The Polysyllabic Spree"
23. Nick Hornby "Songbook"
22. Brian Costello "The Enchanters vs. Sprawlberg Springs"
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Sunday, July 16, 2006
I wrote this in Jan 2006
I used to throw all-day punk shows in church basements. They were benefit shows for charities I felt deserved the money. This way I got the bands to play for free. Since the shows were for charity, I didn't book bands based on my taste. If I did, the show would've lasted for an hour. Instead, they lasted for 10.
The first show was in December 2001. I decided to call it Music With Meaning. I held the event at the Ernest Hemingway Museum in Oak Park. The place had an auditorium and it seemed like a good location for a show. After seeing the space one time (I think in late October or early November, I don't really remember), I decided that it would be fine for a show. I contacted friends bands to play the show and everyone said yes. Too bad I didn't know anyone that well-known. It cost $750 to rent the venue from noon until ten p.m. I thought that since I looked at the venue, told them I wanted it and brought the contract with me to the show that everything would be fine. I was wrong. I should have made a courtesy call telling them I wanted the place. Whatever. It didn't matter. Ten bands played (I think it was ten), my mom collected money at the door ($6 or $5 with 2 cans of food), my best friend and former stage manager for our high school theater company ran backstage, old high school associates ran sound (one guy rented a 24-track sound board and made all the bands play direct, this was not my idea and I have yet to actually pay the man for his services or his costs for the board) and to make some extra money, I sold soda and pizza. The first Music with Meaning barely broke even. The charity did not see any money, but I was able to donate over 100 pounds of food to the local food pantry.
I learned a lot from that first benefit show. Book bands that are somewhat popular, don't let friends bands of friends bands play, keep overhead costs low, let bands perform with their own amps, two stages are better than one, don't pay for space, make flyers at Office Depot or Office Max and make sure everyone knows that they're playing for charity.
The second Music With Meaning was in the summer of 2002. This time I had six shows. Three in Chicago, two in Oak Park and one in Aurora. Two of them were raves. Well, attempts at a rave. Those failed. Bad idea. Really bad idea. One in Oak Park was in a church basement. That did not fail. The show began at noon. It ended just before 10 p.m. With one P.A., we ran one stage while another set up. There was not a lapse in music. The show was able to recoup expenses from the two failed raves. The majority of the bands that played were of the pop punk persuasion. I did not enjoy most of the bands. That did not matter. They helped me and I helped them. Good times were had by most. The 17-year olds that came to the show left reeking of sweat and spilled pop. I left with a limp and chaffed legs. Though I bitched about the shows for weeks leading up them, I throughoughly enjoyed myself. Each successful show gave me satisfaction in knowing that I could do something that wouldn't fail. This feeling lasted for at least another year. Music With Meaning 3 was four shows in December of 2002 and Music with Meaning 4 was eight or ten shows in June of 2003 and featured zinester friends of mine. MWM5 was a 50-hour radio marathon and four or six shows in June of 2004 and the last one was just one show in July of 2005.
Every time I feel like I'm too old to throw shows I become nostalgic for the first basement shows. I stare at the Intonation poster on my wall and feel depressed that I could never achieve as much as it has. I watch shitty movies at 4 a.m. so I don't think of this stuff. I compile lists like these, try to remember all the bands that have played all the shows. I can't remember all the bars, clubs, basements, stores and houses that let me host the shows, let alone all the bands that made noise. I know that it doesn't really matter. I'll never be able to recreate the first show and I know that it's not something I really want to do. The first show was a failure. The first basement show only bailed me out from the other failed shows in the second set. I've cut down on the shows but I've made more money with just one show than with ten in basements. I've also cut down on everyone that helped me, bands and exposure. I no longer try to get press and I no longer book bands that I hate just to bring people in. I guess this is a good thing. I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe if I only had bands I loathed things would be a little more exciting.
I was excited when a band sent me their demo so they could play Music With Meaning. Now, I'll listen to the first 30-seconds and if it sucks, sell it. I don't care about supporting a scene. I don't care about helping bands. No one has helped my band, so fuck all of them. What a wonderful, typical outlook.
I shouldn't even try to throw an all-ages show. I'm 23. It's just too creepy.
---
After spending the last hour searching for old fliers, I've decided to either try and top myself or just give up. 20 shows in 30 days or nothing. Do it in June. Something that includes all types of music, all types of writing, multiple charities, multiple forms of media coverage and more. Fuck it. Why not. I'll start planning now. It'll take a while to figure out what to do.
The first show was in December 2001. I decided to call it Music With Meaning. I held the event at the Ernest Hemingway Museum in Oak Park. The place had an auditorium and it seemed like a good location for a show. After seeing the space one time (I think in late October or early November, I don't really remember), I decided that it would be fine for a show. I contacted friends bands to play the show and everyone said yes. Too bad I didn't know anyone that well-known. It cost $750 to rent the venue from noon until ten p.m. I thought that since I looked at the venue, told them I wanted it and brought the contract with me to the show that everything would be fine. I was wrong. I should have made a courtesy call telling them I wanted the place. Whatever. It didn't matter. Ten bands played (I think it was ten), my mom collected money at the door ($6 or $5 with 2 cans of food), my best friend and former stage manager for our high school theater company ran backstage, old high school associates ran sound (one guy rented a 24-track sound board and made all the bands play direct, this was not my idea and I have yet to actually pay the man for his services or his costs for the board) and to make some extra money, I sold soda and pizza. The first Music with Meaning barely broke even. The charity did not see any money, but I was able to donate over 100 pounds of food to the local food pantry.
I learned a lot from that first benefit show. Book bands that are somewhat popular, don't let friends bands of friends bands play, keep overhead costs low, let bands perform with their own amps, two stages are better than one, don't pay for space, make flyers at Office Depot or Office Max and make sure everyone knows that they're playing for charity.
The second Music With Meaning was in the summer of 2002. This time I had six shows. Three in Chicago, two in Oak Park and one in Aurora. Two of them were raves. Well, attempts at a rave. Those failed. Bad idea. Really bad idea. One in Oak Park was in a church basement. That did not fail. The show began at noon. It ended just before 10 p.m. With one P.A., we ran one stage while another set up. There was not a lapse in music. The show was able to recoup expenses from the two failed raves. The majority of the bands that played were of the pop punk persuasion. I did not enjoy most of the bands. That did not matter. They helped me and I helped them. Good times were had by most. The 17-year olds that came to the show left reeking of sweat and spilled pop. I left with a limp and chaffed legs. Though I bitched about the shows for weeks leading up them, I throughoughly enjoyed myself. Each successful show gave me satisfaction in knowing that I could do something that wouldn't fail. This feeling lasted for at least another year. Music With Meaning 3 was four shows in December of 2002 and Music with Meaning 4 was eight or ten shows in June of 2003 and featured zinester friends of mine. MWM5 was a 50-hour radio marathon and four or six shows in June of 2004 and the last one was just one show in July of 2005.
Every time I feel like I'm too old to throw shows I become nostalgic for the first basement shows. I stare at the Intonation poster on my wall and feel depressed that I could never achieve as much as it has. I watch shitty movies at 4 a.m. so I don't think of this stuff. I compile lists like these, try to remember all the bands that have played all the shows. I can't remember all the bars, clubs, basements, stores and houses that let me host the shows, let alone all the bands that made noise. I know that it doesn't really matter. I'll never be able to recreate the first show and I know that it's not something I really want to do. The first show was a failure. The first basement show only bailed me out from the other failed shows in the second set. I've cut down on the shows but I've made more money with just one show than with ten in basements. I've also cut down on everyone that helped me, bands and exposure. I no longer try to get press and I no longer book bands that I hate just to bring people in. I guess this is a good thing. I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe if I only had bands I loathed things would be a little more exciting.
I was excited when a band sent me their demo so they could play Music With Meaning. Now, I'll listen to the first 30-seconds and if it sucks, sell it. I don't care about supporting a scene. I don't care about helping bands. No one has helped my band, so fuck all of them. What a wonderful, typical outlook.
I shouldn't even try to throw an all-ages show. I'm 23. It's just too creepy.
---
After spending the last hour searching for old fliers, I've decided to either try and top myself or just give up. 20 shows in 30 days or nothing. Do it in June. Something that includes all types of music, all types of writing, multiple charities, multiple forms of media coverage and more. Fuck it. Why not. I'll start planning now. It'll take a while to figure out what to do.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
It's all who you know
The last case on today's "Judge Judy" was about a 7-year old boy who accidentally hit a neighbors car because his bike went out of control. The plaintiff was suing for $370 to fix the scratch on her bumper. The plaintiff won. She's a fucking cunt. I believe in the mob when I hear stories like this one.
Mob justice would've fixed this dilemma without going to court. If the neighbor did the right thing and went to make sure the kid was ok, the child's mother would have been grateful and offered to fix the scratch. The car owner also shouldn't care about a scratch on her bumper because IT'S A GOD DAMN BUMPER. Bumpers exist for people to scratch up.
If the child's family was connected to the mob in some way the woman who sued would be dead. That's fine by me. She sued a 7-year old.
If anyone knows how I could obtain a mob connection (I'm good with office work, I could copy edit forged documents and I have no problems giving friends jobs) please let me know. They would make sure I get this hole in my tooth fixed.
Mob justice would've fixed this dilemma without going to court. If the neighbor did the right thing and went to make sure the kid was ok, the child's mother would have been grateful and offered to fix the scratch. The car owner also shouldn't care about a scratch on her bumper because IT'S A GOD DAMN BUMPER. Bumpers exist for people to scratch up.
If the child's family was connected to the mob in some way the woman who sued would be dead. That's fine by me. She sued a 7-year old.
If anyone knows how I could obtain a mob connection (I'm good with office work, I could copy edit forged documents and I have no problems giving friends jobs) please let me know. They would make sure I get this hole in my tooth fixed.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Little rascals
The Music with Meaning 7 thank you party has come and gone. I have extra meat and a cut on my hand.
From July 1 to July 19 I'll have "performed" (DJing, readings, music) at least 7 times. It's sort of a wind down from a month of events. I'm not handling it that well. Instead of going out every night I'm going out one night and getting drunk and then staying in the next night.
The 3 Stooges episode has Nazi soldiers. Curly has a photo of Hitler on his behind and the soldies say "Heil Hitler" every time he turns around. The short ends with a US Military bulldog biting Curly's ass.
I'm the local guy for this month's Perpetual Motion Roadshow. It's Saturday at Quimby's. I'm trying to finish the baseball issue of Foul. Maybe I'll find my 200+ Kirby Puckett cards today. The only baseball cards of mine that weren't stolen are of a dead, one-eyed rapist.
While working a White Sox game I heard a Smith's song over the PA. The 5 guys in bar hats and polo shirts were swaying to the beat. They were also making homophobic comments.
I finally finished a book.
21. Douglas Adams "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe"
From July 1 to July 19 I'll have "performed" (DJing, readings, music) at least 7 times. It's sort of a wind down from a month of events. I'm not handling it that well. Instead of going out every night I'm going out one night and getting drunk and then staying in the next night.
The 3 Stooges episode has Nazi soldiers. Curly has a photo of Hitler on his behind and the soldies say "Heil Hitler" every time he turns around. The short ends with a US Military bulldog biting Curly's ass.
I'm the local guy for this month's Perpetual Motion Roadshow. It's Saturday at Quimby's. I'm trying to finish the baseball issue of Foul. Maybe I'll find my 200+ Kirby Puckett cards today. The only baseball cards of mine that weren't stolen are of a dead, one-eyed rapist.
While working a White Sox game I heard a Smith's song over the PA. The 5 guys in bar hats and polo shirts were swaying to the beat. They were also making homophobic comments.
I finally finished a book.
21. Douglas Adams "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe"
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Music with Meaning Night 30 Recap
The last night of Music with Meaning 7 was the most like MWM 1-4. It was in two classrooms (sort of like the shows at Pilgrim Church), 8 bands played (like the shows at the Hemingway Musuem, Pilgrim, St. Giles), I ran the door and sound with friends and, just like Music with Meaning 1, Max and Mike took money at the door at one point.
Thanks to Hewhocorrupts Inc. for booking the bands. I'm done for a while.
Thanks to Hewhocorrupts Inc. for booking the bands. I'm done for a while.
Music with Meaning Night 29 Recap
Betty's was a suprisingly good show. Over 60 people came to see The Pumps, Canasta, All City Affairs and the Fake Fictions. Canasta played beautiful music. All City Affairs danced to a backing track.
I don't remember much.
I don't remember much.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Music with Meaning Night 28 Recap
Empty Bottle night 2.
Charlie Deets played his first (and last?) electronic set. It included a film for each song, a light show and crutches. It was the only time I've been at the Bottle and no one was in the pool room. No one. Everyone there watched the set in silence. It was fucking weird. Like Radiohead or some other critically acclaimed shit that no one can rip apart.
Fetor had to follow Charlie Deets. I'm in Fetor. It would have been hard to follow Mr. Deets but I was drunk and I'm an asshole so it was pretty easy. We played 9 songs in under 30 minutes. It was loud. I called people assholes and other mean things. We fucking ruled.
Penthouse Sweets ended the night with their bar band in a good way music. I would have liked to see more than the three songs I caught but I was pretty deaf from all that screaming.
Charlie Deets played his first (and last?) electronic set. It included a film for each song, a light show and crutches. It was the only time I've been at the Bottle and no one was in the pool room. No one. Everyone there watched the set in silence. It was fucking weird. Like Radiohead or some other critically acclaimed shit that no one can rip apart.
