I wrote this in Jan 2006

I used to throw all-day punk shows in church basements. They were benefit shows for charities I felt deserved the money. This way I got the bands to play for free. Since the shows were for charity, I didn't book bands based on my taste. If I did, the show would've lasted for an hour. Instead, they lasted for 10.

The first show was in December 2001. I decided to call it Music With Meaning. I held the event at the Ernest Hemingway Museum in Oak Park. The place had an auditorium and it seemed like a good location for a show. After seeing the space one time (I think in late October or early November, I don't really remember), I decided that it would be fine for a show. I contacted friends bands to play the show and everyone said yes. Too bad I didn't know anyone that well-known. It cost $750 to rent the venue from noon until ten p.m. I thought that since I looked at the venue, told them I wanted it and brought the contract with me to the show that everything would be fine. I was wrong. I should have made a courtesy call telling them I wanted the place. Whatever. It didn't matter. Ten bands played (I think it was ten), my mom collected money at the door ($6 or $5 with 2 cans of food), my best friend and former stage manager for our high school theater company ran backstage, old high school associates ran sound (one guy rented a 24-track sound board and made all the bands play direct, this was not my idea and I have yet to actually pay the man for his services or his costs for the board) and to make some extra money, I sold soda and pizza. The first Music with Meaning barely broke even. The charity did not see any money, but I was able to donate over 100 pounds of food to the local food pantry.

I learned a lot from that first benefit show. Book bands that are somewhat popular, don't let friends bands of friends bands play, keep overhead costs low, let bands perform with their own amps, two stages are better than one, don't pay for space, make flyers at Office Depot or Office Max and make sure everyone knows that they're playing for charity.

The second Music With Meaning was in the summer of 2002. This time I had six shows. Three in Chicago, two in Oak Park and one in Aurora. Two of them were raves. Well, attempts at a rave. Those failed. Bad idea. Really bad idea. One in Oak Park was in a church basement. That did not fail. The show began at noon. It ended just before 10 p.m. With one P.A., we ran one stage while another set up. There was not a lapse in music. The show was able to recoup expenses from the two failed raves. The majority of the bands that played were of the pop punk persuasion. I did not enjoy most of the bands. That did not matter. They helped me and I helped them. Good times were had by most. The 17-year olds that came to the show left reeking of sweat and spilled pop. I left with a limp and chaffed legs. Though I bitched about the shows for weeks leading up them, I throughoughly enjoyed myself. Each successful show gave me satisfaction in knowing that I could do something that wouldn't fail. This feeling lasted for at least another year. Music With Meaning 3 was four shows in December of 2002 and Music with Meaning 4 was eight or ten shows in June of 2003 and featured zinester friends of mine. MWM5 was a 50-hour radio marathon and four or six shows in June of 2004 and the last one was just one show in July of 2005.

Every time I feel like I'm too old to throw shows I become nostalgic for the first basement shows. I stare at the Intonation poster on my wall and feel depressed that I could never achieve as much as it has. I watch shitty movies at 4 a.m. so I don't think of this stuff. I compile lists like these, try to remember all the bands that have played all the shows. I can't remember all the bars, clubs, basements, stores and houses that let me host the shows, let alone all the bands that made noise. I know that it doesn't really matter. I'll never be able to recreate the first show and I know that it's not something I really want to do. The first show was a failure. The first basement show only bailed me out from the other failed shows in the second set. I've cut down on the shows but I've made more money with just one show than with ten in basements. I've also cut down on everyone that helped me, bands and exposure. I no longer try to get press and I no longer book bands that I hate just to bring people in. I guess this is a good thing. I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe if I only had bands I loathed things would be a little more exciting.

I was excited when a band sent me their demo so they could play Music With Meaning. Now, I'll listen to the first 30-seconds and if it sucks, sell it. I don't care about supporting a scene. I don't care about helping bands. No one has helped my band, so fuck all of them. What a wonderful, typical outlook.

I shouldn't even try to throw an all-ages show. I'm 23. It's just too creepy.

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After spending the last hour searching for old fliers, I've decided to either try and top myself or just give up. 20 shows in 30 days or nothing. Do it in June. Something that includes all types of music, all types of writing, multiple charities, multiple forms of media coverage and more. Fuck it. Why not. I'll start planning now. It'll take a while to figure out what to do.