What Happened To Controversey?

MTV’s Video Music Awards were horrible. Here is why.

-Miami was only good because there was a possibility that everyone at the event might have been killed in a hurricane.
-Diddy should not have been host. He’s not funny and the whole “Anything Can Happen” thing was lost on people watching from home.
-R. Kelly’s performance was both gay and homophobic, a first in R&B.
-Green Day should have been able to perform something other than “Boulevard of Broken Dreams.” It’s been impossible to escape the song. They should have played “Jesus of Suburbia.”
-Jessica Simpson was dressed like Paris Hilton, and that makes me sad.
-I shouldn’t know people that win awards (Fall Out Boy), especially people that had an easy time with rent.
-The Killers are a bad live band. Flowers can’t sing and the rest of the band looks sedated.
-Kanye West was decent, but walking through the crowd made it almost impossible to understand what he was saying.
-50 Cent. Everything about his performance.
-Dane Cook got to perform for 4-minutes. Rather than be a highlight, it was just odd.
-Mariah Carey is crazy. Not Whitney Houston on crack crazy, but boring crazy.
-My Chemical Romance has lost their edge. Now that Gerard is clean, they’re boring.
-Kelly Clarkson is always a treat for the eyes, but having her drenched by the end of the show’s finale was actually a bad idea. It sounded like “Since U Been Gone” heard next to a blender.

Here are some highlights.
-Shakira.
-Beavis and Butthead coming back to MTV?
-Suge Knight got shot the night before.

No Eminem, no White Stripes, no Triumph, no Britney, no Marilyn Manson and the entire show is pointless. Bring it back to New York City and give the terrorists reason to attack.

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Eminem’s first album is amazing. He’s drugged up, careless and had nothing to lose. It is devoid of morals and every beat is solid.

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The first issue has been sent to the printer. You can now upload the thing in a PDF form on the site.

If You Have Nothing To Do Tonight...

Come to...

The Colonnade Room
St. Louise Parish Center
1112 Raymond Ave.
La Grange, Il

It's their annual acoustic show and they're helping us out and letting us promote the hell out of it. Here are the bands...

The Extreme Muggers
Witroy
Sally
Atomic Groovemonkey
Slow Children at Play
Hour Circle and more

So please come out. The guys that throw the shows are really great and deserve for this thing to be a success. Come out. Sally is playing (kind of) and I'll be there. Please come.

Eating Apples

CMJ is coming up. Kelsey and I have train tickets to NYC (no tickets back, yet) for the event. I still haven't looked at who is playing. I will do that now...

Here is who I want to see...

(International) Noise Conspiracy
Aloha
Ambulance LTD.
Aqueduct
Arcade Fire
Atmosphere
Bang! Bang! (Chicago)
Beans w/Holy Fuck
Blues Explosion
The Brian Jonestown Massacre
Canasta (Chicago)
The Dandy Warhols
Detachment Kit (ex-Chicago)
Die Warzau (Chicago)
Doves
Feist
Head of Femur (Chicago)
Mass Shivers (Chicago)
Nashville Pussy
New Pornographers
Of Montreal
Saturday Looks Good To Me
The Scotland Yard Gospel Choir (Chicago)
Son Ambulance
Suicide Girls
This Is Me Smiling (Chicago)
Yakuza (Chicago)

That's the most bands I've ever wanted to see going in to CMJ. I probably won't be able to see the bands I've wanted to see for the longest time, The Dandy Warhols. They're playing CBGB's at 11pm on the first night. The place can only hold a few hundred. Damn. This is another reason I'll be happy when the place closes. The owner is trying to make it seem like he can't afford the rent. He can. The place makes more then $2 million each year just on merchandise.

I'm getting off track. In addition to the bands, there is the film festival. This year, "Walk The Line" is getting a screening. The movie better be amazing. If not, I will bitch about it for the duration of the trip. I apologize in advance.

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I'm still sick. I've been coughing up dark phlegm for a good amount of the morning. I feel better, all the liquid that has been in my head is now escaping through my nose and mouth.

I've Been Putting Stuff Up My Nose All Day

Since I'm sick, I've been sitting in front of the dehumidifier for the past few hours. That's all, I'm not on coke.