Fetor had to follow Charlie Deets. I'm in Fetor. It would have been hard to follow Mr. Deets but I was drunk and I'm an asshole so it was pretty easy. We played 9 songs in under 30 minutes. It was loud. I called people assholes and other mean things. We fucking ruled.
Penthouse Sweets ended the night with their bar band in a good way music. I would have liked to see more than the three songs I caught but I was pretty deaf from all that screaming.
Music with Meaning Night 27 Recap
Empty Bottle night 1.
This Is Cinema has a 17-year old singer. The boy has a deeper voice than Nick Cave and will probably have more illegal sex than you can imagine. Wrap it up kid, wrap it up.
Beard was good. They're always good. You have to be good when it's just drums, bass, violin and voice.
CrushKillDestroy were loud and gracious.
The night was long. I was at the Empty Bottle about 8 hours. I probably shouldn't have eaten Polish buffet before the show.
This Is Cinema has a 17-year old singer. The boy has a deeper voice than Nick Cave and will probably have more illegal sex than you can imagine. Wrap it up kid, wrap it up.
Beard was good. They're always good. You have to be good when it's just drums, bass, violin and voice.
CrushKillDestroy were loud and gracious.
The night was long. I was at the Empty Bottle about 8 hours. I probably shouldn't have eaten Polish buffet before the show.
Music with Meaning Night 26 Recap
I had to pause before writing this entry. I forgot what MWM event was on Monday. Monday was only three days ago. I'm that tired.
Now I remember. The event was at Phyliss' Musical Inn. The first MWM show at that bar. About 40 people came to the tiny bar and everyone seemed to dig everyone. The two touring bands, ari.ari. and Man At Arms were fucking loud. I missed most of Man At Arms because I was deaf from Fetor practice, but ari.ari. blew me away. Their singer/screamer is one of the most polite women off stage but while playing with her band, she writhed on the floor, screamed 6-inches from the crowd and jumped. She jumped on amps, chairs, people, the bar. It was great. The Notes and Scratches had more in common with Neutral Milk Hotel than Iggy Pop but the 'crowd' didn't leave. Instead, everyone came closer and for a few minutes it seemed like Chicago could have a music community not based around one genre, radio station or club.
The Notes and Scratches closed with "The Rainbow Connection".
Now I remember. The event was at Phyliss' Musical Inn. The first MWM show at that bar. About 40 people came to the tiny bar and everyone seemed to dig everyone. The two touring bands, ari.ari. and Man At Arms were fucking loud. I missed most of Man At Arms because I was deaf from Fetor practice, but ari.ari. blew me away. Their singer/screamer is one of the most polite women off stage but while playing with her band, she writhed on the floor, screamed 6-inches from the crowd and jumped. She jumped on amps, chairs, people, the bar. It was great. The Notes and Scratches had more in common with Neutral Milk Hotel than Iggy Pop but the 'crowd' didn't leave. Instead, everyone came closer and for a few minutes it seemed like Chicago could have a music community not based around one genre, radio station or club.
The Notes and Scratches closed with "The Rainbow Connection".
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Music with Meaning Night 25 Recap
Oh, Liar's Club. You are the devil incarnate.
LMNOP played a set that drove Herb crazy that I loved. Camaro Rouge were way too fucking loud so I bought their album. The Countdown were great and made everyone want to fuck in uncomfortable places.
I bought a Countdown shirt. It says...
DRINK
FIGHT
FUCK
The Countdown should play divorce hearings.
LMNOP played a set that drove Herb crazy that I loved. Camaro Rouge were way too fucking loud so I bought their album. The Countdown were great and made everyone want to fuck in uncomfortable places.
I bought a Countdown shirt. It says...
DRINK
FIGHT
FUCK
The Countdown should play divorce hearings.
Music with Meaning Night 24 Recap
Kelsey and I spun records at Delilah's after the Intonation Music Fest.
I shouldn't have drank 9 Sparks at Intonation.
We had bow out early.
Sorry.
Sparks are for 15-year old girls who yearn to fuck their older sister's football star boyfriend. I am not that girl.
I shouldn't have drank 9 Sparks at Intonation.
We had bow out early.
Sorry.
Sparks are for 15-year old girls who yearn to fuck their older sister's football star boyfriend. I am not that girl.
Music with Meaning Night 23 Recap
Nine bands played over five hours. Dreamend was my favorite. I bought both their albums. They streamed "Night of the Living Dead". Their singer/guitarist wore a tuxedo. They are shoegazer/horror/electronic (I'm only using that word because they have samples, at least it sounds like they do).
Hooray for Dreamend.
Nine bands in five hours is too many.
Hooray for Dreamend.
Nine bands in five hours is too many.
Music with Meaning Night 22 Recap
Thanks to Jan from the Hungry Brain. Without her night 22 wouldn't have happened. After a debacle at the California Clipper (if you want to know the whole story ask me in person), Jan let us move to the Brain three hours before start-time.
Megan Stielstra read first and made me wish I used songs in my readings. Brent Kado read a poignent piece on the joys of riding the CTA. Jonathan Messinger got the bars attention when he compared himself to Michael Jackson. Andrew Huff presented a list of bands/books and bands/movies that only had me booing once. CT Ballentine read another excerpt from his novel and it was like poetry that doesn't suck. High Hawk played Americana music but was too loud. Their 'fans' were also really fucking loud.
Can't win'em all.
Megan Stielstra read first and made me wish I used songs in my readings. Brent Kado read a poignent piece on the joys of riding the CTA. Jonathan Messinger got the bars attention when he compared himself to Michael Jackson. Andrew Huff presented a list of bands/books and bands/movies that only had me booing once. CT Ballentine read another excerpt from his novel and it was like poetry that doesn't suck. High Hawk played Americana music but was too loud. Their 'fans' were also really fucking loud.
Can't win'em all.
Music with Meaning Night 21 Recap
I had to miss the comedy because it was The Machine's first night spinning at the new 4am The Continental. Kelsey and I drank too much, spun two hours longer than originally booked for and got paid. It was sweet. 4am's rule. So does Herb from Liar's Club.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Music with Meaning Night 19 Recap
Quimby's was almost packed. JR Nelson did the best reading, which was a shock. I knew nothing about the man and he pleased the place. Amy Phillips read a piece that everyone there could relate (about becoming jaded in music), Brian Costello played air drums and Jessica Hopper was laughing. It was fun.
Amy and Brian spun records with us at Rodan after Quimby's. I was the fattest guy in the place. That's why I got really drunk and spun soul music.
Amy and Brian spun records with us at Rodan after Quimby's. I was the fattest guy in the place. That's why I got really drunk and spun soul music.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Music with Meaning Night 18 Recap
I love Mannequin Men, Doug Travis and PAL.
The father's day show was one I was hoping wouldn't disappoint me. It did not. Every band played their excellent version of rock and roll. PAL sounds like a completely different band then they did three years ago. They've grown a lot and could be played on XRT. Doug Travis remains my second favorite live act in the city (HeWhoCorrupts is #1). Their guitarist CT got a hand-job from frontman Billy. Mannequin Men put all other 'garage' bands to shame.
I had a great time. I now own a Doug Travis EP, hat, hoodie, polo shirt and patch.
The father's day show was one I was hoping wouldn't disappoint me. It did not. Every band played their excellent version of rock and roll. PAL sounds like a completely different band then they did three years ago. They've grown a lot and could be played on XRT. Doug Travis remains my second favorite live act in the city (HeWhoCorrupts is #1). Their guitarist CT got a hand-job from frontman Billy. Mannequin Men put all other 'garage' bands to shame.
I had a great time. I now own a Doug Travis EP, hat, hoodie, polo shirt and patch.
Music with Meaning Night 17 Recap
God damn work. I was not able to attend the Lincoln Square Lanes show. Kelsey told me it was fun. The Wanderers took a smoke break in front of propane tanks.
Music with Meaning Night 16 Recap
Nine bands in two classrooms. I was able to watch about 6 songs be performed. That has to be incorrect grammer.
Quasar Wut Wut played a great set of Americana/punk/folk/rock and roll music. The Gnomes had 10 kids dancing. Recent Photo reminded me of Yo La Tengo. Six more bands played.
These shows make me tired.
Quasar Wut Wut played a great set of Americana/punk/folk/rock and roll music. The Gnomes had 10 kids dancing. Recent Photo reminded me of Yo La Tengo. Six more bands played.
These shows make me tired.
Music with Meaning Night 15 Recap
The halfway point was bittersweet. The Beat Kitchen was well-attended but not well-attended enough. Due to an extra late start (fuck you, Bayside) on a Thursday night, most of the people that came to see Sally couldn't hang around for the 1am start time.
Arks were great. So great I bought a t-shirt. It was awkward when their guitarist saw me at the Hungry Brain the next day wearing said shirt.
They used Danelectro guitars in a very good way.
Arks were great. So great I bought a t-shirt. It was awkward when their guitarist saw me at the Hungry Brain the next day wearing said shirt.
They used Danelectro guitars in a very good way.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Music with Meaning Night 14 Recap
Izom brought a lot of people to the Double Door. Metal.
I drank too much. I need to stop drinking so much.
I 'sang' with Twin Wrecks the Memory for a song. I did this because I had too much to drink.
Good show. The place was pretty full. I didn't need to go to Liar's Club and then eat Taco Bell.
I drank too much. I need to stop drinking so much.
I 'sang' with Twin Wrecks the Memory for a song. I did this because I had too much to drink.
Good show. The place was pretty full. I didn't need to go to Liar's Club and then eat Taco Bell.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Music with Meaning Night 13 Recap
Mike, the owner of Delilah's kept giving Eric and me whiskey. We drank so much whiskey. I almost pissed my pants. I fucking love spinning records at Delilah's.
At one point I did the dance the Blues Brothers do while performing "Gimme Some Lovin'" behind the bar.
I spent $2 on Adams' Family pinball. I suck at pinball.
The place was packed. Thanks for coming, world.
At one point I did the dance the Blues Brothers do while performing "Gimme Some Lovin'" behind the bar.
I spent $2 on Adams' Family pinball. I suck at pinball.
The place was packed. Thanks for coming, world.
Music with Meaning Night 12 Recap
I am hip-hop. I know everything about the genre. I hate when people refer to it as culture. That goes for any music genre that calls itself culture. That's bullshit.
Bullet was great. Ya-B was great. Marflow pulled up all the MCs for freestyling. Rock and roll isn't like that. There's too much whining in rock and roll. If not enough people are in the crowd a rock band will put on a shitty show. Not these MCs. They didn't seem to care whether 50 or 500 people were in Abbey Pub.
I had a good time. I also ate wings.
Bullet was great. Ya-B was great. Marflow pulled up all the MCs for freestyling. Rock and roll isn't like that. There's too much whining in rock and roll. If not enough people are in the crowd a rock band will put on a shitty show. Not these MCs. They didn't seem to care whether 50 or 500 people were in Abbey Pub.
I had a good time. I also ate wings.
Music with Meaning Night 11 Recap
A nice, laid back Sunday evening in Pilsen. Eric, Kelsey and I got to do an all-vinyl set and we weren't restricted to just Chicago music. The Skylark patrons seemed to dig everything we played. For some odd reason George Harrison's "Got My Mind Set on You" garned the biggest reaction. Who knew the dead, stabbed Beatle's pop work would be so danceable.
My one regret was not playing at Bach on Moog album.
My one regret was not playing at Bach on Moog album.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Music with Meaning Night 10 Recap
I love Daniel Knox. He's one of the few performers that I'll still enjoy at 40, 50 or 60. He played another great set and this time had a guest theramin player. Marilyn Manson and Daniel Knox used theramins.
Ash in Pensacola is a band I've wanted to see for the last 6-months but never could. I'm glad they played. A stripped down set of just a guitarist and singer worked well in Martyrs.
The Thin Man ranged from alt-country, circus, folk and Americana roots rock. The group played an all-too short 45-minute set and a baby was there. She just turned a year old. The baby liked The Thin Man.
Great night. Shitty circumstances. God damn Rib Fest.
Ash in Pensacola is a band I've wanted to see for the last 6-months but never could. I'm glad they played. A stripped down set of just a guitarist and singer worked well in Martyrs.
The Thin Man ranged from alt-country, circus, folk and Americana roots rock. The group played an all-too short 45-minute set and a baby was there. She just turned a year old. The baby liked The Thin Man.
Great night. Shitty circumstances. God damn Rib Fest.
Music with Meaning Night 9 Recap
Friday night was the first of four shows in the basement of DePaul's McGaw Hall. 8 bands played in two classrooms. It was cheap.
The show had an odd feeling. Maybe it was the fluorescent lights or maybe it was because classes ended that day but the June 9 show felt like it already happened. The bands and the paying attendees seemed to want to be somewhere else. No one complained and most people seemed to have a good time, but something was missing. It was cold outside, sweaty basement shows are usually the best.
KK Rampage jumped into desks, but too early in their set. Canteen played a great set with a keyboard, programmed drum beats from an iPod and surf guitar but too many people were watching Elephant and Castle to consider even trying out a new group. The Digital Kill sounded loud from 100 feet outside the room. Whalehorse used a projector to the fullest.
Odd show. Worthwhile but odd.
The show had an odd feeling. Maybe it was the fluorescent lights or maybe it was because classes ended that day but the June 9 show felt like it already happened. The bands and the paying attendees seemed to want to be somewhere else. No one complained and most people seemed to have a good time, but something was missing. It was cold outside, sweaty basement shows are usually the best.
