I wrote this in Jan 2006

I used to throw all-day punk shows in church basements. They were benefit shows for charities I felt deserved the money. This way I got the bands to play for free. Since the shows were for charity, I didn't book bands based on my taste. If I did, the show would've lasted for an hour. Instead, they lasted for 10.

The first show was in December 2001. I decided to call it Music With Meaning. I held the event at the Ernest Hemingway Museum in Oak Park. The place had an auditorium and it seemed like a good location for a show. After seeing the space one time (I think in late October or early November, I don't really remember), I decided that it would be fine for a show. I contacted friends bands to play the show and everyone said yes. Too bad I didn't know anyone that well-known. It cost $750 to rent the venue from noon until ten p.m. I thought that since I looked at the venue, told them I wanted it and brought the contract with me to the show that everything would be fine. I was wrong. I should have made a courtesy call telling them I wanted the place. Whatever. It didn't matter. Ten bands played (I think it was ten), my mom collected money at the door ($6 or $5 with 2 cans of food), my best friend and former stage manager for our high school theater company ran backstage, old high school associates ran sound (one guy rented a 24-track sound board and made all the bands play direct, this was not my idea and I have yet to actually pay the man for his services or his costs for the board) and to make some extra money, I sold soda and pizza. The first Music with Meaning barely broke even. The charity did not see any money, but I was able to donate over 100 pounds of food to the local food pantry.

I learned a lot from that first benefit show. Book bands that are somewhat popular, don't let friends bands of friends bands play, keep overhead costs low, let bands perform with their own amps, two stages are better than one, don't pay for space, make flyers at Office Depot or Office Max and make sure everyone knows that they're playing for charity.

The second Music With Meaning was in the summer of 2002. This time I had six shows. Three in Chicago, two in Oak Park and one in Aurora. Two of them were raves. Well, attempts at a rave. Those failed. Bad idea. Really bad idea. One in Oak Park was in a church basement. That did not fail. The show began at noon. It ended just before 10 p.m. With one P.A., we ran one stage while another set up. There was not a lapse in music. The show was able to recoup expenses from the two failed raves. The majority of the bands that played were of the pop punk persuasion. I did not enjoy most of the bands. That did not matter. They helped me and I helped them. Good times were had by most. The 17-year olds that came to the show left reeking of sweat and spilled pop. I left with a limp and chaffed legs. Though I bitched about the shows for weeks leading up them, I throughoughly enjoyed myself. Each successful show gave me satisfaction in knowing that I could do something that wouldn't fail. This feeling lasted for at least another year. Music With Meaning 3 was four shows in December of 2002 and Music with Meaning 4 was eight or ten shows in June of 2003 and featured zinester friends of mine. MWM5 was a 50-hour radio marathon and four or six shows in June of 2004 and the last one was just one show in July of 2005.

Every time I feel like I'm too old to throw shows I become nostalgic for the first basement shows. I stare at the Intonation poster on my wall and feel depressed that I could never achieve as much as it has. I watch shitty movies at 4 a.m. so I don't think of this stuff. I compile lists like these, try to remember all the bands that have played all the shows. I can't remember all the bars, clubs, basements, stores and houses that let me host the shows, let alone all the bands that made noise. I know that it doesn't really matter. I'll never be able to recreate the first show and I know that it's not something I really want to do. The first show was a failure. The first basement show only bailed me out from the other failed shows in the second set. I've cut down on the shows but I've made more money with just one show than with ten in basements. I've also cut down on everyone that helped me, bands and exposure. I no longer try to get press and I no longer book bands that I hate just to bring people in. I guess this is a good thing. I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe if I only had bands I loathed things would be a little more exciting.

I was excited when a band sent me their demo so they could play Music With Meaning. Now, I'll listen to the first 30-seconds and if it sucks, sell it. I don't care about supporting a scene. I don't care about helping bands. No one has helped my band, so fuck all of them. What a wonderful, typical outlook.

I shouldn't even try to throw an all-ages show. I'm 23. It's just too creepy.

---

After spending the last hour searching for old fliers, I've decided to either try and top myself or just give up. 20 shows in 30 days or nothing. Do it in June. Something that includes all types of music, all types of writing, multiple charities, multiple forms of media coverage and more. Fuck it. Why not. I'll start planning now. It'll take a while to figure out what to do.

Daytime talk shows and judge shows fill me with rage. Riding the el during rush hour fills me with rage. I'm 13-years old all over again.

It's all who you know

The last case on today's "Judge Judy" was about a 7-year old boy who accidentally hit a neighbors car because his bike went out of control. The plaintiff was suing for $370 to fix the scratch on her bumper. The plaintiff won. She's a fucking cunt. I believe in the mob when I hear stories like this one.

Mob justice would've fixed this dilemma without going to court. If the neighbor did the right thing and went to make sure the kid was ok, the child's mother would have been grateful and offered to fix the scratch. The car owner also shouldn't care about a scratch on her bumper because IT'S A GOD DAMN BUMPER. Bumpers exist for people to scratch up.

If the child's family was connected to the mob in some way the woman who sued would be dead. That's fine by me. She sued a 7-year old.

If anyone knows how I could obtain a mob connection (I'm good with office work, I could copy edit forged documents and I have no problems giving friends jobs) please let me know. They would make sure I get this hole in my tooth fixed.

Little rascals

The Music with Meaning 7 thank you party has come and gone. I have extra meat and a cut on my hand.

From July 1 to July 19 I'll have "performed" (DJing, readings, music) at least 7 times. It's sort of a wind down from a month of events. I'm not handling it that well. Instead of going out every night I'm going out one night and getting drunk and then staying in the next night.

The 3 Stooges episode has Nazi soldiers. Curly has a photo of Hitler on his behind and the soldies say "Heil Hitler" every time he turns around. The short ends with a US Military bulldog biting Curly's ass.

I'm the local guy for this month's Perpetual Motion Roadshow. It's Saturday at Quimby's. I'm trying to finish the baseball issue of Foul. Maybe I'll find my 200+ Kirby Puckett cards today. The only baseball cards of mine that weren't stolen are of a dead, one-eyed rapist.

While working a White Sox game I heard a Smith's song over the PA. The 5 guys in bar hats and polo shirts were swaying to the beat. They were also making homophobic comments.

I finally finished a book.

21. Douglas Adams "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe"

Music with Meaning Night 30 Recap

The last night of Music with Meaning 7 was the most like MWM 1-4. It was in two classrooms (sort of like the shows at Pilgrim Church), 8 bands played (like the shows at the Hemingway Musuem, Pilgrim, St. Giles), I ran the door and sound with friends and, just like Music with Meaning 1, Max and Mike took money at the door at one point.

Thanks to Hewhocorrupts Inc. for booking the bands. I'm done for a while.

Music with Meaning Night 29 Recap

Betty's was a suprisingly good show. Over 60 people came to see The Pumps, Canasta, All City Affairs and the Fake Fictions. Canasta played beautiful music. All City Affairs danced to a backing track.

I don't remember much.