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Kelsey, Lindsey, Dan and I are supposed to see Garbage later tonight. Matt and Jason should be there as well. Tickets are something like $75 each. None of us paid. Suckers.

Not Much To Say

You know that the state of publishing has undergone a major change when a writer is questioning how much to reveal in a blog.

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Are we consistently writing the same thing with new adjectives? Are we conveying any emotion other than self-pity? Is self-pity an emotion?

I Will Blame It On Medicine

Rather than sleep, rather than get work done, rather than get healthy, I am currently listening to Howlin' Wolf, trying to figure out what to do next.

I've missed events I should I have attended. Shown up at places that shouldn't have let me in. What do I get for this? Cryptic blog entries. That last line reads like an oxymoron.

Oh, I remembered what I wanted to mention last week. I saw an episode of Dr. Phil about bullies. I hereby declare that I will attempt to be one of the all-time great cyber bullies. So...
EVERYONE NEEDS TO DIE BECAUSE THEY ALL SMELL, NO ONE LIKES THEM AND I AM SO AWESOME!!!

I have just told the world to commit suicide. I am the greatest cyber bully ever.

Irony?

We got a letter from the Congress. The alderman complained about our window decor. Earlier tonight, a crackhead was harassing us.

The magazine should be done by Monday night. Then it will be sent out. All things point to a September 1 release. Everything is going well. Except money. But at least there are crackheads.

Office Space

The last release show for issue 1 has been confirmed. You can check out the poster on the site.

Amy came in last night to copy edit. She'll be here later to do the same. Emerson is coming in on Wednesday.

Sarah is working on layout.

Work is getting done.

Bob Sirott is a fucking ass. I want him to go away, never to appear on WTTW 11 again.

Tonight will be my 5th or 6th straight week at Carol's Pub. I'm not sure if this is an achievement or a problem.

Women Beating Women Is Acceptable

The Windy City Rollers were really fun. It would have been a lot more fun if I was drunk. I realize that sounds sad, but alcohol makes sense when there are 20+ women on skates beating each other.

Thanks to Tony for copy editing my column.

Thanks to the Congress for not putting me on the list but having a horrible security team that is extremely easy to sneak by. And for having a system of tunnels that all connect to the boiler room.

Thanks to Steve Carell. You're funny.

Ideas Please

Today has been a waste. Thankfully, Sarah is getting some layout work done. I haven't been able to get anything done.

Maybe I'll be able to get something done if I finish that Margarita bottle.

Both Come From Columbia

Kelsey and I are about to head over to Subterranean to review the New Black show. If they are as good as they were in Nashville, one of will write wonderful things about the wonderful Chicago band.

Thax, Kelsey and I just got back from the Hollywood Grill. Each of us drank about 10 cups of coffee. Why the fuck did we drink so much coffee? I have to pee every 5 minutes and I can't stop moving. I can't handle coffee, so how can I ever handle cocaine? I'll never be cool in Wicker Park.

I think I want to hang out with Eddie Vedder. I know I want to befriend Dave Grohl. The three of us could form a supergroup. But Dave Grohl will play bass, Vedder will play drums and I'll play guitar. It'll be an instrumental band. It will be the worst supergroup ever. But I'll be rich. The poor suck.

Drawing Restraint 9?

Who knew Bjork had a new album out? While opening radio station mail, I stumbled across a copy of a new film soundtrack that Bjork scored. Will Oldham sings on the first song. If I knew he worked with Bjork, I would've harassed him at Intonation.

There is no way anyone at WRDP is going to like this album.

I respect and admire Bjork. She's released commercially succesful albums and followed them up with throat singing. She may be crazy, but she's a good kind of crazy (that was not meant to be an obscure Scotland Yard Gospel Choir reference).

After listening to the soundtrack and reading about the film online, I'm still not quite sure what the film is about. It looks disturbing. That's good.

***

I now have a love/hate relationship with UR Chicago. They gave me some good press a few months back, but their current issue upsets me more than it should. Rather than write them and have the magazine reprint my letter, making me look unbalanced, I just bitch to everyone I know that their "experts" are just hacks who want to fuck guys in tight pants. If the guy plays the Empty Bottle or Hideout and manages to have on tight pants, it's even better.