KK Rampage jumped into desks, but too early in their set. Canteen played a great set with a keyboard, programmed drum beats from an iPod and surf guitar but too many people were watching Elephant and Castle to consider even trying out a new group. The Digital Kill sounded loud from 100 feet outside the room. Whalehorse used a projector to the fullest.
Odd show. Worthwhile but odd.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Music with Meaning Night 8 Recap
Last night's Double Door taught me a valuable lesson in rock. Dudes like to rock and dudes like to drink.
The Quitters, a band I booked on a recommendation, were great. They recorded their set on a cassette tape, gave away their CD for free and their guitarist/singer Matt threw his guitar on the floor. He threw it to the floor in front of the stage.
Low of the Low are five dudes who like saying 'Bro' and drinking. They fucking rocked. Fucking is the only adjective one should use when describing the south side stoner metal band.
My Big Beautiful brought the old school pop punk. It's rare for me to enjoy pop punk. I enjoyed their set.
That last paragraph sounds horrible. No one should use the word brought when describing music. The use of the word instantly makes the writer seem old and creepy, like a Rolling Stone writer.
I got drunk and yelled at Jesus and the Devil to play songs I wanted to hear. They did. It was great. Their drummer kicked over his set. I bought their t-shirt. They will be entered in the Chicago Rock-Off series.
The Quitters, a band I booked on a recommendation, were great. They recorded their set on a cassette tape, gave away their CD for free and their guitarist/singer Matt threw his guitar on the floor. He threw it to the floor in front of the stage.
Low of the Low are five dudes who like saying 'Bro' and drinking. They fucking rocked. Fucking is the only adjective one should use when describing the south side stoner metal band.
My Big Beautiful brought the old school pop punk. It's rare for me to enjoy pop punk. I enjoyed their set.
That last paragraph sounds horrible. No one should use the word brought when describing music. The use of the word instantly makes the writer seem old and creepy, like a Rolling Stone writer.
I got drunk and yelled at Jesus and the Devil to play songs I wanted to hear. They did. It was great. Their drummer kicked over his set. I bought their t-shirt. They will be entered in the Chicago Rock-Off series.
Music with Meaning Night 7 Recap
I love's Cal's Liquors. I only want to attend shows at Cal's, The Mutiny and Liar's Club.
The Spoken Four were good. Walking Bicycles were good. The Reptoids were good. Everyone was good. Everyone was loud. Everyone was drinking. In the top 10 of MWM shows I've thrown.
I should write more. Fuck it. Just show up.
The Spoken Four were good. Walking Bicycles were good. The Reptoids were good. Everyone was good. Everyone was loud. Everyone was drinking. In the top 10 of MWM shows I've thrown.
I should write more. Fuck it. Just show up.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Adding lbs.
I just watched myself on 'JBTV'. I'm not aging well.
At least I don't suck as much as this Head Automatica song and video.
At least I don't suck as much as this Head Automatica song and video.
Music with Meaning Night 6 Recap
Night six was the first MWM event we've ever done at Subterranean. The place seems a lot smaller during load-in and soundcheck.
The Patent Clerks was a pleasent suprise. The Columbus, Mo group made everyone (about 15 people) shut-up and listen in a good way. The Elevens and Mira Mira brought some nice mellow indie rock. STAR was my favorite of the night. It was my first time seeing them and I had no idea that their Dinosaur Jr./Republica/Big Black/My Bloody Valentine/La Bouche style of rock was done with just a drum machine (beats from an iPod), guitar and bass. Coupleskate was an ideal band to close out the evening, playing a 40-minute set of solid indie rock.
Hip hop was on the ground level. Indie rock was on the second level. Worlds did not collide.
P!nk is biting the hand that feeds. Trent Reznor is the 'angriest' 45-year old.
The Patent Clerks was a pleasent suprise. The Columbus, Mo group made everyone (about 15 people) shut-up and listen in a good way. The Elevens and Mira Mira brought some nice mellow indie rock. STAR was my favorite of the night. It was my first time seeing them and I had no idea that their Dinosaur Jr./Republica/Big Black/My Bloody Valentine/La Bouche style of rock was done with just a drum machine (beats from an iPod), guitar and bass. Coupleskate was an ideal band to close out the evening, playing a 40-minute set of solid indie rock.
Hip hop was on the ground level. Indie rock was on the second level. Worlds did not collide.
P!nk is biting the hand that feeds. Trent Reznor is the 'angriest' 45-year old.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Music with Meaning Night 5 Recap
Thanks to The Skeeballs for driving out from Lake Geneva to play the Horseshoe on a Monday night. Thanks to everyone who came out. Thanks to The Stranger for playing an excellent 45-minute set of rockabilly. They were a perfect example of four parts coming together to drown out the rest of the world/bar.
I wanted to mention Joshua Dumas the other day. He read on night 3 at Mojoe's. Before the reading I had yet to meet Mr. Dumas. Through the festival we 'met' through emails and he asked to read. I said yes. His reading/performance/whatever was definitly one of the best yet. His story of lost/not lost/never there love was both heartbreaking and beautiful. He started slow and uncomfortable. He finished the same way. Everyone was paying heed to every word uttered. People with published books leaned over to ask me, "Who is this guy? He's great."
I'm still sick. I can't sleep due to construction. Tonight's show at Subterranean should be nice and mellow.
God damn jackhammers.
I almost forgot, today is 6/6/06. I am the most evil and most good motherfucker ever. It's a fact.
The next 7 days...
mellow, ambient rock
drunken grunge, grrrl, punk rock
readings - ROCK
8 bands in a classroom
critically acclaimed piano men
spinning records in Pilsen
HIP-HOP
I wanted to mention Joshua Dumas the other day. He read on night 3 at Mojoe's. Before the reading I had yet to meet Mr. Dumas. Through the festival we 'met' through emails and he asked to read. I said yes. His reading/performance/whatever was definitly one of the best yet. His story of lost/not lost/never there love was both heartbreaking and beautiful. He started slow and uncomfortable. He finished the same way. Everyone was paying heed to every word uttered. People with published books leaned over to ask me, "Who is this guy? He's great."
I'm still sick. I can't sleep due to construction. Tonight's show at Subterranean should be nice and mellow.
God damn jackhammers.
I almost forgot, today is 6/6/06. I am the most evil and most good motherfucker ever. It's a fact.
The next 7 days...
mellow, ambient rock
drunken grunge, grrrl, punk rock
readings - ROCK
8 bands in a classroom
critically acclaimed piano men
spinning records in Pilsen
HIP-HOP
Music with Meaning Night 4 Recap
Due to said illness I missed night 4 of Music with Meaning 7. This was the first MWM event I've ever missed.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Music with Meaning Night 2 Recap
First Music with Meaning show in Pilsen. First Music with Meaning show in a church that was out of operation. First Music with Meanign show, to my knowledge, that a band member walked out of due to booze.
Emily Jane Powers, In Miniature and Hotel Brotherhood put on excellent shows. The setting made everything feel surreal (does that make sense?) and the beer before, during and after the show added a fuzzy feeling.
Waking up at 9am to buy records today was a bad idea. Eating Pizza Hut was worse than the night of drinking.
Emily Jane Powers, In Miniature and Hotel Brotherhood put on excellent shows. The setting made everything feel surreal (does that make sense?) and the beer before, during and after the show added a fuzzy feeling.
Waking up at 9am to buy records today was a bad idea. Eating Pizza Hut was worse than the night of drinking.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Music with Meaning Night 1 Recap
Altgeld Forgotten made me smile. Paper Bullets made me hurt my neck. Herb danced too much and fell into a chair. Herb is my boss.
Evening 1 was a success. No injuries, a good amount of people (about 100), pleasant weather and Eric got to DJ for the majority of the night.
Thanks to everyone that came out. The next three nights will mellow everyone.
Evening 1 was a success. No injuries, a good amount of people (about 100), pleasant weather and Eric got to DJ for the majority of the night.
Thanks to everyone that came out. The next three nights will mellow everyone.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Legal advice
There is a construction crew on the balcony. They're here every Monday through Friday, 7:30am until 4pm. They have jackhammers. Many jackhammers. It's impossible to sleep when a jackhammer is in use and less than 10 feet away. Trust me, I've tried. It doesn't matter if you haven't slept in 48-hours or are really drunk, it's impossible to sleep.
I live in an apartment. When the lease was signed for the year there was no mention of construction. No rights. There is no way to get out of the lease. There's a jackhammer 10 feet from me.
This construction is making it hard not to be a racist. I'm starting to hold grudges against old, Jewish men just because of one guy.
I live in an apartment. When the lease was signed for the year there was no mention of construction. No rights. There is no way to get out of the lease. There's a jackhammer 10 feet from me.
This construction is making it hard not to be a racist. I'm starting to hold grudges against old, Jewish men just because of one guy.
848
Music with Meaning 7 begins tonight. Paper Bullets and Altgeld Forgotten will play rock and roll/punk music and Eric Lab Rat, Kelsey Snell and I will spin records. It will be fun if people show up.
If you listen to NPR and live in Chicago you might hear the festival getting mentioned on the morning show Eight Forty Eight. Hooray. That wasn't sarcasm. I'm just not sure how much it'll help.
Oprah had a Legends Ball. Alicia Keys, Ashanti, Angela Bassett, Halle Berry, Mary J. Blige, Brandy, Naomi Campbell, Mariah Carey, Natalie Cole, Kimberly Elise, Missy Elliott, Tyra Banks, Iman, Janet Jackson, Phylicia Rashad, Debbie Allen and Alfre Woodard were honored.
Alicia Keys - made famous because of Clive Davis, on old white guy
Ashanti - made famous because of a corrupt record label, Murder Inc.
Angela Bassett - most famous role is of Tina Turner in "What's Love Got to do With It", got the shit kicked out of her by Ike
Halle Berry - only won an Academy Award after showing her breasts
Mary J. Blige - well documented coke problem
Brandy - became famous after doing mall tours for a record label run by old white guys
Naomi Campbell - too easy
Mariah Carey - married her old boss
Natalie Cole - drug problem, most famous for 'duet' with her father
Kimberly Elise - unknown by most, invited for her role in the Oprah produced film "Beloved"
Missy Elliott - "Put the pussy on ya, like I told ya" from "Work It"
Tyra Banks - she put on a fat suit to 'understand' how it is to be overweight and then cried to actual obese people about her experience
Iman - married to David Bowie, actually qualifies as legendary is my mind
Janet Jackson - too easy
Phylicia Rashad - a famous Brooklyn based lawyer with a loving family and a well-to-do doctor husband
Debbie Allen - I used to love "A Different World"
Alfre Woodard - I got nothing on Mrs. Woodard. She's a well-respected actress and hasn't taken many sub-par roles.
I'm a bigger legend than most of these women. I just don't have some old white guy telling me what to do.
If you listen to NPR and live in Chicago you might hear the festival getting mentioned on the morning show Eight Forty Eight. Hooray. That wasn't sarcasm. I'm just not sure how much it'll help.
Oprah had a Legends Ball. Alicia Keys, Ashanti, Angela Bassett, Halle Berry, Mary J. Blige, Brandy, Naomi Campbell, Mariah Carey, Natalie Cole, Kimberly Elise, Missy Elliott, Tyra Banks, Iman, Janet Jackson, Phylicia Rashad, Debbie Allen and Alfre Woodard were honored.
Alicia Keys - made famous because of Clive Davis, on old white guy
Ashanti - made famous because of a corrupt record label, Murder Inc.
Angela Bassett - most famous role is of Tina Turner in "What's Love Got to do With It", got the shit kicked out of her by Ike
Halle Berry - only won an Academy Award after showing her breasts
Mary J. Blige - well documented coke problem
Brandy - became famous after doing mall tours for a record label run by old white guys
Naomi Campbell - too easy
Mariah Carey - married her old boss
Natalie Cole - drug problem, most famous for 'duet' with her father
Kimberly Elise - unknown by most, invited for her role in the Oprah produced film "Beloved"
Missy Elliott - "Put the pussy on ya, like I told ya" from "Work It"
Tyra Banks - she put on a fat suit to 'understand' how it is to be overweight and then cried to actual obese people about her experience
Iman - married to David Bowie, actually qualifies as legendary is my mind
Janet Jackson - too easy
Phylicia Rashad - a famous Brooklyn based lawyer with a loving family and a well-to-do doctor husband
Debbie Allen - I used to love "A Different World"
Alfre Woodard - I got nothing on Mrs. Woodard. She's a well-respected actress and hasn't taken many sub-par roles.
I'm a bigger legend than most of these women. I just don't have some old white guy telling me what to do.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
I have so many posters
20. Alix Kates Shulman "Memoirs of an Ex-Prom Queen"
The festival starts a week from today. 30 days of stuff to do. Blow me.
The festival starts a week from today. 30 days of stuff to do. Blow me.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Sandwich
It has recently come to my attention that I am not growing as a writer. In the past five months I've yet to write anything substantial. Lots of lists about music (which probably says something about my relationships with anyone human) and fear of saying something that will cause trouble. Friends of mine who I thought were horrible writers have lapped me tenfold. Good?
I can't name drop here. Nor will I make a list. Out of fear I will not rate my friends.
My problem, at least what I think is my problem, is that I can't stop thinking about these people. Thinking about these people leads me to not write. What is there to write about? There's a lot to write about, a lot I want to 'say', but I'm not thinking of anything. So I surround myself with them. Whenever one is too far out of reach I call for coffee or beer or something. If I'm friends with writers I must be one too.
---
I just finished watching "The Jacket". Eh.
19. Rich Koslowski "The King"
I can't name drop here. Nor will I make a list. Out of fear I will not rate my friends.
