Women Beating Women Is Acceptable

The Windy City Rollers were really fun. It would have been a lot more fun if I was drunk. I realize that sounds sad, but alcohol makes sense when there are 20+ women on skates beating each other.

Thanks to Tony for copy editing my column.

Thanks to the Congress for not putting me on the list but having a horrible security team that is extremely easy to sneak by. And for having a system of tunnels that all connect to the boiler room.

Thanks to Steve Carell. You're funny.

Ideas Please

Today has been a waste. Thankfully, Sarah is getting some layout work done. I haven't been able to get anything done.

Maybe I'll be able to get something done if I finish that Margarita bottle.

Both Come From Columbia

Kelsey and I are about to head over to Subterranean to review the New Black show. If they are as good as they were in Nashville, one of will write wonderful things about the wonderful Chicago band.

Thax, Kelsey and I just got back from the Hollywood Grill. Each of us drank about 10 cups of coffee. Why the fuck did we drink so much coffee? I have to pee every 5 minutes and I can't stop moving. I can't handle coffee, so how can I ever handle cocaine? I'll never be cool in Wicker Park.

I think I want to hang out with Eddie Vedder. I know I want to befriend Dave Grohl. The three of us could form a supergroup. But Dave Grohl will play bass, Vedder will play drums and I'll play guitar. It'll be an instrumental band. It will be the worst supergroup ever. But I'll be rich. The poor suck.

Drawing Restraint 9?

Who knew Bjork had a new album out? While opening radio station mail, I stumbled across a copy of a new film soundtrack that Bjork scored. Will Oldham sings on the first song. If I knew he worked with Bjork, I would've harassed him at Intonation.

There is no way anyone at WRDP is going to like this album.

I respect and admire Bjork. She's released commercially succesful albums and followed them up with throat singing. She may be crazy, but she's a good kind of crazy (that was not meant to be an obscure Scotland Yard Gospel Choir reference).

After listening to the soundtrack and reading about the film online, I'm still not quite sure what the film is about. It looks disturbing. That's good.

***

I now have a love/hate relationship with UR Chicago. They gave me some good press a few months back, but their current issue upsets me more than it should. Rather than write them and have the magazine reprint my letter, making me look unbalanced, I just bitch to everyone I know that their "experts" are just hacks who want to fuck guys in tight pants. If the guy plays the Empty Bottle or Hideout and manages to have on tight pants, it's even better.

He Rapped In A Song

Aaron Carter is going to perform during the 2005 Miss Teen U.S.A. pagaent. My guess is that 40 of the 51 contestents blew him. The other 11 are too pure. They offered him other options. Mostly anal. Mostly.

I am not obsessed with the idea of Aaron Carter smooth talking beauty contestant pagaents. The Backstreet Boys brother needs to get head. From all pagaent contestents. It's in their by-laws.

Since it's Monday, I'll be at Carol's in a few hours. I bet that the crazy vet that is good at darts is there too. He's crazy. Mostly scary.

Peter Jennings died early today. I liked him. I obviously didn't know him personally, but I did like him more than Tom Brokaw and Dan Rather. Another thing that he had going for him was that he was a high school dropout. Take that bums! Why aren't any of you anchors on nightly newscasts that aren't just in your mind?

Sorry to all the bums out there. I shouldn't assume that none of you host nationally syndicated news shows. I can only speak for the Americans.

The title of this post refers to Aaron Carter, not Peter Jennings.

Saturday

I've wasted the entire day. I have done nothing close to productive. I'd like to thank Jesus for allowing me this opportunity.

Eric Lab Rat's costume party was a nightmare that I had when I was 6. 50+ people in mostly homemade costumes, a band playing music that sounded like cabaret and dentistry, alchohal and 100+ degree heat. Wonderful.

Update

Max is currently working on a new design for themachinemedia.com.

Kelsey is currently at Osco.

Matt is currently addressing envelopes for patrons in Lakeview.

I am sitting behind a computer. My tooth hurts. I had a root canal.

The Cubs just lost. Today has no been good.

I Like Music

Since I haven't been able to publish any music criticism since May, I've decided to post my Top 10 albums, thus far, of 2005.

1. Sally "The Attrition E.P."
2. Sufjan Stevens "Illinois"
3. Sage Francis "A Healthy Distrust"
4. Sleater-Kinney "The Woods"
5. The Mars Volta "Frances the Mute"
6. The White Stripes "Get Behind Me Satan"
7. Spoon "Gimme Fiction"
8. Andrew Bird "Andrew Bird & the Mysterious Production of Eggs"
9. Nine Inch Nails "With_Teeth"
10. eels "Blinking Lights and Other Revelations"

Some albums that almost made the list are: Frank Black "Honeycomb," Coralie Clement "Bye Bye Beaute" and Alkaline Trio "Crimson."