He Rapped In A Song

Aaron Carter is going to perform during the 2005 Miss Teen U.S.A. pagaent. My guess is that 40 of the 51 contestents blew him. The other 11 are too pure. They offered him other options. Mostly anal. Mostly.

I am not obsessed with the idea of Aaron Carter smooth talking beauty contestant pagaents. The Backstreet Boys brother needs to get head. From all pagaent contestents. It's in their by-laws.

Since it's Monday, I'll be at Carol's in a few hours. I bet that the crazy vet that is good at darts is there too. He's crazy. Mostly scary.

Peter Jennings died early today. I liked him. I obviously didn't know him personally, but I did like him more than Tom Brokaw and Dan Rather. Another thing that he had going for him was that he was a high school dropout. Take that bums! Why aren't any of you anchors on nightly newscasts that aren't just in your mind?

Sorry to all the bums out there. I shouldn't assume that none of you host nationally syndicated news shows. I can only speak for the Americans.

The title of this post refers to Aaron Carter, not Peter Jennings.

Saturday

I've wasted the entire day. I have done nothing close to productive. I'd like to thank Jesus for allowing me this opportunity.

Eric Lab Rat's costume party was a nightmare that I had when I was 6. 50+ people in mostly homemade costumes, a band playing music that sounded like cabaret and dentistry, alchohal and 100+ degree heat. Wonderful.

Update

Max is currently working on a new design for themachinemedia.com.

Kelsey is currently at Osco.

Matt is currently addressing envelopes for patrons in Lakeview.

I am sitting behind a computer. My tooth hurts. I had a root canal.

The Cubs just lost. Today has no been good.

I Like Music

Since I haven't been able to publish any music criticism since May, I've decided to post my Top 10 albums, thus far, of 2005.

1. Sally "The Attrition E.P."
2. Sufjan Stevens "Illinois"
3. Sage Francis "A Healthy Distrust"
4. Sleater-Kinney "The Woods"
5. The Mars Volta "Frances the Mute"
6. The White Stripes "Get Behind Me Satan"
7. Spoon "Gimme Fiction"
8. Andrew Bird "Andrew Bird & the Mysterious Production of Eggs"
9. Nine Inch Nails "With_Teeth"
10. eels "Blinking Lights and Other Revelations"

Some albums that almost made the list are: Frank Black "Honeycomb," Coralie Clement "Bye Bye Beaute" and Alkaline Trio "Crimson."

Here's my Top 5 list of albums that people have told me I'll love, but have not yet listened to.
1. Head of Femur "Hysterical Stars"
2. Common "Be"
3. Annie "Anniemal"
4. Quasimoto "The Further Adventures of Lord Quas"
5. M.I.A. "Arular"

The year isn't over. Here's my top 5 of what I'm looking forward to.
1. System of a Down "Hypnotize"
2. OutKast
3. tATu "Dangerous and Moving"
4. The New Pornographers "Twin Cinema"
5. Pearl Jam

Finally, here's my Top 5 list of 2005 albums that are disappointing.
1. Weezer "Make Believe"
2. Gorillaz "Demon Days" (No Dan the Automator, no Deltron 3030)
3. Coldplay "XY"
4. Foo Fighters "In Your Honor" ("Friend of a Friend" and "Razor" can't save the arena rock fueled electric disc)
5. System of a Down "Mezmerize" (maybe it'll make more sense once "Hypnotize" is released)

I Hate This Thing

I wrote this long post about the similarities between drug addiction and starting a magazine but the god damn thing got erased when I tried to spell-check it.

The point is, I'm busy. If you think I'm blowing you off, I am. Why? Because I'm fucking busy you asshole. You try to start a fucking magazine. Shut up! Fuck you! You fucking dick! Always nay-saying everything I create! You piece of shit! YOU create something like a magazine! You fucking shit! You fucking sit in your tower! Fucking nap...

What's funny?

You fucking bitch! Fucking...fuck you! Fuckin'...cock ass!