My problem, at least what I think is my problem, is that I can't stop thinking about these people. Thinking about these people leads me to not write. What is there to write about? There's a lot to write about, a lot I want to 'say', but I'm not thinking of anything. So I surround myself with them. Whenever one is too far out of reach I call for coffee or beer or something. If I'm friends with writers I must be one too.
---
I just finished watching "The Jacket". Eh.
19. Rich Koslowski "The King"
Thursday, May 04, 2006
From yesterday's child show experience
I just watched Buddy Guy on an episode of "Big Music Show" on the kids network Noggin. He played the "King of Swing". Does anyone out there have the audacity and lack of soul to call Mr. Guy a sell-out?
The show was hard to watch.
Guy looks a lot better without hair.
A blue puppet played a horn.
Fucking weird.
I like Buddy Guy, but why didn't they get Brian Setzer? He plays "swing" music. The show was weird.
The show was hard to watch.
Guy looks a lot better without hair.
A blue puppet played a horn.
Fucking weird.
I like Buddy Guy, but why didn't they get Brian Setzer? He plays "swing" music. The show was weird.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
"Action" movie
The "Harry Potter" series puts the lead characters in danger for no reason. They create the danger that almost kills them. It's true with most action movies. If characters just pulled out guns most problems would be solved within ten minutes.
Knowing your role
It's 10:36 am. I'm watching Comedy Central. A David Cross comedy special is on. If there was no apartment construction, no job, etc. I would just be waking up. I would still be watching the same thing. The commercial that just aired was for Taco Bell. Rather than try to come across as healthy or cheap, they're focusing on the fact that drunks like to eat Taco Bell as their "Fourth Meal". Kudos, Taco Bell. Thank you for not bullshitting everyone.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
You'll never be satisfied if you don't know why you're doing it
With each passing day I'm getting shorter and shorter with the talent that is part of Music with Meaning 7. Questions that need to be answered like set times, prices, load-in times, etc. don't bother me. They make sense. Questions and/or concerns about bands getting paid don't irritate me. I can understand that. Gas is expensive, it's a hassle to lug equipment around, blah blah blah. I'm in a band, I get it. What I don't get is when bands with little to no real fan base expect to be treated like they sold out an arena.
In every interview I've given about Music with Meaning (I know it's not a lot, but humor me) I've wanted to talk shit about all the bands that said no for what I consider bullshit reasons. Bullshit reasons are: wanting money (bands didn't get paid for Music with Meaning 1-6) and not playing "smaller shows". My response to the former complaint is that you don't deserve any money. You'd be playing 30-minutes for 100 people on a lineup with 10 other bands. If we split the money evenly among bands you'd be taking home about $15. That's nothing. Selling a shirt and CD would make you more and make the show worthwhile to play. To bands that want more money to play, break up. I only asked you to play because someone else likes you and charity is charity.
I never really had any performer tell me they were 'too big' until this year. It's funny to me because bands that they open for, bands that are 'bigger' are playing the festival. The band that said no has played showcases for every major and indie label they wanted to be on and all of them said no. The band hasn't had a decent show in 6-months. The band has lost key members. In other words, if they band ever 'makes it' it won't be with their current line-up and it won't be with the songs they're playing.
I won't write the name of the band. Anyone who is a friend of mine already know what band I'm referring to. The best part about the entire thing is I only asked the band out of pity. I like their frontman outside of a musical context and I felt bad for the guy because his band isn't really going anywhere.
In every interview I've given about Music with Meaning (I know it's not a lot, but humor me) I've wanted to talk shit about all the bands that said no for what I consider bullshit reasons. Bullshit reasons are: wanting money (bands didn't get paid for Music with Meaning 1-6) and not playing "smaller shows". My response to the former complaint is that you don't deserve any money. You'd be playing 30-minutes for 100 people on a lineup with 10 other bands. If we split the money evenly among bands you'd be taking home about $15. That's nothing. Selling a shirt and CD would make you more and make the show worthwhile to play. To bands that want more money to play, break up. I only asked you to play because someone else likes you and charity is charity.
I never really had any performer tell me they were 'too big' until this year. It's funny to me because bands that they open for, bands that are 'bigger' are playing the festival. The band that said no has played showcases for every major and indie label they wanted to be on and all of them said no. The band hasn't had a decent show in 6-months. The band has lost key members. In other words, if they band ever 'makes it' it won't be with their current line-up and it won't be with the songs they're playing.
I won't write the name of the band. Anyone who is a friend of mine already know what band I'm referring to. The best part about the entire thing is I only asked the band out of pity. I like their frontman outside of a musical context and I felt bad for the guy because his band isn't really going anywhere.
Friday, April 28, 2006
The first hipster
James Dean, Alan Ginsberg or Bob Dylan was not the first hipster. They may have helped define cool or weird or counter-culture but Hunter S. Thompson holds the title of the world's first hipster.
The Gonzo writer loved himself. No respectable human being would take copious amounts of drugs and write about the experience like he was the first person to ever "lose their mind". Have respect for your elders, realize that you're not the first person to do anything and don't treat people like shit just because you can. How did Mr. Thompson treat people like shit? He trashed hotel rooms, destroyed cars and, worst of all, killed himself with a gun. Blue collar workers had to clean up all of his messes. His white collar Rolling Stone editors laughed and marveled at his whirlwind experiences. This is the self-involved giving a hand job to the ultimate hipster.
Anyone can write like Hunter S. Thompson. It's a simple process that requires no drug use, money or writing ability.
Step 1: Stay up all night.
Step 2: Record any/everything that comes in your mind (on paper or on tape).
Step 3: Think up enemies (real or fictional).
Step 4: Define your generation with someone/thing corrupt (war, politician, natural disaster, etc.).
Step 5: Refer to pop culture icons on a first name basis.
Step 6: Mourn the loss of the "good old days".
Step 7: Edit nothing.
There you go, the process of Gonzo journalism. This easily translates into hipster living.
Step 1: Look like you've stayed up all night.
Step 2: Talk about recordings and writings that no one has ever heard of.
Step 3: Think up enemies and mention to everyone how you did a shitload of lines with them.
Step 4: Define yourself with someone/thing corrupt.
Step 5: Refer to tabloid fodder on a first name basis.
Step 6: Mourn the loss of your childhood.
Step 7: Think of no one but yourself and/or celebrities.
You can do it, anyone can do it, no one should do it.
The Gonzo writer loved himself. No respectable human being would take copious amounts of drugs and write about the experience like he was the first person to ever "lose their mind". Have respect for your elders, realize that you're not the first person to do anything and don't treat people like shit just because you can. How did Mr. Thompson treat people like shit? He trashed hotel rooms, destroyed cars and, worst of all, killed himself with a gun. Blue collar workers had to clean up all of his messes. His white collar Rolling Stone editors laughed and marveled at his whirlwind experiences. This is the self-involved giving a hand job to the ultimate hipster.
Anyone can write like Hunter S. Thompson. It's a simple process that requires no drug use, money or writing ability.
Step 1: Stay up all night.
Step 2: Record any/everything that comes in your mind (on paper or on tape).
Step 3: Think up enemies (real or fictional).
Step 4: Define your generation with someone/thing corrupt (war, politician, natural disaster, etc.).
Step 5: Refer to pop culture icons on a first name basis.
Step 6: Mourn the loss of the "good old days".
Step 7: Edit nothing.
There you go, the process of Gonzo journalism. This easily translates into hipster living.
Step 1: Look like you've stayed up all night.
Step 2: Talk about recordings and writings that no one has ever heard of.
Step 3: Think up enemies and mention to everyone how you did a shitload of lines with them.
Step 4: Define yourself with someone/thing corrupt.
Step 5: Refer to tabloid fodder on a first name basis.
Step 6: Mourn the loss of your childhood.
Step 7: Think of no one but yourself and/or celebrities.
You can do it, anyone can do it, no one should do it.
Music, I've been working in music
My friends ask me what I'm listening to. I ask my friends what they're listening to. Fuck that. I don't want to talk to my friends. I HAVE A BLOG! Here are my...
TOP 68 ALBUMS OF 2006 AS OF TODAY, HOORAY, FUCK THE KKK!!!
1. Gnarls Barkley "St. Elsewhere"
"Crazy" is the best single of the year and "Just a Thought" is the best song of the year with the best lyric of the year, "It's not just good/it's great depression".
2. Mark Pickerel "Snake in the Radio"
Mr. Pickerel played drums in the Screaming Trees. Now he's fronting an alt-country band. It's great. Bloodshot's best release since Neko Case's "Blacklisted".
3. Sally "The Picardy Third EP"
Grrrtars. (Comment based on the work of the Charlie)
4. Neko Cash "Fox Confessor Brings the Flood"
No pro-tools, no Bloodshot and no remixes from The Neptunes.
5. MC Lars "The Graduate"
Critics hated this album. I liked every song on it. I know it's juvenile but I listen to every song without skipping, so it's good.
6. NOFX "Never Trust a Hippy"
"You're wrong for not hating Ann Coulter/cause she's a cunted cunt"
7. The Submarines "Declare A New State"
This album doesn't come out til June so don't try to steal it yet. I've never heard of the band and I'm pretty sure this is their debut. It's the album Mates of States would've made if they broke up.
8. Eagles of Death Metal "Death By Sexy"
This music should produce many children out of wedlock.
9. The Deadstring Brothers "Starving Winter Report"
I want to see them perform.
10. Magneto "Sounds Like Space"
Veruca Salt if they never dated Dave Grohl.
11. Quasi "When the Going Gets Dark"
If I was really hip I'd make this my number one pick.
12. The Strokes "First Impressions of Earth"
I hated the first Strokes album. I didn't like the second Strokes album. I like the Strokes third album.
13. Drive-By Truckers "A Blessing and a Curse"
I wish the Drive-By Truckers were the house band at the Horseshoe.
14. Sondre Lerche With the Faces Down Quartet "Duper Sessions"
15. Beth Orton "Comfort of Strangers"
16. The Sword "Age of Winters"
Metal. Metal.
17. NOFX "Wolves in Wolves Clothing"
18. Bonnie "Prince" Billy/Tortoise "The Brave and the Bold"
I listened to their version of Elton John's "Daniel" on repeat while wandering around Manhattan in March.
19. The Flaming Lips "At War with the Mystics"
20. charliedeets "The Lost Larrikin Long Play"
No grrtars.
21. Electric Six "Senor Smoke"
22. The Streets "The Hardest Way to Make an Easy Living"
The hip-hop version of Arctic Monkeys.
23. Arctic Monkeys "Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I Am Not"
The rock version of The Streets.
24. Brian Eno/David Byrne "My Life in the Bush of Ghosts"
Reissue. So what. New packaging and extra tracks.
25. Eels "With Strings: Live at Town Hall"
E might have released an album that is actually too depressing.
26. The Fever "In the City of Sleep"
27. Built to Spill "You In Reverse"
28. Ben Harper "Both Sides of the Gun"
Anyone can enjoy this double album, even if you don't get high every other hour.
29. The Concretes "In Colour"
30. Cat Power "The Greatest"
31. Mudhoney "Under a Billion Suns"
32. I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness "Fear Is On Our Side"
33. Sean Watkins "Blidners On"
Some dude from Nickel Creek's third solo album is actually good.
34. Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins "Rabbit Fur Coat"
The soft singing is a turn off but there's something about this album that I initialy dismissed. Probably the twins. COORS LIGHT RULES!!!
35. The Vines "Vision Valley"
A few of the later tracks on the album are obviously influenced by late 60s psychadelic rock. These songs are good.
36. Goldfrapp "Supernature"
37. Secret Machines "Ten Silver Drops"
38. The Coup "Pick a Bigger Weapon"
39. Rainer Maria "Catastrophe Keeps Us Together"
40. The M's "Future Woman"
41. The Lawrence Arms "Oh! Calcutta!"
42. Massive Attack "Collected"
I've only listened to one of the two discs and haven't watched the 16 videos that comes in the package. Once I do this will probably rise in the list.
43. Loose Fur "Born Again in the USA"
I did not enjoy this one as much as the debut. I blame the lack of painkillers.
44. Mates of State "Bring It Back"
45. Two Gallants "What the Toll Tells"
46. Islands "Return to the Sea"
47. Elefant "The Black Magic Show"
48. The Minus 5 "The Minus Five"
49. Morningwood "Morningwood"
50. Bruce Springsteen "We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions"
Though I've never been a fan of Springsteen his voice really fits with these songs. The laid back atmosphere of random studio musicians doesn't hurt either.
51. Placebo "Meds"
Just as good as their last two albums. Just as decent. Yep.
52. The Metal Hearts "Socialize"
53. Hank Williams III "Straight to Hell"
54. Fiery Furnaces "Bitter Tea"
55. Audio Bullys "Generation"
56. MONO "You Are There"
57. Margot and the Nuclear So and Sos "The Dust of Retreat"
These guys have only been around since late 2004. Good for them?
58. Pretty Girls Make Graves "Élan Vital"
I'm fucking hip.
59. Young People "All At Once"
60. The Dresden Dolls "Yes, Virginia"
Maybe I'll understand all of it by the end of the year. I bet there's nothing to understand, it's on Roadrunner.
61. Morrissey "Ringleader of the Tormentors"
62. Revolting Cocks "Cocked and Loaded"
I'll always consider Al a Chicagoan because he did most of the hardcore drug use here.
63. Belle and Sebastian "The Life Pursuit"
64. Arab Strap "The Last Romance"
65. The Sounds "Dying to Say This To You"
TITTIES ON THE COVER!
