You don't hear Ozzy's voice

45. "Iron Man"
A superhero movie does not have to stand on its own. It has years, decades of history behind it. The director can tell as much as he wants (I say he because to my knowledge, a woman has not directed a superhero movie in the last 20 years) of the origin. Therefore, there will be gaps. For example, how did Tony Starks' father start his company? Why would a billionaire playboy continue to perform his own experiments without a team of assistants? Why would a weapons company have to perform demos on enemy territory? Why do I care about these things when shit blows up?

"Iron Man" is an excellent superhero movie. It preaches but not too much. Robert Downey Jr. is an excellent Tony Stark. It's believable that this guy fucks a lot of random women and drinks a lot of random scotch. The suit looks good and the effects are wonderful. All in all, I understand all the praise it has received. But give me "X-Men 2." Wolverine cuts some guys tendons! That shit was bad-ass.

Column 1 "I've Been Watching Too Much TV"

I need a new job. Or cable. Something different. I'm running out of stuff to watch on Hulu and Netflix and haven't been able to sit down and watch anything on free television for months. The television is on if I'm home, but I can't pay attention. Some new show on NBC about teenagers taking care of kids is on. I'm half-watching. I'm also talking for my friend on Gmail and applying for jobs. I might be overstimulated and underwhelmed.

A girl on the show just locked herself in a bathroom and cried.

I remember a woman on a talk show crying. She had a baby. A live one. That she had to take care of. She was looking, well, not looking, but making sure that a gentleman that did not want to be the father was in fact the father. He was not. She cried some more.

The girl on the show that locked herself in the bathroom will take care of a child that is not her own. She will "learn a lesson." I need to learn a lesson. I still haven't changed the channel.

Earlier this week I watched four local news half hours from the same channel. I do not remember one story. I was ridiculed by my girlfriend. "Why would anyone watch local news when they could read the newspaper and get twice as much information in less time?" She did not know I had watched four local news half hours.

Since I work in a high school I share the schedule of a high school student. This means that I have some time from June to August to watch horrible television and contemplate the meaning of life. Rather than do anything productive, I'll stare with dead eyes at whatever glows at me. For better or worse, this does not include cable television. This limits what I let soak in. Since I don't have a child and am not that interested in cartoons, I'm stuck with 'classic' reruns (think "The Monkees"), court shows, talk shows, local news and game shows. I'll always watch local news. I'll sometimes watch game shows.

Today's news had stories on a shooting in Humboldt Park and other topics. I don't remember the other topics. I remember the shooting in Humboldt Park because I read about it. Will this make me stop watching the news? Probably not. It's better than the court shows.

"Merv Griffin's Crossword" is a new game show. Contestants are read a clue and see how many letters are in the answer. Simple. I enjoy this show. If this show constituted it's own network, I would watch. It would be on at all times. I can easily ignore the show and easily slip back in.

I should develop a new hobby.

I was never a Scrabble fan. I've played three games in the past two weeks, easily doubling all previous games of Scrabble I had played. I'm starting to like it. That might be work as a new hobby. I know there's a new Scrabble game you can play on-line. It's educational, right?

Baseball cards and comics filled most of my down time as a child. Maybe I could get into those again in a way that won't cost me a ton of money. Maybe I could collect cards and comics and not be extremely overweight and single.

The stock market could solve this. I'm thoroughly confused by the thing and have some interest. I'll listen to the NPR show about the stock market, the one hosted by Ty Risdol (sp?), and understand about half of what's said. I could make a lot of money. I could make enough money to buy all those cards and comics I had as a kid. I could make enough money to buy the network that airs "Crossword."

Maybe a new career is the way to go. A hobby might be too much. A new job will get me out of the house so I can avoid television all together.

Something not in the arts would be ideal. Maybe law would work. Sure, I don't want to be a lawyer and have no desire to go to law school, but there's a lot of money in that field. I could ski down mountains of cocaine! I could represent evil doers that have mountains of cash! I could buy a mountain!

Construction work runs in the family. Something with metal and a 5am wake-up call. My grandfather liked it enough to do it but not enough to do it past 60. He was always tired but somewhat happy. He was also buzzed on Old Style.

