I'm only trusting albums that won't let me down. I need "In Utero" and "Of This Blood." They're the only ones that I can understand. I guess that's what happens after you drank too much. It's too late/early to comprehend anything else. But it's what I deserve. At least they're good. Too good. Things that I will not be able to beat. I'll keep trying, but I won't be able to reach what they have.

I keep dropping my cigarette on myself. I'm not sure how much more my pants can take. I'll find out soon.

Sarah is getting married. She's my age. I can't afford to go to her wedding. I'm sorrry Sarah. I wish I could be there. I wish you nothing but the best. I am not ready to get married. God knows I'm not. Not that I believe in god, but I do believe in age old sayings. I also belive in the Beach Boys. If Brian Wilson wrote it, it must be good.

Max and Amy are leaving for new jobs. Good job guys. I will not be leaving. I'm sorry, but I just can't. There is too much here that I need. I hope you understand.

Johnny Cash is a man to look up to because he was more flawed that most of us. He knew what he wanted, but he didn't know how to handle anything. Without the women in his life, he was useless. Drugged up, drunk and unable to perform. I believe that most men feel this way, they just don't know it. I may only be drunk, but I know I'm flawed. I'm not the worst,but I'm certantly not the best.

The Chicago Public School system is fucking me up more than anything else. I didn't even go to a Chicago public school, but I know the damage they're inflicting. Racism does exist, just not how you picture it.

Whatever I write here won't get out to the people that need to read it. Professionals don't read blogs. Only people who name check do. I can't judge. If a blog doesn't have Brandon or Wetherbee written anywhere in it, I usually don't read it. Unless it's a friend or a good writer, it's useless. Therefore, most blogs are useless. This one is.

I'm going to go back to listening to Detachment Kit's "Of This Blood."