66. Controller.Controller "X-Amounts"
67. Yeah Yeah Yeah's "Show Your Bones"
"Gold Lion" is a good song. The rest is shit. SHIT! GO BACK TO THE BLOW YOU OLD FUCKS!!!
68. Calexico "Garden Ruin"
Albums that will probably be on this list as soon as I hear them
Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegan "Ballad of the Broken Seas"
Pearl Jam "Pearl Jam"
Tool "10,000 Days"
Jesus and the Devil
Bold = Chicago based
Since I'm working for a summer music festival, college radio station and Music with Meaning 7, I listen to a lot of new music. I've probably reviewed 500 albums since January. I'm lucky to be able to hear so much music for free. I know that none of this matters. Music reviews are subjective so all they really need to say is "Good" or "Bad". I know this but continue to write about albums. Whatever. My album is the best album ever created.
TOP 68 ALBUMS OF 2006 AS OF TODAY, HOORAY, FUCK THE KKK!!!
1. Gnarls Barkley "St. Elsewhere"
"Crazy" is the best single of the year and "Just a Thought" is the best song of the year with the best lyric of the year, "It's not just good/it's great depression".
2. Mark Pickerel "Snake in the Radio"
Mr. Pickerel played drums in the Screaming Trees. Now he's fronting an alt-country band. It's great. Bloodshot's best release since Neko Case's "Blacklisted".
3. Sally "The Picardy Third EP"
Grrrtars. (Comment based on the work of the Charlie)
4. Neko Cash "Fox Confessor Brings the Flood"
No pro-tools, no Bloodshot and no remixes from The Neptunes.
5. MC Lars "The Graduate"
Critics hated this album. I liked every song on it. I know it's juvenile but I listen to every song without skipping, so it's good.
6. NOFX "Never Trust a Hippy"
"You're wrong for not hating Ann Coulter/cause she's a cunted cunt"
7. The Submarines "Declare A New State"
This album doesn't come out til June so don't try to steal it yet. I've never heard of the band and I'm pretty sure this is their debut. It's the album Mates of States would've made if they broke up.
8. Eagles of Death Metal "Death By Sexy"
This music should produce many children out of wedlock.
9. The Deadstring Brothers "Starving Winter Report"
I want to see them perform.
10. Magneto "Sounds Like Space"
Veruca Salt if they never dated Dave Grohl.
11. Quasi "When the Going Gets Dark"
If I was really hip I'd make this my number one pick.
12. The Strokes "First Impressions of Earth"
I hated the first Strokes album. I didn't like the second Strokes album. I like the Strokes third album.
13. Drive-By Truckers "A Blessing and a Curse"
I wish the Drive-By Truckers were the house band at the Horseshoe.
14. Sondre Lerche With the Faces Down Quartet "Duper Sessions"
15. Beth Orton "Comfort of Strangers"
16. The Sword "Age of Winters"
Metal. Metal.
17. NOFX "Wolves in Wolves Clothing"
18. Bonnie "Prince" Billy/Tortoise "The Brave and the Bold"
I listened to their version of Elton John's "Daniel" on repeat while wandering around Manhattan in March.
19. The Flaming Lips "At War with the Mystics"
20. charliedeets "The Lost Larrikin Long Play"
No grrtars.
21. Electric Six "Senor Smoke"
22. The Streets "The Hardest Way to Make an Easy Living"
The hip-hop version of Arctic Monkeys.
23. Arctic Monkeys "Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I Am Not"
The rock version of The Streets.
24. Brian Eno/David Byrne "My Life in the Bush of Ghosts"
Reissue. So what. New packaging and extra tracks.
25. Eels "With Strings: Live at Town Hall"
E might have released an album that is actually too depressing.
26. The Fever "In the City of Sleep"
27. Built to Spill "You In Reverse"
28. Ben Harper "Both Sides of the Gun"
Anyone can enjoy this double album, even if you don't get high every other hour.
29. The Concretes "In Colour"
30. Cat Power "The Greatest"
31. Mudhoney "Under a Billion Suns"
32. I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness "Fear Is On Our Side"
33. Sean Watkins "Blidners On"
Some dude from Nickel Creek's third solo album is actually good.
34. Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins "Rabbit Fur Coat"
The soft singing is a turn off but there's something about this album that I initialy dismissed. Probably the twins. COORS LIGHT RULES!!!
35. The Vines "Vision Valley"
A few of the later tracks on the album are obviously influenced by late 60s psychadelic rock. These songs are good.
36. Goldfrapp "Supernature"
37. Secret Machines "Ten Silver Drops"
38. The Coup "Pick a Bigger Weapon"
39. Rainer Maria "Catastrophe Keeps Us Together"
40. The M's "Future Woman"
41. The Lawrence Arms "Oh! Calcutta!"
42. Massive Attack "Collected"
I've only listened to one of the two discs and haven't watched the 16 videos that comes in the package. Once I do this will probably rise in the list.
43. Loose Fur "Born Again in the USA"
I did not enjoy this one as much as the debut. I blame the lack of painkillers.
44. Mates of State "Bring It Back"
45. Two Gallants "What the Toll Tells"
46. Islands "Return to the Sea"
47. Elefant "The Black Magic Show"
48. The Minus 5 "The Minus Five"
49. Morningwood "Morningwood"
50. Bruce Springsteen "We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions"
Though I've never been a fan of Springsteen his voice really fits with these songs. The laid back atmosphere of random studio musicians doesn't hurt either.
51. Placebo "Meds"
Just as good as their last two albums. Just as decent. Yep.
52. The Metal Hearts "Socialize"
53. Hank Williams III "Straight to Hell"
54. Fiery Furnaces "Bitter Tea"
55. Audio Bullys "Generation"
56. MONO "You Are There"
57. Margot and the Nuclear So and Sos "The Dust of Retreat"
These guys have only been around since late 2004. Good for them?
58. Pretty Girls Make Graves "Élan Vital"
I'm fucking hip.
59. Young People "All At Once"
60. The Dresden Dolls "Yes, Virginia"
Maybe I'll understand all of it by the end of the year. I bet there's nothing to understand, it's on Roadrunner.
61. Morrissey "Ringleader of the Tormentors"
62. Revolting Cocks "Cocked and Loaded"
I'll always consider Al a Chicagoan because he did most of the hardcore drug use here.
63. Belle and Sebastian "The Life Pursuit"
64. Arab Strap "The Last Romance"
65. The Sounds "Dying to Say This To You"
TITTIES ON THE COVER!
66. Controller.Controller "X-Amounts"
67. Yeah Yeah Yeah's "Show Your Bones"
"Gold Lion" is a good song. The rest is shit. SHIT! GO BACK TO THE BLOW YOU OLD FUCKS!!!
68. Calexico "Garden Ruin"
Albums that will probably be on this list as soon as I hear them
Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegan "Ballad of the Broken Seas"
Pearl Jam "Pearl Jam"
Tool "10,000 Days"
Jesus and the Devil
Bold = Chicago based
Since I'm working for a summer music festival, college radio station and Music with Meaning 7, I listen to a lot of new music. I've probably reviewed 500 albums since January. I'm lucky to be able to hear so much music for free. I know that none of this matters. Music reviews are subjective so all they really need to say is "Good" or "Bad". I know this but continue to write about albums. Whatever. My album is the best album ever created.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Defending Pearl Jam for no specific reason
Every band that’s forming should study Pearl Jam. After more than fifteen years of existence the band is as good as they’ve ever been. Rather than rest on their laurels and continue to pursue a sound that made them famous, they’ve grown musically and lyrically. Mr. Vedder picked up guitar, they’ve released one video since “Ten” (the Todd McFarlane animated “Do The Evolution”), Matt Cameron from Soundgarden is the current drummer and back-up vocalist (and a fine one at that), toured consistently since their fight against TicketMaster, released quality sounding live recordings and every member has a hand in the songwriting process. Put simply, Pearl Jam is the current generation’s Neil Young. To hell with the backlash that comes with liking every/any mainstream band. Pearl Jam is the best (consistently good, not necessarily the most influential) American rock band of the last 20-years, if not the history of rock and roll.
For those of you who instantly dismiss any mention of Pearl Jam, please keep in mind that Mr. Vedder played on Cat Power’s “You Are Free”, Mike Watt’s “Ballhog or Tugboat?”, Bad Religion’s “Recipe for Hate” and with the Supersuckers. In other words, he’s probably recorded with someone you don’t consider corporate or a sell-out or some other phrase that’s used too much to dismiss artists.
---
17. Mike Royko “Sez Who? Sez Me”
16. Saul Bellow “The Actual”
I want Mike Royko’s old job.
I hope to one day have the ability to write like Saul Bellow.
Chicago is the greatest city of all-time because it spawned Mike Royko and Saul Bellow. Eddie Vedder grew up in Evanston and that city (?) has an el line so it counts too.
For those of you who instantly dismiss any mention of Pearl Jam, please keep in mind that Mr. Vedder played on Cat Power’s “You Are Free”, Mike Watt’s “Ballhog or Tugboat?”, Bad Religion’s “Recipe for Hate” and with the Supersuckers. In other words, he’s probably recorded with someone you don’t consider corporate or a sell-out or some other phrase that’s used too much to dismiss artists.
---
17. Mike Royko “Sez Who? Sez Me”
16. Saul Bellow “The Actual”
I want Mike Royko’s old job.
I hope to one day have the ability to write like Saul Bellow.
Chicago is the greatest city of all-time because it spawned Mike Royko and Saul Bellow. Eddie Vedder grew up in Evanston and that city (?) has an el line so it counts too.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Forgot words
I read another book after 15 but I can't remember what it was. I am now angry with myself.
15. J.T. Leroy (Editor) "Da Capo Best Music Writing 2005: The Year's Finest Writing on Rock, Hip-hop, Jazz, Pop, Country & More"
14. Jeffery Brown "AEIOU: Any Easy Intimacy"
I'm counting 14 even though it's a graphic novel because I want to reach 50. I'll take out graphic novels and novellas if I can still reach 50.
It's a fucking blog, what did you expect?
15. J.T. Leroy (Editor) "Da Capo Best Music Writing 2005: The Year's Finest Writing on Rock, Hip-hop, Jazz, Pop, Country & More"
14. Jeffery Brown "AEIOU: Any Easy Intimacy"
I'm counting 14 even though it's a graphic novel because I want to reach 50. I'll take out graphic novels and novellas if I can still reach 50.
It's a fucking blog, what did you expect?
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Neko Case
The best part about podcasts are being able to hear stories I would have otherwise missed. One is about Neko Case's new album.
NPR was smart enough to interview the musician about her new album "Fox Confessor Brings the Flood". In the piece she explains the recording and the song writing process about the song "John the Baptist". I now respect her more than I did before.
Ms. Case performed at the Vic Theater last Friday night. She was very, very good.
I am not a musician. Neko Case is a musician. That is fine. I am 1/4 of the official band of the revolution.
Try to figure that shit out.
NPR was smart enough to interview the musician about her new album "Fox Confessor Brings the Flood". In the piece she explains the recording and the song writing process about the song "John the Baptist". I now respect her more than I did before.
Ms. Case performed at the Vic Theater last Friday night. She was very, very good.
I am not a musician. Neko Case is a musician. That is fine. I am 1/4 of the official band of the revolution.
Try to figure that shit out.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
June will be busy
As of now The Machine has Music with Meaning 7 events planned at: Liar's Club, Mojoe's, Skylark, Cal's, Double Door, Martyrs, Abbey Pub, Delilahs, Hungry Brain, California Clipper, Lincoln Square Lanes, Collonade Room, Darkroom, Quimby's, Empty Bottle, Schubas, Betty's Blue Star Lounge and DePaul.
There will be stuff to do.
There will be stuff to do.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
This city, I've said all I've needed to say about this city
I'm not DJing. The bar is doing a photo shoot and then refinishing the floors or something. So I'm back in Queens and watching the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. Blondie is currently being honored. I think Blondie was a great (note past tense) band and I think Debbie Harry was a great frontwoman. But sex can't sell forever.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Travel
I am in New York. It took more than six hours to get to where I'm at in Queens. That time was spent reading. I was able to finish a few books. Here they are.
13. David Sedaris "Barrel Fever"
12. Saul Bellow "A Theft"
11. Chuck Klosterman "Fargo Rock City"
Music with Meaning 7 is looking alright. Over a third of the dates have venues and it looks like we'll be able to have most of our favorite acts play. Blah blah blah.
Maybe this city won't suck.
13. David Sedaris "Barrel Fever"
12. Saul Bellow "A Theft"
11. Chuck Klosterman "Fargo Rock City"
Music with Meaning 7 is looking alright. Over a third of the dates have venues and it looks like we'll be able to have most of our favorite acts play. Blah blah blah.
Maybe this city won't suck.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Pearl Jam/Loose Fur
The song "Apostolic" on the new Loose Fur album "Born Again in the USA" sounds like a "weird" song on the 1994 Peal Jam release "Vitalogy".
Monday, March 20, 2006
313
I have a newfound respect for Eminem, Jack White and Kid Rock. They may be millionaires but they still haven't left Detroit. I respect that. I got the fuck out after five days.
I'm reviewing new albums from Built to Spill, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, MC Lars and many more. If you know me, you know what this means.
Fetor's "A Campaign of Suffering" may already have an album cover. I'll know in a few days. I think I need to look at it completely awake, sober, drunk, hungover, happy and angry to find out if I really like it.
I hate religion more than ever. Unless I'm your god.
I'm reviewing new albums from Built to Spill, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, MC Lars and many more. If you know me, you know what this means.