Bartending every night seems to be the answer, at least for now. I'll be too tired to wake up before noon, make enough money to play the stock market, be surrounded by drugs and lawyers and spend what little I'll make on baseball cards and comic books. Win-win.

It's funny when they get drunk

44. "Heavy Metal in Baghdad"
Yet another example that Vice does have something positive to offer. (Read their issue devoted to the Appalachians. It's the best single issue of a magazine I've read.)

This 2007 documentary follows the only heavy metal band in Iraq, Acrassicauda. The group formed during the Saddam regime, played a few shows, played a few more shows during the beginning of the war and haven't been able to play much since 2005. The bands practice space is destroyed by a missile, band members move to Syria and by August 2006, it looks like Acrassicauda is no more. The other members flee Iraq and start over as refugees. It looks like the band has a future. The guys from Vice help the band record a demo. The band is happy, but poor, beaten and cold (literally). The post script offers no glimmer of hope.

The documentary does not give a fair and balanced look at what it's like to be an Iraqi that wants to rock. That's fine. A film like this has a message going in, rock and roll can save your soul. Since rock and roll is not really possible in certain areas of the world, what happens? The film is about what happens to the people who aren't soldiers, who don't pledge an allegiance to anything or one.

For anyone that's ever been in band and has thought getting a show or finding a practice space has been an excuse to quit should watch this film.

It's actually Colbert's first book

27. Amy Sedaris, Paul Dinello, Stephen Colbert "Wigfield: The Can-Do Town That Just May Not"
I flipped through this book a few times when it was released and wanted to pick it up but the $23 price tag made me put it down. I found it a few weeks ago at a local coffee shop on sale for a dollar. It's worth somewhere between the two prices.

Wigfield is a fictional town that's less than a mile long, features multiple strip clubs and used tire shops and is the home to a wonderful, colorful cast of characters. The town is going to be destroyed by the city. A damn that was built for no purpose other than to line pockets is going to come down and the tiny little town's residents don't want it to happen. Well, they kinda want it to happen because they'll get some government payouts. But they're not a town. See...I'm giving too much of nothing away. The book is funny. It's easy to hear the voices of the three authors when reading accounts of the fictional characters.

Read the book is you like "Strangers with Candy." I can't promise you'll like the book if you're a fan of "The Colbert Report."

Everything In Its Right Place

I've spend the last two hours looking up recording artists home town.

Kelsey and I went to some garage sales yesterday and found two crates of 45s for $30. I talked the guy down to $23 with a guitar pedal too. I like going to garage sales.

The first thing I do upon receiving a large amount of music is separate Chicago artists from the rest. Then I alphabetize the Chicago acts. The artists that aren't from the Windy City go in their own pile. The artists I'm not sure of make up the largest stack. It is these artists that I'm looking up. I am having a good time. I am thinking about doing a podcast about this kind of thing, researching relatively unknown bands and artists.

I did this with baseball cards. My mom likes to remind me of the time Harry Caray was reading off the Cubs roster while I was organizing my cards. He would repeat certain players names and I would lose track of who would go where (I had an elaborate system for all of my sports cards. Baseball had the most confusing. I would pull the cards of my favorite players, Andrew Dawson, Kirby Puckett, Greg Maddux and Ryne Sandberg, first. Next would come the card company. For example, Topps 88, Donruss, 89, etc. Then the doubles of those cards would go in binders. One for the American League, one for National League. Those would be divided by teams. The triplets of cards would go in shoe boxes to sell to the local card shop or to trade.) After ten minutes or so, I gave up and stomped out of the room.

---

I'm adding another goal to the New Year's Resolution. In addition to the reading of 52 books (on schedule), watching 102 films (slightly behind) and making 6 videos (way behind), I will attempt to post 52 columns on this thingy. A column will qualify as anything I write that's at least 800 words. I'm going easy on myself. The point is to take the things I already write in notebooks and napkins and flesh them out. Should be simple. I've spent too many nights watching episodes of "Friends" and "Will & Grace." I don't like "Friends" or "Will & Grace."

As a kid I never knew he was Cuban, I just thought he was on steroids

26. Jose Canseco "Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits, and How Baseball Got Big"
Sure, it reads like the diary of a 12-year old boy, but is that such a bad thing? Jose Canseco isn't the best writer or guy that talks into a microphone and has someone else write for him, but he does stick to his story. The man's story is simple, his dad pushed him too much, he was never loved as much as he should have been because he's Cuban, he loves steroids, there's nothing wrong with steroids and he is shy. The end. That's the whole book.