Here's my Top 5 list of albums that people have told me I'll love, but have not yet listened to.
1. Head of Femur "Hysterical Stars"
2. Common "Be"
3. Annie "Anniemal"
4. Quasimoto "The Further Adventures of Lord Quas"
5. M.I.A. "Arular"

The year isn't over. Here's my top 5 of what I'm looking forward to.
1. System of a Down "Hypnotize"
2. OutKast
3. tATu "Dangerous and Moving"
4. The New Pornographers "Twin Cinema"
5. Pearl Jam

Finally, here's my Top 5 list of 2005 albums that are disappointing.
1. Weezer "Make Believe"
2. Gorillaz "Demon Days" (No Dan the Automator, no Deltron 3030)
3. Coldplay "XY"
4. Foo Fighters "In Your Honor" ("Friend of a Friend" and "Razor" can't save the arena rock fueled electric disc)
5. System of a Down "Mezmerize" (maybe it'll make more sense once "Hypnotize" is released)

I Hate This Thing

I wrote this long post about the similarities between drug addiction and starting a magazine but the god damn thing got erased when I tried to spell-check it.

The point is, I'm busy. If you think I'm blowing you off, I am. Why? Because I'm fucking busy you asshole. You try to start a fucking magazine. Shut up! Fuck you! You fucking dick! Always nay-saying everything I create! You piece of shit! YOU create something like a magazine! You fucking shit! You fucking sit in your tower! Fucking nap...

What's funny?

You fucking bitch! Fucking...fuck you! Fuckin'...cock ass!

READ ME!!!

The phone is working. Call it. The number is in the press kit.

John Shaw was kind enough to print some posters and design a few for the windows. You can check out the work when you stop by the office. The address is 2133 N. Milwaukee.

THIS POST IS FULL OF SELF-PROMOTION!

Speaking of artwork...I actually have nothing to add to that one. Sorry.

Local artist Bill Kirby is also featured in the window. The origin of Captain Chicago is proudly on display on the front door.

Doors for Kings of Leon open in 32 minutes. The people waiting in line have been staring into the store front, probably trying to figure out just what this space is for. It's for drugs. Or drugks.

Fox News

My mom is thrilled that a lake is being drained to find Natalee Holloway's body. She wants the mother "to have closure." My mother is the only person I know that still cares about the dead girl. Now she's threatening to stay up all night until the body is found.

$25 For 15 Minutes

It costs $5 to buy a phone jack. $85 for installation fees and $25 every 15 minutes the technician is here. That's bullshit.

Matt thinks that if the magazine doesn't take off, we should just throw dance parties. Call the place Aqua Chicago.

There Isn't More Than Corn In Indiana

To the people I met at the Midwest Music Conference, nice meeting you. Other than you guys, the city is pretty boring. I ain't going back. Unless I'm playing. Thanks to the guys that run Standard Recording Co. for letting me play.

The canned laughter on "Mary Tylor Moore" sounds like a jet taking off.

It's Over

The first (hopefully annual) Intonation music fest was a success. All the bands played on time. No one died. The reviews are positive. All was good. And stressful, tiring, painful, etc.

In terms of my actual responsibility, I managed to do what I was supposed to do. Interviews took place with all but two artists that were scheduled. Whatever. That info is boring.

Though it's almost 24-hours since I left Union Park, I still can't give a general idea of what happened. It's damn near impossible to report on everything that happened. Too tired and relieved.

Finishing Up

Due to my involvement with the Intonation Music Fest, this thing hasn't been updated in a while. Having a place to go everyday is a nice thing.

The fest is tomorrow. There are write-ups in the Chicago Reader, Time Out Chicago, Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, Rolling Stone, Spin...there are a lot of articles about the fest.

I hope I don't screw up too bad. I want this thing to be a success.

"Reality Bites"

When I first saw "Reality Bites," I thought the movie was amazing. I wasn't yet a teenager. Now that I'm the age of the main characters in the film, I realize how bad it really is. Go to hell, Ben Stiller.

Broken?

The Machine myspace account is temporarily down. Which is weird. The page says that it is getting some maintenence done and will be up shortly. I hate how internet lingo sounds like car repair.

A poor fellow keeps messaging the myspace account. He thinks that we're a real woman. A woman he would "like to get to know better." It's sad. He seems like an OK dude.

If this thing were "Vice," we'd put his picture on the cover and devote 10-pages to why/how he sucks. He doesn't suck. He's just lonely.

No one is picking up

After finishing three of my four tasks at work, I'm stuck here calling this one guy. He's not picking up. So I'm stuck here. Because he's not picking up.

ATM

If you happen to have my bank card, please don't use it. There isn't much money in the account and your experience will just be a waste of time.

---

Urge Overkill wasn't nearly as good as I expected them to be. This is yet another example of why bands should not reunite. The Pixies were lackluster as well.

---

Apparantly, if you are looking for someone to do something, just tell everyone you know that you are looking for someone to do something. For example, if you lust after 80-year old men but don't know any 80-year old men, tell everyone you know that you lust after 80-year old men. Sooner or later, you'll fine someone who either is an 80-year old man that lusts after 22-year old males or meet someone who knows someone who is an 80-year old man that lusts after 22-year olds.

Food Network

"Look at her, you know she doesn't eat that."

"That's probably good."

"I like Rachel. She's a nice girl. That's the kind of girl you want to marry. She cooks. Respects the family. Cute. She talks nice, nice."

"I can't wait til the new gays come on. The ones that won the contest. They come on in September."

"Oh my god, I can't stand this. This is too cute."

"Look how cute it is."

"I love that stuff. I could buy it by the case."

"I try to economize, but it never works out."

"This is right up my alley."

"I must have been watching Court TV at that time."

These are things I've heard while watching the Food Network for an hour on a Friday afternoon with my mother.