Fetor's "A Campaign of Suffering" may already have an album cover. I'll know in a few days. I think I need to look at it completely awake, sober, drunk, hungover, happy and angry to find out if I really like it.
I hate religion more than ever. Unless I'm your god.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Thursday, March 09, 2006
In Sheffield
Richard Hawley released an album in September called "Coles Corner." I'm kicking myself for not listening to it when it came out. It's a great album full of rock and roll songs that are comfortable being pop songs. Nothing is out of place or emphasized. Hawley is a confident song-writer that seems to know his songs perfectly. The point is, try to find this record. It makes me happy to work in music.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Dear Crystal Lake,
Fuck you. Don't be afraid of the Gay Games.
I am not gay but I really want to have sex with as many men as possible in the middle of your town.
Fuck you. There is no god.
-B.W.
I am not gay but I really want to have sex with as many men as possible in the middle of your town.
Fuck you. There is no god.
-B.W.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Very young (it's from a song, very few of you will know the correlation between this song and post)
Since I'll probably only DJ once this month I decided to keep track of what I played. The following is what Eric Lab Rat and I spun last Tuesday at Liar's Club. If there are spelling errors, please forgive us. We were typing with only one hand while continually drinking.
Pelican "March to the Sea" from "The Fire In Our Throats Will Beckon the Thaw"
Sally "Abundant Sunshine" from "The Picardy Third EP"
Then the computer froze.
Before the computer stopped working we played songs from: Head of Femur, The Fiery Furnaces, Wesley Willis/Kanye West/Curtis Mayfield (mashup), Common, Volta Do Mar, Bonnie "Prince" Billy and Tortoise, The Like Young, Jesus and the Devil, 1000 Homo DJs, Ministry, Liz Phair, Small Change, Scotland Yard Gospel Choir, Canasta, The Reptoids, New Black, Buddy Guy, Bo Diddley/Muddy Waters/Little Walter, Proswell, Typical Cats, Dove Rock, The Molemen, Pailhead, Groovy Ghoulies, Articles Of Faith, Lovely Little Girls, Bobby Conn, The Bhopal Stiffs, Felix da Housecat, Caural, I Attack, Howlin' Wolf, Rapeman and other artists we forgot.
From 11:49 on, here is what Eric and I played
Curtis Mayfield "(Don't Worry) If there's a Hell Below, We're All Going to Go" from "Curtis"
[i don't like song titles. or capitalization. --eric]
mwc - certain fate
twista - ???
My Life with The Thrill Kill Kult "Sex on Wheels"
Los Crudos - ???
Secret Agent Bill - Outside
Articles Of Faith "Buy This War" from "Complete Discograph Vol. 2: 1983-1985"
The Tossers "Goodmornin' Da" from "The Valley of the Shadow of Death"
Tub Ring "Faster" from "Drake Equation" - some guy comes to the DJ booth and waves a finger at me screaming, "Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes!"
Oh My God "Get Steady" from "Interrogations and Confessions"
M.O.T.O. track 3 from "Raw Power"
Velcro Lewis and His 100 Proof Band "Rockin' and Drinkin' (Tonight)" from "...Ruin Everything"
Twin Wrecks the Memory "Alcohol and Rock N' Roll" from "Royal Drug Lodge (Trouble for the Rest of Us)"
Evil Beaver "Our Garden" from "Lick It!"
Tight Phantomz "DUI in St. Charles" from "Crazy When Wet"
Cheap Trick "He's A Whore" from "Cheap Trick"
The Shadows of Knight "Bad Little Woman" from Back Door Man"
The Dells "Our Love" from "Anthology"
Qwel - ???
Junior Wells "Baby, What You Want Me To Do?" from "The Blues Collection"
Radiant Darling "Familiar"
The Coughs - ???
Milemarker- Idle Hands
Big Black - the Model
All Natural - ???
Kungfu Rick - ???
The Afflictions "God Wants You to Have a Good Time" from "Janet Style"
Neko Case and Her Boyfriends "Honky Tonk Hiccups" from "The Virginian"
Twang Bang - I Feel Weird
Outlaw Family Bad "Ravenswood Getaway, Pt. 1" from "Outlaw Family Band"
The Orphan Punks - ???
The Cryan Shames "Greenburg, Glickenstein, Charles, David Smith & Jones" from "Synthesis"
The Smashing Pumpkins - some live bootleg from 1988
Sam Cooke "Having a Party" from "Live at the Harlem Square Club"
Marvelkind "Central City" from "Conquering the Universe Chorus Verse"
Local H "Cooler Heads" from "The No Fun E.P."
Shellac "Dog and Pony Show" from "At Action Park"
Poster Children "Clampdown" from "On The Offensive"
Screeching Weasel "I Was a High School Psychopath" from "Wiggle"
Smoking Popes "The Party's Over" from "The Party's Over"
The Bomb "Up from the Floor" from "Indecision"
Caviar "The Good Times Are Over" from "Caviar"
Pelican "March to the Sea" from "The Fire In Our Throats Will Beckon the Thaw"
Sally "Abundant Sunshine" from "The Picardy Third EP"
Then the computer froze.
Before the computer stopped working we played songs from: Head of Femur, The Fiery Furnaces, Wesley Willis/Kanye West/Curtis Mayfield (mashup), Common, Volta Do Mar, Bonnie "Prince" Billy and Tortoise, The Like Young, Jesus and the Devil, 1000 Homo DJs, Ministry, Liz Phair, Small Change, Scotland Yard Gospel Choir, Canasta, The Reptoids, New Black, Buddy Guy, Bo Diddley/Muddy Waters/Little Walter, Proswell, Typical Cats, Dove Rock, The Molemen, Pailhead, Groovy Ghoulies, Articles Of Faith, Lovely Little Girls, Bobby Conn, The Bhopal Stiffs, Felix da Housecat, Caural, I Attack, Howlin' Wolf, Rapeman and other artists we forgot.
From 11:49 on, here is what Eric and I played
Curtis Mayfield "(Don't Worry) If there's a Hell Below, We're All Going to Go" from "Curtis"
[i don't like song titles. or capitalization. --eric]
mwc - certain fate
twista - ???
My Life with The Thrill Kill Kult "Sex on Wheels"
Los Crudos - ???
Secret Agent Bill - Outside
Articles Of Faith "Buy This War" from "Complete Discograph Vol. 2: 1983-1985"
The Tossers "Goodmornin' Da" from "The Valley of the Shadow of Death"
Tub Ring "Faster" from "Drake Equation" - some guy comes to the DJ booth and waves a finger at me screaming, "Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes!"
Oh My God "Get Steady" from "Interrogations and Confessions"
M.O.T.O. track 3 from "Raw Power"
Velcro Lewis and His 100 Proof Band "Rockin' and Drinkin' (Tonight)" from "...Ruin Everything"
Twin Wrecks the Memory "Alcohol and Rock N' Roll" from "Royal Drug Lodge (Trouble for the Rest of Us)"
Evil Beaver "Our Garden" from "Lick It!"
Tight Phantomz "DUI in St. Charles" from "Crazy When Wet"
Cheap Trick "He's A Whore" from "Cheap Trick"
The Shadows of Knight "Bad Little Woman" from Back Door Man"
The Dells "Our Love" from "Anthology"
Qwel - ???
Junior Wells "Baby, What You Want Me To Do?" from "The Blues Collection"
Radiant Darling "Familiar"
The Coughs - ???
Milemarker- Idle Hands
Big Black - the Model
All Natural - ???
Kungfu Rick - ???
The Afflictions "God Wants You to Have a Good Time" from "Janet Style"
Neko Case and Her Boyfriends "Honky Tonk Hiccups" from "The Virginian"
Twang Bang - I Feel Weird
Outlaw Family Bad "Ravenswood Getaway, Pt. 1" from "Outlaw Family Band"
The Orphan Punks - ???
The Cryan Shames "Greenburg, Glickenstein, Charles, David Smith & Jones" from "Synthesis"
The Smashing Pumpkins - some live bootleg from 1988
Sam Cooke "Having a Party" from "Live at the Harlem Square Club"
Marvelkind "Central City" from "Conquering the Universe Chorus Verse"
Local H "Cooler Heads" from "The No Fun E.P."
Shellac "Dog and Pony Show" from "At Action Park"
Poster Children "Clampdown" from "On The Offensive"
Screeching Weasel "I Was a High School Psychopath" from "Wiggle"
Smoking Popes "The Party's Over" from "The Party's Over"
The Bomb "Up from the Floor" from "Indecision"
Caviar "The Good Times Are Over" from "Caviar"
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Oscar related
9. June Carter Cash "From the Heart"
This barely qualifies as a book. If a musician ever needed a ghost writer it would be June Carter Cash. Regardless, it's hard not to like at least some aspect of this woman after breezing through 200 pages of antidotes, photos and a strong faith in God.
This barely qualifies as a book. If a musician ever needed a ghost writer it would be June Carter Cash. Regardless, it's hard not to like at least some aspect of this woman after breezing through 200 pages of antidotes, photos and a strong faith in God.
Friday, March 03, 2006
For all intensive purposes
The Machine Media has a new Web site. Yes, Web site is supposed to be spelled with a capital W and it is two words. I think it looks like shit. The A.P. does not think it looks like shit.
I have not slept.
I have not slept.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Antichrist
8. "Rotten" by John Lydon
Because of this autobiography from the early 90s I now appreciate the Sex Pistols. I still prefer Iggy and the Stooges.
Because of this autobiography from the early 90s I now appreciate the Sex Pistols. I still prefer Iggy and the Stooges.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
I prefer John Lydon the author to Johnny Rotten the front man
I’m in my office at the radio station waiting for my job interview call to come in. I’m sandwiched between my suitcase and a red bucket for kegs. There is nothing I can do that doesn’t make me anxious. I do not know why this is.
For the past month or so I’ve cut of friends. This hasn’t been intentional…I’ll be back.
---
I think it went well. If I get the job I’ll barely be in Chicago. Maybe I need to do this.
I just want to listen to…
Jack White “Never Far Away”
NOFX “You’re Wrong”
Iggy Pop “Tiny Girls”
The Strokes “Ask Me Anything”
Charlie Deets “My Tranquility Has Been Confiscayted”
The list should be longer. I’m not including anything too mainstream or boring out of fear. If everyone can understand it then it’s no good. I’ll never be hip. I’LL NEVER BE HIP. I won’t be able to do as many lines as you’d like me to. I can’t live with that.
I should have stayed with the same girl I was with at 18. Then I could read my books in peace.
For the past month or so I’ve cut of friends. This hasn’t been intentional…I’ll be back.
---
I think it went well. If I get the job I’ll barely be in Chicago. Maybe I need to do this.
I just want to listen to…
Jack White “Never Far Away”
NOFX “You’re Wrong”
Iggy Pop “Tiny Girls”
The Strokes “Ask Me Anything”
Charlie Deets “My Tranquility Has Been Confiscayted”
The list should be longer. I’m not including anything too mainstream or boring out of fear. If everyone can understand it then it’s no good. I’ll never be hip. I’LL NEVER BE HIP. I won’t be able to do as many lines as you’d like me to. I can’t live with that.
I should have stayed with the same girl I was with at 18. Then I could read my books in peace.
Monday, February 20, 2006
I'm glad you're alive
After more than a year and a half of no communication, I found my ex-girlfriend on myspace.
Melina moved to Greece in 2000. I saw her in 2003. I talked to her on the phone in the spring of 2004.
She's fine. Been with the same guy for almost three years. Lives with her grandmother. Still in college. Out of work but had a job for a while.
I used to worry about Melina. I'm not sure why but I felt like a big brother. She's fine. I'm the one that's stuck out here.
WHINE WHINE WHINE!!!
Things could be much worse. At least "Cry-Baby" is on.
I used to want to direct films. I still do. But it seems like a chore to watch a new film on television or DVD. It's too hard to escape my surroundings when starting something new, specifically if I know something about the film.
Oak Park won't be home for much longer and I'm grateful for that. If I get the union organiser position I should be living in Chicago by April. If I don't get the job and I'm still with my mother and not dead, we'll probably be in some other suburb. This is fine by me. It's good that Oak Park is close to everything but I can't stand living in the same room where I first had sex.
After stopping at the camera shop I took a new way back to the apartment. It looked like the photo. Except colder. Everything has that frozen look.
I almost forgot...
7. "Ordinary People" by Judith Guest
It's an American classic by most critic's standards. I do not agree. I'll try to sum it all up: mom is a cunt that needs to hug her child, father is a well-meaning guy that never really had a family so he doesn't want to disappoint the only one he's ever known and the kid is an uptight perfectionist that likes to blame himself over his brother's death. I didn't care about any of the characters and wished they would stop complaining and happily spend their North shore money. Maybe I would have liked the son more if he had decent music taste.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Part 4
Top 10 Music Related Couples and Former Couples I Want To See With A Kid
1. Joel Madden and Hillary Duff
2. Fez and Lindsey Lohan
3. Fez and Mandy Moore
4. Fez and Ashley Simpson
5. Ryan Carababababa and Ashley Simpson
6. Deryck Whibley and Avril Lavigne
7. Deryck Whibley and Paris Hilton
Remember when the two were dating and she appeared in the Me First Gimme Gimme's video for "I Believe I Can Fly"? That was weird. Not as weird as the batshit
crazy guy that wrote "I Believe I Can Fly." That guy fucks kids.
8. Nick Carter and Paris Hilton
Whenever I hear "I beat that bitch with a hit" by Miss Kittin I think of these two.