Though Canseco doesn't say much, he does make sure that linear storytelling is not present in "Juiced." The book reads like a monologue from a drunk wronged by his job, wife and the heavens. Once again, not a horrible thing.

I don't recommend this book for any non baseball fan. Hell, I don't recommend it to anyone that cares about the steroid controversy. I would recommend it to someone like me, someone that remembers the Bash Brothers, Canseco on the cover of Beckett (the baseball card price guide magazine) and dingers. Canseco hit a whole lot of dingers.

Similiar to quality as "Elephant" by the White Stripes

25. David Sedaris "When You Are Engulfed in Flames"
I take David Sedaris for granted. When asked about favorite books or authors, I never bring up his name or works. I should. Sedaris' newest collection of essays is just as good as his previous work and yet another reminder that he's the best at what he does.

"When You Are Engulfed in Flames" is not as good as "Me Talk Pretty One Day" but much better than "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim." I have no idea why. I laughed just about the same amount through all three works, but found myself connecting more with this one. For example, in the long form piece about quitting smoking, I found myself laughing out loud and proceeded to read a paragraph to my girlfriend. It's that kind of book.

David Sedaris is the writer that everyone thinks they can be. They can not. Augesten Burroughs is a good example. His memoir "Running With Scissors" is more well known, partly because of the feature length film, but not nearly as good. It seems forced in every way. Sedaris does not. His voice is wholly original because he's not the most articulate or beautiful writer. His quips come from experience as an art school grad that poured pudding on his head and called it art. Unless you follow those footsteps, I doubt you'll sound like a member of the Talent Family.

Eminem was in that

43. "Little Black Book"
Kelsey and I watched this the last night in our old place. We watched it because the Internet was packed, the DVDs were in a box and we hate ourselves.

Awful in every way.

I like the cover

24. James Gleick "Faster: The Acceleration of Just About Everything"
I should have read the post script first. Gleick comes out and says that by the time the paperback edition was printed, it's already out of date. That was printed in 2000.

"Faster" is part history book, part science expose and part personal essays. I enjoyed the chapters on the history of the pocket watch but didn't like the musings on multitasking while waiting for your computer to boot.

The book was good enough to give other Gleick works a shot, but I'll keep in mind that timing is everything.

Oscar approved titties

42. "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead"
I was hankering for a Philip Seymour Hoffman fix so I rented whatever Redbox had. This is what they had.

With each passing minute I liked the film less and less. The cuts between points of view got annoying. The story telling style was interesting, but it didn't make the film. All in all, a two out of four that wouldn't been a three out of four with 20 minutes less footage.

Oh yea, Marissa Tomei is topless for the majority of her scenes.

Sidenote: I think a work entitled "Before the Devil Knows Your Dead" is actually more interesting than "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead."

Sidenote 2: I know that the title is taken from an old poem.

A Senator that uses cocaine!

41. "Charlie Wilson's War"
I like Tom Hanks. This is a very controversial statement. Since he's been a mentally challenged, AIDS casuality, I think he's bounced back quite well. After spending a few years in an airport, he's finally back in the good ole' US of A as a good ole' boy US Senator from Texas. The film also stars Julia Roberts in a role that didn't make me want her to retire and Philip Seymore Hoffman in a role that, well, makes you really, really like Philip Seymore Hoofman.

"Charlie Wilson's War" is the type of Hollywood film that makes Hollywood films good. It has a liberal message, features sex and drugs, men cry, women are strong and nothing is really solved. Good film.

SATURDAY

Saturday

Belmont and Clark

23. Don De Grazia "American Skin"
Spending so much time in the Lakeview neighborhood as a teenager definitely made "American Skin" a quick, easy and entirely enjoyable read.

"American Skin" is the story of Alex Verdi, a 17-year old kind-of runaway that stumbles upon skinhead culture at the Punkin' Donuts at Belmont and Clark. Within days, Alex is a skinhead, not the Hitler kind, the other kind, working and living in a punk club. For the first 150 pages of the book I was surprised that this hasn't been optioned for a film. The last 150 pages made it clear why it wasn't.