9. Madonna and Vanilla Ice
Madonna is a fucking stuck up bitch. Why? She’s now religious. She wasn’t religious when she let Vanilla Ice put it in. If you’d like to see Vanilla Ice put it in Madge, check out her book “Sex.” Then tell your gay friends you hate Madonna.
10. Jack White and Meg White
This kid would write great blues songs but won't be able to speak more than thirty words in a day. We'll call him the new Jandek.
Top 10 Bands I Want To See Explode In A Bus Accident and Why
I realize that it's probably insensitive to print this list considering that the drummer from Bayside just died in a car or van or bus accident while on tour. But the band sucked. Fuck that dead drummer. He was 30 anyway. Why the fuck did he make music that sounded like a group of 14-year olds from an affluent suburb?
1. Avenge Sevenfold
untalented assholes
2. The Darkness
cocky assholes
3. Good Charlotte
obvious reasons
4. Yellowcard
fuck that fiddler
5. The Explosion
irony
6. Death Cab For Cutie
irony
7. P.O.D.
God ain't saving anybody
8. Korn
they've had their fun and now they need to die
9. Pussycat Dolls
strip, don't "sing"
10. Bayside
time to finish the job
1. Joel Madden and Hillary Duff
2. Fez and Lindsey Lohan
3. Fez and Mandy Moore
4. Fez and Ashley Simpson
5. Ryan Carababababa and Ashley Simpson
6. Deryck Whibley and Avril Lavigne
7. Deryck Whibley and Paris Hilton
Remember when the two were dating and she appeared in the Me First Gimme Gimme's video for "I Believe I Can Fly"? That was weird. Not as weird as the batshit
crazy guy that wrote "I Believe I Can Fly." That guy fucks kids.
8. Nick Carter and Paris Hilton
Whenever I hear "I beat that bitch with a hit" by Miss Kittin I think of these two.
9. Madonna and Vanilla Ice
Madonna is a fucking stuck up bitch. Why? She’s now religious. She wasn’t religious when she let Vanilla Ice put it in. If you’d like to see Vanilla Ice put it in Madge, check out her book “Sex.” Then tell your gay friends you hate Madonna.
10. Jack White and Meg White
This kid would write great blues songs but won't be able to speak more than thirty words in a day. We'll call him the new Jandek.
Top 10 Bands I Want To See Explode In A Bus Accident and Why
I realize that it's probably insensitive to print this list considering that the drummer from Bayside just died in a car or van or bus accident while on tour. But the band sucked. Fuck that dead drummer. He was 30 anyway. Why the fuck did he make music that sounded like a group of 14-year olds from an affluent suburb?
1. Avenge Sevenfold
untalented assholes
2. The Darkness
cocky assholes
3. Good Charlotte
obvious reasons
4. Yellowcard
fuck that fiddler
5. The Explosion
irony
6. Death Cab For Cutie
irony
7. P.O.D.
God ain't saving anybody
8. Korn
they've had their fun and now they need to die
9. Pussycat Dolls
strip, don't "sing"
10. Bayside
time to finish the job
Saturday, February 18, 2006
I am not the DJ, I am not what I play
Just because one thing goes wrong should not turn my night into a downward spiral. I've had over five hours to figure out something to do. Anything to do. But I am doing nothing. I'm fucking around with a toy guitar. I'm trying to get cameras to work again. I'm getting depressed about being in the same room I lived in for two years of high school.
My mother is making a cake or something. There is nothing inherently wrong with her baking on a Saturday night. There is something wrong because I am here, doing nothing while she makes a cake.
I've spent the majority of my day editing my iTunes account. The program is addicting.
Rather than read any of the six books I've already started I decided to start another book. "Rotten" by John Lydon is a good read thus far. Much better than the John McCain autobiography that I am also reading. For some reason I'm more interested in British punks than war heroes. (I decided I will not use spell check on this post. I'm not sure if I've spelled anything incorrectly but I probably have, so now you know why.)
Maybe I can find somewhere to get coffee. For those of you that don't know, not all of cook county is smoke free, at least not yet. If I think of a diner open within 4 blocks from here I'm going. If not, fuck it. I'll watch "The Munsters" or something.
Daniel Knox posted some new recordings on myspace. Though my connection is less than decent I was able to download one. It was very good and I suggest you spend twenty minutes of your next week giving the guy a shot. If you've already tried to like him but can't, well, we're just different people.
...
Head of Femur just came on my playlist. They played Intonation last summer. They stayed at the grounds longer than any other band. The lead singer was with his girlfriend the entire time. I know his girlfriend from DePaul. We've had over 20 conversations in the last four and a half years. I have no idea what her name is. This will bother me until I sleep.
---
Times like this I wish I had a cell phone.
My mother is making a cake or something. There is nothing inherently wrong with her baking on a Saturday night. There is something wrong because I am here, doing nothing while she makes a cake.
I've spent the majority of my day editing my iTunes account. The program is addicting.
Rather than read any of the six books I've already started I decided to start another book. "Rotten" by John Lydon is a good read thus far. Much better than the John McCain autobiography that I am also reading. For some reason I'm more interested in British punks than war heroes. (I decided I will not use spell check on this post. I'm not sure if I've spelled anything incorrectly but I probably have, so now you know why.)
Maybe I can find somewhere to get coffee. For those of you that don't know, not all of cook county is smoke free, at least not yet. If I think of a diner open within 4 blocks from here I'm going. If not, fuck it. I'll watch "The Munsters" or something.
Daniel Knox posted some new recordings on myspace. Though my connection is less than decent I was able to download one. It was very good and I suggest you spend twenty minutes of your next week giving the guy a shot. If you've already tried to like him but can't, well, we're just different people.
...
Head of Femur just came on my playlist. They played Intonation last summer. They stayed at the grounds longer than any other band. The lead singer was with his girlfriend the entire time. I know his girlfriend from DePaul. We've had over 20 conversations in the last four and a half years. I have no idea what her name is. This will bother me until I sleep.
---
Times like this I wish I had a cell phone.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Part 3
Top 10 Nirvana Songs
1. "Serve the Servants" from "In Utero"
When I really got into this song I quit football. When Kurt Cobain really got into this song he killed himself. When Gavin Rossdale really got into this song he hired Steve Albini to produce "Razorblade Suitcase" and proceeded to disappear from music but become a famous husband. I still have a bigger rack than his wife.
2. "You Know You're Right" from "Nirvana"
This song was leaked in the fall of 2002. I put a link to it on my band's web page. I listened to it on repeat for hours at a time. That's a little odd.
3. "Polly" from "Nevermind"
This song appeas on four of the bands albums. If you count the box set, it's on more. Good for them. Revisiting a song about rape and torture has to be good for the soul.
4. "Verse Chorus Verse"
5. "Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle" from "In Utero"
One of my favorite songs and titles, but not my number one. That goes to "I Hate Myself And Want To Die." His suicide was such a shock. There were absolutely no clues.
6. "Do Re Mi"
The best reason to pick up the bands box set. Falsetto fun!
7. "D7"
8. "School"
On the "From the Muddy Banks of the Wishkah" version it sounds like he sings "You're in med school again!" instead of "You're in high school again!" Did Kurt aspire to be a doctor? Probably not. Did he aspire to blow his head off with a shotgun? Hell yea!
9. "Love Buzz"
10. "Drain You"
1. "Serve the Servants" from "In Utero"
When I really got into this song I quit football. When Kurt Cobain really got into this song he killed himself. When Gavin Rossdale really got into this song he hired Steve Albini to produce "Razorblade Suitcase" and proceeded to disappear from music but become a famous husband. I still have a bigger rack than his wife.
2. "You Know You're Right" from "Nirvana"
This song was leaked in the fall of 2002. I put a link to it on my band's web page. I listened to it on repeat for hours at a time. That's a little odd.
3. "Polly" from "Nevermind"
This song appeas on four of the bands albums. If you count the box set, it's on more. Good for them. Revisiting a song about rape and torture has to be good for the soul.
4. "Verse Chorus Verse"
5. "Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle" from "In Utero"
One of my favorite songs and titles, but not my number one. That goes to "I Hate Myself And Want To Die." His suicide was such a shock. There were absolutely no clues.
6. "Do Re Mi"
The best reason to pick up the bands box set. Falsetto fun!
7. "D7"
8. "School"
On the "From the Muddy Banks of the Wishkah" version it sounds like he sings "You're in med school again!" instead of "You're in high school again!" Did Kurt aspire to be a doctor? Probably not. Did he aspire to blow his head off with a shotgun? Hell yea!
9. "Love Buzz"
10. "Drain You"
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Part 2
Top 10 Videos of 2005
1. Jack Johnson "Sitting Wishing Waiting"
The more I listen to this extremely relaxed (high) singer/songwriter, the more I like him. I make no apologies. He makes me smile.
2. The White Stripes "The Denial Twist"
Conan is in this video! He is big and small and square and round! KRAZY!
3. Beck "Girl"
4. Ok Go "A Million Ways"
They made it in their back yard. Good for them.
5. The White Stripes "My Doobell"
6. The Bravery "An Honest Mistake"
7. R. Kelly "Trapped in the Closet"
Fucking crazy. He's so fucking crazy. He fucks kids, sings as a midget and has a director's commentary on his urban opera. He fucks kids. I bet the kids are crazy too. Crazy. Bat shit crazy.
8. System of a Down "Mezmorize"
9. Interpol "Evil"
Puppets. Evil puppets? Get it? Whatever. Carlos D is on a lot of blow.
10. Eels "Going Fetal"
It's got a howling dog, a gravestone and a guy with a beard. It's sorta like heaven.
1. Jack Johnson "Sitting Wishing Waiting"
The more I listen to this extremely relaxed (high) singer/songwriter, the more I like him. I make no apologies. He makes me smile.
2. The White Stripes "The Denial Twist"
Conan is in this video! He is big and small and square and round! KRAZY!
3. Beck "Girl"
4. Ok Go "A Million Ways"
They made it in their back yard. Good for them.
5. The White Stripes "My Doobell"
6. The Bravery "An Honest Mistake"
7. R. Kelly "Trapped in the Closet"
Fucking crazy. He's so fucking crazy. He fucks kids, sings as a midget and has a director's commentary on his urban opera. He fucks kids. I bet the kids are crazy too. Crazy. Bat shit crazy.
8. System of a Down "Mezmorize"
9. Interpol "Evil"
Puppets. Evil puppets? Get it? Whatever. Carlos D is on a lot of blow.
10. Eels "Going Fetal"
It's got a howling dog, a gravestone and a guy with a beard. It's sorta like heaven.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
It has to be here
Issue 19 of Foul was going to consists of music lists. As time passes each list becomes outdated. Therefore, I am going to post most, if not all of that issue, here. So, here is my list of albums released in 2005 that are better than the Foo Fighters "In Your Honor."
Top 73 Albums of 2005 Better Than Foo Fighters "In Your Honor"
1. Sally "The Attrition E.P."
2. Sufjan Stevens "Illinois"
3. Kanye West "Late Registration"
4. Dangerdoom "The Mouse and the Mask"
5. Sage Francis "A Healthy Distrust"
6. Sleater-Kinney "The Woods"
7. The White Stripes "Get Behind Me Satan"
8. Against Me! "Searching for a Former Clarity"
9. Eels "Blinking Lights and Other Revelations"
10. M.I.A. "Arular"
11. Various Artists "Stubbs the Zombie Soundtrack"
12. M83 "Before the Dawn Heals Us"
13. HorrorPops "Bring It On!"
14. New Black "Time Attack"
15. Fionna Apple "Extraordinary Machine"
16. Common "Be"
17. System of a Down "Mezmerize" and "Hypnotize"
18. Jimmy Eat World "Stay On My Side Tonight"
19. The White Stripes "Walking With A Ghost"
20. Gogol Bordello "Gypsy Punks Underdog World Strike"
21. Moby "Hotel"
22. Spoon "Gimme Fiction"
23. Canasta "We Were Set Up"
24. Feist "Let It Die"
25. Andrew Bird "Andrew Bird and the Mysterious Production of Eggs"
26. Queens of the Stone Age "Lullabyes to Paralyze"
27. Flunk "Morning Star"
28. Chad VanGaalen "Infiniheart"
29. Nine Inch Nails "With_Teeth"
30. Coldplay "XY"
31. The Life and Times "Suburban Hymns"
32. Beck "Guero"
33. The Go! Team "Thunder, Lightning, Strike"
34. New Pornographers "Twin Cinema"
35. The Mars Volta "Frances the Mute"
36. Detroit Cobras "Baby"
37. Pelican "The Fire in Our Throats Will Beckon the Thaw"
38. Laura Veirs "Years of Meteors"
39. Annie "Anniemal"
40. Broadcast "Tender Buttons"
41. The Game "The Documentary"
42. Minus the Bear "Menos el Oso"
43. Franz Ferdinand "You Could Have It So Much Better"
44. Isobella "Surrogate Emotions of the Silverscreen"
45. Wilco "Kicking Television: Live In Chicago"
46. Alkaline Trio "Crimson"
47. Coheed and Cambria "LONG TITLE"
48. Stereophonics "Language, Violence, Sex, Other?"
49. High on Fire "Blessed Black Wings"
50. Pennywise "The Fuse"
51. Broken Social Scene "Broken Social Scene"
52. Rogue Wave "Descended Like Vultures"
53. Various Artists "This Bird Has Flown"
54. Low "The Great Destroyer"
55. Bettye LaVette "I've Got My Own Hell to Raise"
56. Blackalicious "The Craft"
57. Neil Diamond "12 Songs"
58. Morcheeba "The Antidote"
59. LCD Soundsystem "LCD Soundsystem"
60. Wolf Parade "Apologies to the Queen Mary"
61. Various Artists "For A Decade of Sin: 11 Years of Bloodshot Records"
62. Billy Corgan "The Future Embrace"
63. Ryan Adams "Cold Roses"
64. Hail Social "Hail Social"
65. Bright Eyes "I'm Wide Awake It's Morning"
66. ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead "Worlds Apart"
67. Sigur Ros "Takk"
68. The Decembrists "Picaresque"
69. Bloc Party "Silent Alarm"
70. Moon "Flightlogs"
71. Gorillaz "Demon Days"
72. Garbage "Bleed Like Me"
73. Harvey Danger "Little By Little"
Top 73 Albums of 2005 Better Than Foo Fighters "In Your Honor"
1. Sally "The Attrition E.P."
2. Sufjan Stevens "Illinois"
3. Kanye West "Late Registration"
4. Dangerdoom "The Mouse and the Mask"
5. Sage Francis "A Healthy Distrust"
6. Sleater-Kinney "The Woods"
7. The White Stripes "Get Behind Me Satan"
8. Against Me! "Searching for a Former Clarity"
9. Eels "Blinking Lights and Other Revelations"
10. M.I.A. "Arular"
11. Various Artists "Stubbs the Zombie Soundtrack"
12. M83 "Before the Dawn Heals Us"
13. HorrorPops "Bring It On!"
14. New Black "Time Attack"
15. Fionna Apple "Extraordinary Machine"
16. Common "Be"
17. System of a Down "Mezmerize" and "Hypnotize"
18. Jimmy Eat World "Stay On My Side Tonight"
19. The White Stripes "Walking With A Ghost"
20. Gogol Bordello "Gypsy Punks Underdog World Strike"
21. Moby "Hotel"
22. Spoon "Gimme Fiction"
23. Canasta "We Were Set Up"
24. Feist "Let It Die"
25. Andrew Bird "Andrew Bird and the Mysterious Production of Eggs"
26. Queens of the Stone Age "Lullabyes to Paralyze"
27. Flunk "Morning Star"
28. Chad VanGaalen "Infiniheart"
29. Nine Inch Nails "With_Teeth"
30. Coldplay "XY"
31. The Life and Times "Suburban Hymns"
32. Beck "Guero"
33. The Go! Team "Thunder, Lightning, Strike"
34. New Pornographers "Twin Cinema"
35. The Mars Volta "Frances the Mute"
36. Detroit Cobras "Baby"
37. Pelican "The Fire in Our Throats Will Beckon the Thaw"
38. Laura Veirs "Years of Meteors"
39. Annie "Anniemal"
40. Broadcast "Tender Buttons"
41. The Game "The Documentary"
42. Minus the Bear "Menos el Oso"
43. Franz Ferdinand "You Could Have It So Much Better"
44. Isobella "Surrogate Emotions of the Silverscreen"
45. Wilco "Kicking Television: Live In Chicago"
46. Alkaline Trio "Crimson"
47. Coheed and Cambria "LONG TITLE"
48. Stereophonics "Language, Violence, Sex, Other?"
49. High on Fire "Blessed Black Wings"
50. Pennywise "The Fuse"
51. Broken Social Scene "Broken Social Scene"
52. Rogue Wave "Descended Like Vultures"
53. Various Artists "This Bird Has Flown"
54. Low "The Great Destroyer"
55. Bettye LaVette "I've Got My Own Hell to Raise"
56. Blackalicious "The Craft"
57. Neil Diamond "12 Songs"
58. Morcheeba "The Antidote"
59. LCD Soundsystem "LCD Soundsystem"
60. Wolf Parade "Apologies to the Queen Mary"
61. Various Artists "For A Decade of Sin: 11 Years of Bloodshot Records"
62. Billy Corgan "The Future Embrace"
63. Ryan Adams "Cold Roses"
64. Hail Social "Hail Social"
65. Bright Eyes "I'm Wide Awake It's Morning"
66. ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead "Worlds Apart"
67. Sigur Ros "Takk"
68. The Decembrists "Picaresque"
69. Bloc Party "Silent Alarm"
70. Moon "Flightlogs"
71. Gorillaz "Demon Days"
72. Garbage "Bleed Like Me"
73. Harvey Danger "Little By Little"
Sunday, February 12, 2006
What a read!
When I die around the age of thirty I would like every obituary to mention heavy drug use. I don't care if I die from cancer, a car accident or drug use, I just want to make sure everyone thinks they're right when they think I died of drug use.
I was lucky enough to perform on Friday night's Around the Coyote self-publishers event. I disappointed myself. I didn't go in with high expectations, but going third out of thirteen gave me a lot of time to think about what I should have done. Oh well, can't live in the past. Then again, most zines are about the recent past written by people that shouldn't, therefore I am qualified to live in the past.
I read a piece about how I want to have sex with celebrities. My mother got a hold of it as I was leaving. She cried. It was bad. Since I don't think I'll ever put it in The Machine or Foul and I definitly won't try to sell it I might as well post the thing here.
"The Following Words Made My Mother Cry and Blew Any Chance I Had with Tina Fey"
by Brandon Wetherbee
Like most people in their twenties I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do for a career. I thought I wanted to be a writer. Put ideas down on paper and get paid for it. It sounded like a good idea. I don’t want to be a writer. In fact, I don’t really want to do anything. Pat O’Brien taught me this. The former host of “Access Hollywood” and current host of “The Insider” taught me a valuable lesson. Everyone wants to do nothing. Win the lottery and fuck celebrities. Just like Pat O’Brien, every non-retard just wants to do a lot of blow and “get crazy with you (you being a celebrity) and some hooker.”
Any human being that is worth anything does not want to work. People that get degrees in business just want to make enough money to be in a certain social standing, a social standing that will allow them to meet celebrities that they will have the opportunity to fuck.
No one really aspires to be a construction worker, police officer or soldier. I’m not saying that people that are construction workers, police officers or soldiers don’t like their work. I’m saying that those people do their work because it’s the opportunity that presented itself. Unless they’re unstable, no one would willingly want to shoot at brown people. How do I know this? Ask any blue collar worker if they would rather do their job or fuck someone that starred in a late-night Showtime movie and anyone would half a libido would choose to risk an STD over an honest days work.
Religious people also want to fuck celebrities. They become priests, nuns and other celibate figureheads because they don’t think they have a shot with celebrities on earth. But they do believe in heaven and it’s a good bet that their vision of heaven includes orgasms every 10-minutes with some famous saint or child actor.
Pat O’Brien and I have nothing against loving relationships. We’ve both had our share of long-term commitments to individuals we loved. But that kind of relationship has too many demands. Honesty, loyalty, openness. It’s all too much. Purely sexual relationships with starlets do not require much work. If you have enough cocaine and information that could destroy someone, you can fill their holes with your caulking gun for years to come.
Like Pat O’Brien, I’ve been drinking a lot. Unlike the guy with the moustache, I have yet to go on “Dr.Phil” to discuss my problem. I understand that it’s not really a problem, especially when compared to people killing others over a cartoon. I understand that I’m not a unique voice. At one point in time I attached myself to causes and hung out with people that read CrimeThink books. It was a good time but it wasn’t really me. I don’t care about migrant workers rights. I don’t care about voter fraud. I don’t care about most of the causes my friends and enemies protest about. I only care about getting drunk enough so whoever I happen to fuck looks like Lindsey Lohan, Rachel Weisz, Kelly Clarkson and/or Tina Fey.
When I begin my quest to infiltrate Hollywood I’ll be able to drink every night for free. No one in Hollywood pays for drinks. It’s the law. I might also have a chance of actually meeting something (I refer to the celebrities as things, not as people for a reason, don’t ruin the illusion) I’ve fantasized about.
I want to get Kelly Osbourne pregnant and force her into marriage. I would be married into the Osbourne’s and have a say in how Ozzy’s catalogue would be licensed.
I want to expose Lindsey Lohan as a cokehead. Maybe this admission will force her into eating again and she’ll regain her once decent breasts.
I want to have one-night stands with every rising female star in Hollywood. I want to make them realize how shallow their lives are and commit mass suicide. Why? It’ll make people in third world countries feel better about themselves. Maybe I do care about causes after all.
Please don’t ask what I’ll do once I no longer am able to have sex for celebrities. If you ask me this question you are dumb. I will do what every washed up hanger on and write tell-all books. I’ll guest star in Lifetime movies. I’ll tell young females from the Midwest that I’m a producer. In other words, I’ll always have sex with celebrities, I’m white, I’m the devil.
I’m a horrible, horrible human being. I know this. There is no but. There is absolutely no reason why anyone should even look at my in the eye. I’m fine with that. I’m white. I’m a male. I’m somewhat educated. No matter what you think of me, I still have a chance. Those with vaginas and non-Caucasian skin are screwed. They may want to fuck every celebrity featured on E!, but I’m the only one that has a shot. Unless you’re an African-American male. I know a lot of females that only fuck black guys because they hate daddy. I’m sure it’s no different for the famous.
I was lucky enough to perform on Friday night's Around the Coyote self-publishers event. I disappointed myself. I didn't go in with high expectations, but going third out of thirteen gave me a lot of time to think about what I should have done. Oh well, can't live in the past. Then again, most zines are about the recent past written by people that shouldn't, therefore I am qualified to live in the past.
I read a piece about how I want to have sex with celebrities. My mother got a hold of it as I was leaving. She cried. It was bad. Since I don't think I'll ever put it in The Machine or Foul and I definitly won't try to sell it I might as well post the thing here.
"The Following Words Made My Mother Cry and Blew Any Chance I Had with Tina Fey"
by Brandon Wetherbee
Like most people in their twenties I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do for a career. I thought I wanted to be a writer. Put ideas down on paper and get paid for it. It sounded like a good idea. I don’t want to be a writer. In fact, I don’t really want to do anything. Pat O’Brien taught me this. The former host of “Access Hollywood” and current host of “The Insider” taught me a valuable lesson. Everyone wants to do nothing. Win the lottery and fuck celebrities. Just like Pat O’Brien, every non-retard just wants to do a lot of blow and “get crazy with you (you being a celebrity) and some hooker.”
Any human being that is worth anything does not want to work. People that get degrees in business just want to make enough money to be in a certain social standing, a social standing that will allow them to meet celebrities that they will have the opportunity to fuck.
No one really aspires to be a construction worker, police officer or soldier. I’m not saying that people that are construction workers, police officers or soldiers don’t like their work. I’m saying that those people do their work because it’s the opportunity that presented itself. Unless they’re unstable, no one would willingly want to shoot at brown people. How do I know this? Ask any blue collar worker if they would rather do their job or fuck someone that starred in a late-night Showtime movie and anyone would half a libido would choose to risk an STD over an honest days work.
Religious people also want to fuck celebrities. They become priests, nuns and other celibate figureheads because they don’t think they have a shot with celebrities on earth. But they do believe in heaven and it’s a good bet that their vision of heaven includes orgasms every 10-minutes with some famous saint or child actor.
Pat O’Brien and I have nothing against loving relationships. We’ve both had our share of long-term commitments to individuals we loved. But that kind of relationship has too many demands. Honesty, loyalty, openness. It’s all too much. Purely sexual relationships with starlets do not require much work. If you have enough cocaine and information that could destroy someone, you can fill their holes with your caulking gun for years to come.
Like Pat O’Brien, I’ve been drinking a lot. Unlike the guy with the moustache, I have yet to go on “Dr.Phil” to discuss my problem. I understand that it’s not really a problem, especially when compared to people killing others over a cartoon. I understand that I’m not a unique voice. At one point in time I attached myself to causes and hung out with people that read CrimeThink books. It was a good time but it wasn’t really me. I don’t care about migrant workers rights. I don’t care about voter fraud. I don’t care about most of the causes my friends and enemies protest about. I only care about getting drunk enough so whoever I happen to fuck looks like Lindsey Lohan, Rachel Weisz, Kelly Clarkson and/or Tina Fey.
When I begin my quest to infiltrate Hollywood I’ll be able to drink every night for free. No one in Hollywood pays for drinks. It’s the law. I might also have a chance of actually meeting something (I refer to the celebrities as things, not as people for a reason, don’t ruin the illusion) I’ve fantasized about.
I want to get Kelly Osbourne pregnant and force her into marriage. I would be married into the Osbourne’s and have a say in how Ozzy’s catalogue would be licensed.
I want to expose Lindsey Lohan as a cokehead. Maybe this admission will force her into eating again and she’ll regain her once decent breasts.
I want to have one-night stands with every rising female star in Hollywood. I want to make them realize how shallow their lives are and commit mass suicide. Why? It’ll make people in third world countries feel better about themselves. Maybe I do care about causes after all.
Please don’t ask what I’ll do once I no longer am able to have sex for celebrities. If you ask me this question you are dumb. I will do what every washed up hanger on and write tell-all books. I’ll guest star in Lifetime movies. I’ll tell young females from the Midwest that I’m a producer. In other words, I’ll always have sex with celebrities, I’m white, I’m the devil.
I’m a horrible, horrible human being. I know this. There is no but. There is absolutely no reason why anyone should even look at my in the eye. I’m fine with that. I’m white. I’m a male. I’m somewhat educated. No matter what you think of me, I still have a chance. Those with vaginas and non-Caucasian skin are screwed. They may want to fuck every celebrity featured on E!, but I’m the only one that has a shot. Unless you’re an African-American male. I know a lot of females that only fuck black guys because they hate daddy. I’m sure it’s no different for the famous.
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