De Grazia's style is similar to Joe Meno, a fellow Chicago based Columbia College writer. In fact, "American Skin" and "Hairstyles of the Damned" main differences are the South Suburbs vs. the North side and a slightly higher income.

Fucking shit

40. "Soul Food"
Fucking sucks. I can't think of a more lauded film shot in Chicago in the last twenty years.

The Vanessa Williams' character has every right to cut off the rest of the family. She pays bills no one else considers, grants loans to family members knowing she'll never get paid back and uses her connections to get in laws out of jail. She's portrayed as selfish.

The characters aren't fleshed out, the progression is obvious and, though probably not a fault of itself, the dialogue sounds recycled from sitcoms like "All of Us," "One on One" and "Half and Half."

The 10-year old narrator somehow ties together diabetes, the celebration of food, slavery and a cash find in the last scene.

I've had this in my head for years

Daniel Knox is my favorite songwriter that's currently breathing. I've been listening to "What Have They Done to You Now" for a few years. I've wanted to shoot the following video since I've heard it. I was finally able.

Please watch.

I want to believe (that you will get a girlfriend)

39. "Zeitgeist: The Movie"
Oh kids, you're so silly.

My students harassed me for months about this film. I gave in and we watched it for class. It made me sad.

There's a lot of writing on the internet about this "documentary." I used the quotes because, well, it's a piece of shit. Anyways, the film is about how everything is run by money, specifically a few families, 9/11 was planned by, well, that's not exactly clear and Bush's family is no different than Hitler's or Bin Laden's or Hussein's. All the evidence presented is anecdotal, the audio gets louder when "evidence" the filmmakers agree with is presented and, finally, there is no point. A new point is presented every other minute but they're never fleshed out. All in all, the thing is like watching every political You Tube video for 2 hours and believing everything, even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff.

Or that's what they want you to believe.

Choir reading

22. Thomas Frank "What's the Matter with Kansas"
Frank makes sense, at least to me. Reading a three year old book about the conversion of blue collar Democrats to blue collar Republicans isn't that revelatory, but I think I have a better understanding why people pull certain levers in booths.

"What the Matter with Kansas" brings up problems with the Democratic party, the difference between Republican "Cons" and "Mods" and, most interesting to this reader, the way anyone could vote against their own interest. Frank doesn't bog the book down with rants against any one party and gives ample respect for everyone interviewed. I especially enjoyed the 60 plus pages of notes to offer ample evidence for each point raised.

Since the book enjoyed some success, a response book entitled "What's the Matter with California" has been released. I will not read this book. I probably should. I know I won't agree with any of it, but if I read one I should read the other. In other words, I didn't need to read "What's the Matter with Kansas." I knew Frank presented evidence to prove points I already agreed with, yet I read it. I can now quote one more piece of literature when talking with my fellow liberal leaning friends about the influence of god on everything in the Midwest.

Give it away

21. Paul Auster "Travels in the Scriptorium: A Novel"
A friend loaned me this book. She told me that as soon as she finished it she threw it across the room in anger. I understand why.

Auster's 'novel' (at 160 pages, it reads more like a novella) is a wonderfully quick and engrossing read for the first 158 pages. Like all reviews I've read, it's the ending that you either love or hate. I'm leaning towards hate. There isn't much to say. I recommend the book with the same warning I received.

The best frontman in rock and roll

20. Jim Derogatis "Staring at Sound: The True Story of Oklahoma's Fabulous Flaming Lips"
This is how a rock and roll biography should read. Equal parts band history, song writing process, touring anecdotes and album criticism. The only thing better than reading about The Flaming Lips is listening to them or seeing them live or watching the 2005 documentary "The Fearless Freaks." The Flaming Lips sure are great.

Similar to Greg Kot's book about Wilco, "Staring at Sound" was written for slightly obsessed music fans. If you don't care about Wayne Coyne's philosophical beliefs based on his tenure at Long John Silver's or the band's Midwestern work ethic, there isn't much to keep the casual reader interested. This isn't a bad thing per se, but Dero doesn't go as deep as this slightly obsessed would have preferred. To be fair, I'm not sure if I would want to read any more on the Lips. At 272 pages the book left me wanting more, just like "Yoshimi." Any more might have felt like listening to "At War with the Mystics."